CHAPTER 12: A Child's Cry

Andrew's POV:

You want me

Or you do not

Either ways

I already have you

And, if you think

You are the only fire

Honey,

We will burn together.

I go to my house and sit by myself, just me and my despair in the dark.

I always trusted her and never doubted her loyalty to me; it really never crosses my mind that she will do this to me. That she would break my heart and hurt me; she broke the heart that I gave her as a proof for my love to her.

I know that she's hard to deal with and she can ignore me for days without bothering herself to give a sensible explanation or to apologize, but I never thought she's cheating on me.

I am barely holding back the tears. No, I'm not going to cry tonight. I feel like what's coming is worse, therefore it deserves to cry for more than now.

I mean, that wasn't a big problem, right? Jessica just moaned another guy's name while we're making love. It could've been worse, you know?

Like she could've not wanted me to touch her, or I could've seen her with someone else or she could've just broken up with me.

I can't control myself anymore, the tears come streaming down my face then a sob escapes my mouth. I fail to hold them back. Again...

Just the idea of her with someone else or not being with me anymore, is killing me.

I remember the fact that she never said "I love you" and I'm crying even harder now. I'm sobbing like a child.

In that moment, I am the same ten year old kid, who just lost his mother in a car accident, hugging my knees and crying my guts out. I really need a shoulder to cry on but there isn't any for me.

I've been lonely for half of my life and really don't want to be alone again. Not after I've find her, I don't want to live without her being a part of my miserable life.

They say that boys don't care and that only the girls get hurt in a relationship, but they're wrong. They are all wrong.

Guys suffer more, because we don't show it so we spend the nights crying and over thinking and when there is a breakup involved, we get hurt the most and we just can't move on.

I wish I can call her now and tell her what I feel, tell her that my heart aches. I wish I can tell her about my insecurities and I want to believe that she will console me and assure me that everything will be alright.

For so long, I hope that time will come and she finally falls in love with me. But that time never comes.

And I'm still here hoping for something I'll never have. I close my eyes and try to sleep and bury my pain. However, it doesn't work.

Perhaps, she's not cheating on me and this guy named Damien is her ex-boyfriend or something.

My God! I really hate that name and his owner. I wish he would never existed.

What if she still sees him, it's obvious now that she's not over him yet. I think that Jessica sees him on those days when she disappears for no reason, there's no other logical explanation.

As long as I am the one who picks her up every day and we do work near each other and we have lunch together. So basically we're together 24/7, except the fact that we don't live in the same place, so we don't get to be together at night.

I still can't understand why Jess refuses that we move in together, she lives by herself and I as well. Why don't we just live both in the same house? I just can't see the point she's trying to prove.

Every minute goes by, my hurt transforms to anger, and I come to the conclusion that from now on, I'll be the one who decides every little detail in this relationship.

I gave her so much freedom and I gave her as much space as she likes. Look where does it lead us.

I check the time, it's 7:00Am. I should get up to go to work, regardless my pitiful state.

I go to the bathroom to wash my face, I look at the mirror and honestly I'm not surprised that my eyes are bloodshot from lack of sleep and how much I did cry last night. Under my eyes is dark blue and swollen, I look like a sad corpse.

I wear my clothes and drink my coffee in a hurry and head up to work. Not planning to pick up Jess, because I need some time alone with my thoughts.

I arrive to work on time as always, though today I'm not myself. Stacey says good morning but I don't say it back, I enter my office directly. Not wanting to talk to anybody.

It is 11AM now, I've done some work even that I'm totally distracted. I can't focus on anything; all my thinking is about Jess and what happened yesterday.

I lean back on my chair and try to relax; otherwise I'll break everything that is breakable in this office. She doesn't even try to call me and ask why I didn't pick her up on my way as usual. And honestly, that's not her so I'm not really surprised.

I know for sure Jess won't do it even after a million years.

I call for Stacey to come in.

"Mr. Eaton" she says. With a big smile, although I'm certain she's wondering why I do look like shit.

"Listen to me carefully. You will go to my house and see what changes could be done and if you have to change everything just do it. Jessica is coming to live with me. I want the house to be perfect for her. For us" I say, with a serious tone.

The assistant looks startled and clueless, like my demands are weird or something.

"Noted. Do you want anything else Mr. Eaton?" She asks. While holding her notebook, ready to write another request I give her.

"Ah. I want the dresser to be full of clothes for her, I mean all kind of clothes that a woman needs and they should be mostly black. I think she's your size" I say, trying to not forget something important. "I want everything to be done before Friday" I add.

"Don't worry Mr. Eaton" she assures me and I nod as a sign for her to go.

It's time for us now to live together at any cost. I will leave her be on her own this week, after that we will be inseparable forever.

I hoped for so long that she will love me without ME asking for her love, but she didn't.

And I'm done hoping.