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Myriad Shadows

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  • 17 章
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  • 4.5
    41 評分
  • NO.200+
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摘要

“One day you're going to remember me and how much I loved you… then you will hate yourself for letting me go.“ ... Is it a crime to fall in love? Rosella had never thought that she would be trapped in a web of politics, lies, deception, and misunderstandings. What she wanted was love but received only pain and betrayal. It is the story of a broken Empress, of her struggles inside a place full of ruthless schemes. "How could you give me to any other man, I waited for you so long ! Did you ever love me or not?" asked Rosella "You know darling! everything is fair in love and war!" Nicholas smirked. "I wish that we would have never met in this lifetime and I pray, that we will not meet each other in the next one" screamed Rosella... Even if I fall in love with someone new, it could never be the way I loved you... WARNING: English is not my first language, so there may be some mistakes. But I will try my best to improve!

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Yuyumamoru
YuyumamoruLv4

Your story so far is great! I'm not sure if there are others with similar story lines but I'm hooked! The Empress's personality is cold and cool, her duty as the Empress stood above all else. Indifferent and strong I really like her character! Though I would like some more descriptions on how the characters look like. A description could add to the cold "power" or impact of the Empress. For example: "The Empress stared out of the balcony coldly. Her once hazel eyes had dimmed to a dark brown. The light from her innocence gone. Behind her, long black tendrils blew in the wind. Her hair looking like a monster due to the violent breeze. Once called 'The Goddess' her current self was now a shell of her former glory. Still, her sharp nose, thin lips and pale skin made her look more like a beautiful fallen Goddess." Something like that? Not sure how you planned to describe her but that's what she looks like in my mind. Some mistakes I found were when you used past tense and present tense. Things like that don't make the sentences flow nicely. There were also grammar mistakes, like missed quotation marks and messed up spacing. I think there could be more clarifying to differ when it's their past or the present. I had to re-read a couple of times to figure it out that it was the past. You should also indent when someone begins speaking, for example: (The Emperor was enraged!!! It seemed that steam was coming out of his ears, his face reddening with fury. "Merlia!!! What rubbish are you saying? You love me and only me. We promised each other to live and die together! We spent so much time together, I fulfilled all your wishes, took care of you for all these years, neglected all your sinful deeds and this is how you repay me?!") I added some words, took out a few and fixed some spacing between commas and words. I also found that "?!" and "!?" have some effect on how the sentence is read at the end. "?!" suggests more of an questioning angry tone Ex: (Bob burst through the bar doors, his face littered with sweat. The once joyous room faded with Bob's sudden appearance. "DAAVEE!" From one of the dark corners a tall man walked to the front, his muffler covering his face. "Bob..." Distaste obvious in Dave's voice, he spat at the floor. "She was innocent! Why did you have to kill her?!" Bob was fuming, his fists clenched to tight his knuckles turned white.) "!?" suggests shock and questioning Ex: (He fell to the floor, behind him Bob's smirking face loomed above. "B-bob! Why?" Dave tried to reach for Bob but his attempts were useless. "Too bad Dave... Seems we part ways here." Before Dave could answer he heard something large sliding towards him. Glowing red eyes filled the darkness around him. "BOB! Yo-!?" Dave's rant was cut short as the red eyes swarmed Dave.) Not sure if that really made any sense.... Anyways, keep it up and I'll look forward to seeing this grow and update!

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