Natasha Romanoff 4

She collapses in my arms after spiling out everything she had bottled up knowingly or unknowingly, this will be a huge turning point for her.

But damn that took guts. She watched herself getting an inhumane operation for the second time, even when her subconscious decided that the trauma was too much and surpassed those memories the first time.

I dislike the Avengers, all of them are imbeciles, including the so-called geniuses Stark and Banner, but I find myself liking this Natasha more. She feels more real, more alive, I can't really dislike or blame someone who has been brainwashed, if I did what does that say about me?

I assimilated Grant Ward's memories, I am him and he is me, except he decided to commit suicide and that gave me the opportunity to get this body. I think? Not exactly sure how the speedrun God decided to put me here, did he make Grant die or did he just use the opportunity he found when Grand killed himself? Meh doesn't really matter.

She just overcame the biggest trauma of her life, which in itself is something noteworthy, she deserves respect for doing that, not many people have done this successfully even less gained something from it.

( A/N I might be wrong and this is all bullshit, but facing The Biggest Trauma in your life, especially people with big or a lot of traumas like Natasha is huge. It can't be compared to normal people, they go to therapy for some small issues with their life, husband cheating, unhappy childhood coz they didn't get enough attention stuff like that, well boohoo happens to tens of thousands every day. But there are messed up stuff, domestic violence, drugs, murder, rape, those kinds of things takes time, and people(victims) who overcome it and remain somewhat sane are winners and deserve respect, but scars will always remain, 100)

She needs about one more session, to get rid of the stupid Shield ideals, and she is good to go, somewhere along with all this, I decided to help her out regardless of the mission. I am not a good person, but it doesn't mean I can't do good things, she has had a rough life, I think she deserves to be free from all this shit.

While she is asleep I continue with studying the stone, there is so much shit I can learn from this thing, I need a decade at least to understand half of the stuff in here, and that's just for one stone, I'm going to need a 100 years minimum for all 6 stones, and how to use their power to the utmost potential. Which to be fair is a good time, a 100 years to become one of the most OP people in the Marvel universe, I can live with that. And if I master the Time stone, it should be possible to stop my own time, essentially making me immortal. ( Like Merlin from Nanatsu no Taizai)

For now, I'll just meditate on the Mind stone and try to uncover its mysteries. I don't know if it was intentional or not but recently I have uncovered the true power of the system, it's not the gaining of the points, I can just sell stuff to get points, it's the meditation itself. After my first deep med. session, my comprehension speed increased, each time I meditate it becomes easier and easier to understand things, to learn, the INT points help too.

This is a major boon, the system itself wasn't anything special at the start, it took a long time to get points, and if you sold something it would have to be an item that a normal person wouldn't be able to get, I mean where would you find a high tech jet. I am happy with the meditation boost that I get, the skills from the system don't attract me that much anymore, honestly, I would just get the stones, and isolate myself in my studies while meditating, griding points passively and actively studying the stones.

-(scene change)-

This time Natasha slept for 10 hours, I guess it was a lot more stressful than I first thought, I will let her decide when to get up from bed, I will just keep tinkering with the Mind Stone, this thing is a gold mine, a dangerous goldmine that can influence people, that's why I constantly use spells to support me when I am studying it.

Nat Pov

I slept for 10 hours, the only time I have ever gotten this much sleep was when I was injured and had to be put under for the operation. Even though yesterday was one of the most horrible experiences in my life, I am glad that it happened, I thought I was peaceful before, I was wrong, this feels.. it feels like.. I don't have the words to describe it.

It's such an amazing feeling, I got rid of something that has been plaguing me for a decade and a half. I don't have it anymore, the stress, the constant need to keep watch on my surroundings, the voice in my head that keeps telling me what do to, my former voice, my loyalty to Shield is completely gone, I can feel it, I despise the upper echelon, Shield has a somewhat good cause but the ones who lead it will ruin it to the ground, even though it's already fallen apart, I pity the ones that stayed behind.

(I'm guessing the operation was done when she was 17 or 18)

I think I need one more session and I will be completely healed, free from any and all brainwashing. I don't know how to repay Ward. He has done so much for me, what can I offer him? He can do magic, if he wants something he can just go and get it, he can see into the future or at least he said he can, he hasn't lied to me once while I have been here, he said I could check with Tony about Ultron.

I have a feeling it's going to be true, he gains nothing by lying, it's beneath people like him. I don't know if he's noticed or not, but people with power with prestige lie a lot less than normal people, they just don't see the point in it, its a waste of time for them, to say petty little lies and manipulate people. Schemes and manipulations have been a weapon for the weak for centuries, people have learned them, and know the rich and politicly powerful use them all the time.

But the truly strong people, the ones that can decide whether you live or die on a whim they are actually the most honest, it hurts their pride. I mean no normal person would resort to lying to an ant or a small animal.

Sigh, it's time to get up, I could make a habit of this, I don't think I have ever relaxed like this, just laying on the bed, what bliss. Once I settle everything I will spend a lot of money on a comfortable bed, this has been missing from all my life, I have lost time I need to catch up. Enough whining up we go.

Word Count: 1100 without A/N

didn't really proofread it, I'm tired, will rewrite it soon