My Lord System : Incubus Lineage at start

I read the first 2 chapters but I introduced myself because this book just isn't for me but anyway you have a review of those first three chapters: These two chapters have potential, but they are bogged down by significant issues. The writing struggles with pacing—important moments are rushed, while unimportant details drag on. The dialogue often feels forced and unnatural, failing to convey the intended emotional weight. Edward’s despair is overexplained, making him come off as more whiny than tragic. In Chapter 2, the transformation sequence is overly detailed, robbing it of impact, and the introduction of the "Lord System" feels like an info dump rather than an organic part of the story. The plot lacks cohesion, and the characters’ motivations are either unclear or melodramatic, which weakens reader engagement. Despite these flaws, the foundation for an engaging story is there. The exile and redemption arc has timeless appeal, and the Lord System offers an intriguing framework for growth and world-building. You’ve created a protagonist whose suffering could resonate deeply—if handled with more subtlety. Focus on refining pacing and dialogue, and trust your readers to pick up on emotional cues without over-explaining. Simplifying the system’s introduction will allow the reader to uncover its mysteries alongside Edward, adding layers of suspense. Keep going—every draft is a step closer to creating something truly compelling. Anyway, for the author, don't take this review badly but as an example to improve, and I don't want to be too mean to the author so I'm giving it a 4⭐ and hope it gets better.