webnovel

God's Play(DISCONTINUED ROUGH DRAFT)

作者: Jeonson
奇幻
已完結 · 34K 流覽
  • 14 章
    內容
  • 4.8
    16 評分
  • NO.200+
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摘要

500 years ago, the "Great Disaster" has almost devastated Japan, but only a handful knows about the atrocity. Otherworldly creatures called the "Remnants" have been rampaging ever since and in order to keep the world at balance and out of chaos, an underground organization called "The Reapers" has been hunting down and eliminating those who have gone through the process of "Ignition and became a remnant. As "Reo Miyazaki is brought together by fate to "Akane Tanaka", his life associated with the "otherworldly" begins. *Disclaimer: This story is purely fictional. All the names and places you might in the story are all tweaked by me, so they're not real. All the covers I use for the novel are all under my ownership and those who use it without permission will be asked to take it down. Enjoy the novel!

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Chapter 1[The Beginning of Everything]

I couldn't see anything.

"—p!"

It was dark.

"—ep!"

Amid the total darkness, a hand emerged in an attempt to hold mine.

"—eep!"

It was such a pleasant, warm sensation; I began to wish that I stayed this way forever, holding onto the hand. Then suddenly, the hand grew colder, and the warm feeling was nowhere to be found. A voice vibrated through my head as the world began breaking apart, "You're not the one."

—Wha…?

"BEEP!"

I slammed the alarm shut with all the strength I could muster.

"It was just a dream…"

It was the first time I had what others called a "nightmare." Back when we lived together, my grandfather would always tell me that I never had tears; I never feared anything, nor have I ever gotten mad. It was all so evident that I could not feel the same emotions as an average person. So how come that dream made me feel this way…?

Then, a voice rang out towards me, "Big brother!"

"What do you want, Aki?"

Aki was my little sister, who I have lived with alone ever since our grandfather left us four years ago.

"Doesn't your new semester begin today?" Aki yelled out across from the living room.

As soon as she mentioned a new semester, I awoke entirely from my slumber and began dressing furiously.

I completely thought it was a Sunday…!

After I changed into my new school uniform, I dashed out of my house as fast as possible.

"I'm late, I'm late, I'm late, I'm late, I'm late."

My reputation was going to be even worse if I were to be late on the first day of school…!

"I need to speed up."

With the mindset of arriving at school as fast as I can, I began to pick up my pace so I could—

"Gah!"

A loud shriek, most likely belonging to a girl, rang in my ears as I fell backwards onto the concrete floor. Baffled by what had just happened, I lifted myself to see a girl on the ground on her knees, rubbing her forehead.

She was a beautiful girl with red hair that stood out remarkably. Matching with her bright red hair, was her eyes that also had a red tint. Her skin seemed was silky and white, that it was as if I was looking at the skin of a new-born baby. As she continued rubbing her forehead with a groan, I began apologizing. "I'm so sorry! I was in a hurry, so…"

"Yeah! At least watch where you're— I meant, I'm very sorry!"

Did she just change what she was initially going to say…?

"Uhh, were you about to say something else…?"

"N—no, I wasn't! You must be hearing things! Ha... ha… ha…" She replied, unable to face my way, and now, she was fake laughing.

She's so bad at lying…!

Deciding that it's better to stop the conversation here, I opened my phone to check the time and—

—It was 8:50 am.

"8:50 am?!"

This wasn't good. I didn't want to be late for my first day in the new semester, but there was already no hope for me to make it to the school on time.

Just as I was about to dash, a hand grabbed onto my sleeve. I looked to see that the red-hair girl was clinging onto my sleeve while panicking. "Y—you go to the same school as me, right? What happens when you're late…?"

Curious about her statement of us being in the same school, I looked down at her uniform. Her uniform had the same design as mine: the same navy-blue colour, the same red tie, and the same school logo. We did attend the same school.

"Eh? You go to the same school as me? Although, I didn't see anyone that stood out so much in my past two years."

"Well, it's because this is my first time attending the school!" she exclaimed as her cheeks blushed red.

What was she so embarrassed about?

"Anyways," I continued, "Normally, if you're late, you firstly get scolded by the building security, and secondly, you will have to embrace the embarrassment in front of the whole class while your homeroom teacher scolds you."

"You sound experienced."

"Of course, I am. I never made it to school without being late even once during my entire semester last year." I said as I let out a heavy sigh. It was true that I was never able to make it to school in time because I was a heavy sleeper. At this point, the teachers considered my late attendance as an everyday thing.

Amid remembering all the times I've been scolded for being late, the girl asked, "Then we can't get there any later! What are we going to do?"

"I mean, I think being late for me is an everyday habit, but I don't know about you."

"Gahhhhhh! If a guy didn't carelessly bump into me!"

"Hey, you're making it obvious that you're talking about me."

"Hahh…" I let out a small sigh and grabbed the girl's arm, and said, "If you're that anxious, then I can show you a shortcut."

2

It was 9:30 a.m. The shortcut that was supposed to get us to school by, at most, 9:10 am, took us more than 30 minutes to get here.

What was the girl thinking?!

She kept stopping by the pet shop's windows during the entire trip to look at the pets, which stalled a long time.

For a person who complained to me about being late, she sure took her time.

I turned around and said, "Since we arrived, I guess we won't see each other again."

"You are right. Thank you for showing me the shortcut, although it wasn't as quick as I thought."

"You're the one who stopped by the shops, though…?"

"Shut up, idiot."

We just met, and she was now talking like we were already friends before.

I waved to her and began walking towards my homeroom. But as I was walking, I noticed something off. The girl was following me. What did she want? Is her class also this way? Thinking that her homeroom was coincidentally towards where my homeroom is, I continued walking, but she took the same directions after me even when I turned around corners.

Why is this girl following me…?!

I turned around and saw her jump from my sudden movement. "Are you following me…?

"

"N—no, I'm not!" she exclaimed while blushing once again.

"I mean, if you say so." I turned back around to see that I have arrived at my homeroom. As I was reached my hand to slide the door open, another hand reached out to the door. I looked to the side.

"Uh…?"

"Eh…?"

"Don't tell me we're in the same clas—"

As soon as I shouted in surprise, the door slid open right in front of us.

"Reo Miyazaki, you're late."

This wasn't good.

"Nakamura sensei, I didn't mean to be la—"

His hand came swinging in from the top, striking my head.

"Ow…!"

"Miyazaki, I knew you were always like this, but you should—"

He stopped talking. Why did he suddenly stop talking? As I rubbed my head for the pain to subside, I looked to the side at the girl to see that the girl's head was lowered, and I could see that her face was completely red from embarrassment.

"And you must be the new student? Tanaka-san?"

"Yes, that's me…"

Compared to how she was acting towards me on the way to school, she was reticent and timid. It was as if her personality had flipped 180°.

But her last name is Tanaka, huh? It sounds familiar, but I can't quite grasp where I heard that surname before.

"Now, Tanaka-san, I understand that this is your first day here but, being late on the first day is not a good habit. Although I would be willing to let this one go if Miyazaki here tried to seduce you or something."

"Why are you making me sound like a pervert, sensei?!"

"I'm just making a joke, Miyazaki."

I looked over at the girl, hoping that she would prove sensei wrong, but I was wrong. "He—he tried to seduce me…"

She was fidgeting around with her fingers, and I could see that her cheeks were red as her bright red hair.

"I— did what...?"

Sensei turned his head around towards me with a shocked expression as his jaws dropped. Beside the door, through the windows, I could see my classmates gathered around the window, shocked as well.

"T—this is a misunderstanding, everyone…!"

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Pen_Drop · 奇幻
4.6
613 Chs

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God's Play is the staggered beginnings of a charming adventure. What do I mean by this? In this review, I'll delve into the conclusion I reached above. I'll start with the good. The characters are utterly charming, the author has deftly utilised first-person narration to open up the world inside the mind of Reo Miyazaki (Subsequently to be referred to as the MC.) The hybrid of running commentary and physical direction works really well. Through the skill of writing, the author has managed to establish quickly in my mind, and I can only assume the mind of all the readers, the personality and particular quirks of each character he has currently introduced. This has the effect of rapidly creating affinity between the reader and the characters. To care about a story, you have to care about the characters. I recently dropped a webnovel because while I found the premise fascinating, the main character was as animated as rotting wood. Sure there may have been something interesting happening, but it was happening so slowly that I couldn't stay invested. Happily, God's play does not suffer from uninteresting blank slabs of characters. Further, to the author's credit, the premise itself is really interesting. The author has created a mystery within the prologue that while unexplained, creates excitement as to how it all ties in. The way in which the author alludes to the prologue without delving too far into it, within the main body of the work, builds anticipation for when the full picture is brought to light. The actual story is itself nothing to sneeze at. Reapers and Remnants, the lurking threat of the primordial Remnants... lets just say, it's all exciting stuff. So that's the good, where lies the bad? To the author's credit, the writing is easy to read, however it would benefit massively from proofreading and editing. I found a myraid of issues regarding tenses shifts, redundant words and phrases and clunky writing. Furthermore, the author falls for the easy trap of saying and not showing. Somewhat justified as the MC has some emotional problems, there are places where the MC does feel something, and it would be beneficial to illustrate them. The formatting of the work is sometimes baffling. It improves somewhat as the chapters progress, but the author creates new lines too frequently. Sometimes for each sentence of narration. Occasionally, I find the new lines add effects to the work, but far too often, I find it to be superfluous. My biggest issue with this work comes in the middle of Chapter 7 (The latest chapter available at this time) The author changes POV within the same chapter. While this can be achieved rather well if the author were utilising third-person narration, in the first-person, it's a major taboo. It lends itself to massive confusion. It should be avoided at all costs. It takes more planning, and world-building is more difficult, but first-person narration is an intentional limitation on the perspectives of characters who are not part of the main cast. In trying to reap the benefits of first-person narration as well as remove the restraints, the author created a confusing situation. My suggestion there would be to learn how to utilise the restraints of first-person narration as a strength. By utilising the restraints, you'll be able to surprise the reader along with the character the narration switches between. So my thoughts? God's play is utterly charming, it really is. I look forward to reading more as it continues. It is, however, far from what it could be. By honing their craft, the author can really turn this charming tale, into a masterpiece. The question is whether they're willing to put in the hard work that would take. Writing Quality: 3/5 Stability of Updates: 5/5 Story Development: 4/5 Character Design: 4/5 World Background: 5/5 Overall: 21/25 Pretty damn good.

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