My Little Secret

I feel a certain warmth as the sun rays shine through the space between the leaves and fall on my face. "I haven't slept like this in ages.'' I think to myself as I struggle to keep my eyes open. It smells like sea and sand. I can hear the waves at a distant, the sea gulls too. Wait, where was I. I move my hands gently as I feel the sand under it, soft and warm. I sit up, looking ahead. The sand in my hair. This place seems familiar and it felt like home, but I don't recall getting here.

"Let's get you in" I hear a girl say. I turn around to look at her, she would have been in her mid-twenties. I recognize her but I don't recall her name. My instincts want me to listen to her. I get up and walk with her. I notice that I have no shoes on and I am wearing something that feels like a robe. A sudden tinge of urgency hits me like I know what was about to happen.

The scene shifts to another scenario. It feels like I am in a play and I know what my lines are. The tingling feeling gets stronger and I look around, searching for something, someone. I saw him across the room. My heart was excited yet calm at the same time. Being able to catch his gaze felt like my phone was finally answered by someone I really needed to talk to. He looked as radiant as I could remember.

"Adam" I whisper, words barely escaping my mouth. I choke a little, holding back my tears, suppressing my anger and containing my happiness as I look at him. I don't think I am mad at him anymore. Maybe he didn't deserve to hear it, or maybe he did but the words came out of my mouth anyway,

"I've missed you".

There you go. I had said it. I felt a sense of relief pass through me as the words escaped my mouth.

"I know sweetheart, I've missed you too" he said.

His voice sounded like honey; it was so soothing to hear.

" I'm sorry I haven't been in touch, things have been so busy around here" he says, sounding genuine.

At that moment, I felt that our connection was stronger than ever.

"You could have left a note, a message, something" I say as I almost break into tears. I never did feel embarrassed about crying in front of him.

He came closer to me and took my hand and suddenly everything seemed right. His hands are so soft, I run my fingers through them and put his hand on my face. I rub my cheek against his hand.

"Let me make up for it" he says as he leads the way.

We walk out of the room holding hands into a bright light. It seems so bright that it felt like we were entering a world with no darkness. I follow him, keeping up with his pace. He seemed angelic. My feet could feel the sand again and the sound of his laugh calmed my nerves. We laugh as our eyes meet each other's gaze. This is where he lived now, this is where he was safe. I could feel it.

The scene shifts again. I open my eyes and realize I am on my bed again. Reality sets in and the air now feels gloomy. It was a dream but he was safe. I feel completely awake as I lay on my back, looking at the ceiling. Tears roll down my right cheek and fall on the bed, I grab my journal before I forget what happened. I close my eyes and recollect what I saw, the surroundings, what his touch felt like, what his voice sounded like and the way his presence made my heart skip a beat.

"Dear Adam,

It's been a while you're gone, but the pain doesn't seem to ease. I dreamt about you today"

I continue to write as tears raced down my cheeks. It felt like it would never end. The pain of losing your loved ones is the worst of feelings. But oh, I was cursed to feel like excruciating pain for the rest of my life.