Give Me Your Heart, Not Blood! [BL]

COMPLETE BOOK REVAMP.

The entirety of the previously published chapters, besides this and the NSFWs have been deleted. I kept the NSFW chapters (in aux. volume w/ artworks) for people looking for sauce but they won't be canon anymore.

—

YEAR: 2042

EARTH.

The breakout hit game 'God Slayer' released not more than a month ago. Its next-gen graphics paired with promisingly open-ended content and strong demo-builds have generated an obscene amount of hype. However, the main draw is definitely the inspiration it took from franchises like 'Dank Souls' as many have coined it as the series' true successor.

With a souls-like combat system and boss-rush gameplay that offer its own spin of unique RPG leveling mechanics and in-depth lore, it wasn't even a question if the game would be a hit. Not to mention, the gaming community largely agreed on there being a drought of good games prior to God Slayer's release making it stand out all the more. No false promises were made and the game certainly delivered above and beyond expectations.

Due to the immense hype, spoilers were ALL OVER social media like Twotter and Instacram. Lore-junkies like myself blue-balled themselves of the teasers and leaks by deleting all their online presence for almost a year. It was all worth it for the blind experience (spoiler-free) of one of the greatest games to ever be released. Despite my hardcore spoiler-free lifestyle, I'm a hypocrite who's about to spoil information for you.

Kratos, the protagonist of God Slayer, is a pristine specimen of muscle who has four arms. This is allegedly due to the game developers wanting to allow the player to wield multiple weapons at once, but I've excused it as a fetish because BOY does it turn me on!

*Ahem* Kratos' bronze skin tone, tribal tattoos, and scantily clad clothing made him an instant hit with straight men wanting to self-insert themselves into power fantasies but also extremely popular as an object of fanart. Afterall, LGBT R34 is quite the innovator in the art community because of art's tremendously queer foundation.

My horny descriptions and opinions of Kratos aside, the plot of the game follows him on his quest to kill all the Gods in the world of 'Sophrosyne', named after the ancient philosophy of balance. The Gods of this game come in many varieties and take inspiration from Greek, Nordic, and even Egyptian Gods.

Mythology nerds have been ecstatic over the game bringing many relatively unknown Gods into the spotlight like the trending 'Shezmu the Executioner', who has gained notoriety with the increasing popularity of speedruns. Egyptian mythos of him consists mainly of owl hieroglyphs that at first paint him as a benevolent God of Love but later dramatically shift his representstion into his status as 'The Blood God'.

Within the game, Shezmu is the hidden final boss who has stringent requirements to be able to fight. If Kratos doesn't defeat the other Gods fast enough, Shezmu willingly becomes mortal to avoid confrontation with the God Slayer as he only is aggressive towards the divine. The Game also allows Kratos to spare Gods which impact the ending and difficulty of the game. Shezmu only shows up as a boss if the player decides to kill every God AND defeats them all at a fast pace.

Lore-wise Shezmu incorporates his status of 'Executioner' through his contrast of Kratos. In many ways, Shezmu could be considered the original God Slayer as he's one of the few mythological figures that works a 9 to 5 as a beheader of the holy.

When challenging Shezmu to a duel, their dialogue mainly consists of flexing each others' body counts - who's killed more Gods and who's the 'true' God Slayer. Of course, Kratos is controlled by the 'Player' who can infinitely try again so canonically you could consider him to be the stronger of the two.

God Slayer doesn't have any romance system in the game but I feel like Kratos and Shezmu are DEFINITELY hatefucking.

???-1: {Ah, I better stop myself from going on a lore rant before I bore you to death.}

???-2: {Sean, we gonna fuck or what?}

Hey! That entire monologue was actually said out loud to my current hook-up… Don't judge me! Talking about things I'm passionate about gets me horny~

Why am I talking like this to myself in my own head? I was homeschooled. Plus, I refuse to believe that I'm the only person who doesn't pretend they're the main character in a sitcom to distract themselves from the awkwardness of reality.

Sean: {Anyway~ Where was I, Jon?}

Jonathan, the guy currently blowing my back out, is annoyed by the fact that I finally stopped my tirade on my favorite video game only to continue my rant the second after I orgasmed.

Sean: {I'm pretty sure there's homoerotic tension between Kratos and Shezmu. I mean, every line they have pretty much SCREAMS secret romance - not that there's any romance in the game. I would quote it but I have a pretty bad memory and I–}

Jonathan: {WOULD YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP?! I'll buy the fucking game later will that make you happy?}

Jon's vein is bursting out of his forehead obscenely. He's clearly fed up with my complete lack of interest in our current ~wrestling match~ and is desperately trying to stay flaccid enough to reach his climax.

Jonathan: {Are you trying to turn me off?}

He whimpers coquettishly.

Sean: {No, but cucking you right now is kind of turning me back on~}

… Suddenly, a sock is shoved in my mouth for the rest of Jon and myself's encounter.

A WEEK LATER.

Hot water is currently running off of my smooth muscles. The shower has an intricate mirror that screams HOMOSEXUAL which allows me to admire my current figure. Bringing my razor to my ass hairs, I gingerly withhold my desires to pleasure myself as I look into the reflection to see my spread cheeks.

"Damn, my ass a whole bakery!"

I'm cleaning myself up for my first date in years. That guy I met last week, Jonathan, seems to really like me for some reason. I literally ignored him as we had sex and forced him to download a game he's clearly not into (but is pretending to like for my sake). The least I can do is actually give him a chance… It's just that I don't really know how to do this whole 'romance' thing. As a certified hoe, I know how to **** but I've long since given up on love.

My heart thumps a bit faster than normal as I turn the water off and lean against the bathroom walls. Jon seems to genuinely want to get to know me more even with me being a bonafide asshole to him… maybe… just maybe, he's 'the one'.

I push myself away from the wall and scoff at myself for thinking so childishly. True love doesn't exist, sorry kids. Patting myself down with a towel covered in cartoon owls (a T-OWL), I send a quick text to him that I'll be running a bit late. I need to calm myself down and figure out what to wear.

It's a first date so I should make a good impression. With this in mind, I debate a suit-n-tie, but I don't want to seem like I care too much so I discard that idea. Eyeing my turtlenecks from my hipster phase, I seriously consider them to come across more intellectual but he already knows how much of a dumb bitch I am so there's no shot he falls for that…

"No, that's too gay."

"Too straight."

"Flannel? Let's be honest, here girls…"

"No, I can't just go shirtless - unless? No, no… Unless?

"…No."

Finally, I come to a conclusion after tearing apart my wardrobe and seriously consider going nude. I opt for a tight-fighting collared white-tee to show off my muscles and a pair of loose fitting black joggers. It gives a casual business impression and classic white-on-black pairing while also showing my athletic side and not being too serious. Perfect!

I ask Jon for the address of the coffee shop over text and hurriedly sprint out the door. Catching myself, I once again calm my nerves and slow my pace. I said that I might be late only to end up leaving 20 minutes early due to nerves…

"Hah, there's no way he won't catch on to how much I'm crushing right now."

But, I guess that isn't really a bad thing. I've always kind of wanted a relationship but came up with reasons not to. Since I have extra time, I decide to take a detour to the convenience store to buy some condoms in case Jon and I get freaky after our date (or if it doesn't work out and I need to fuck the pain away).

As I absentmindedly think to myself, I suddenly feel time slow down as my body completely freezes. A blinding light slowly consumes my peripherals and the reverb honk of a massive truck deafens my ears.

"I should've died in the hands of a 4-armed beefcake!"

I lament as I greet the metallic guide to the afterlife known as Truck-Sama. Hopefully, death by truck increases my odds of reincarnation? I'll even take some unknown System God putting me into an endless loop of being his bitch. Anything that gives me a second chance…

—

Darkness. There's nothing to do but think. I become increasingly aware of how much I hate myself. How much I fucked up my life. How much I wanted to live.

I was never good enough - Or, I guess, I *felt* like I was never good enough. I didn't ever actually ask anyone if I was or open up to those close to me with even a fraction of my worries, and yet, I placed so many thoughts in my head that I assumed were theirs. In hindsight, I wish I could ask my parents their opinion of me. I wish I could've told them about my desire to bang dudes. I wish I would've actually gone out and had a real relationship. Fuck, I *really* wish that I had kids. I always wanted to be a dad.

But, I'm dead. There's not really any value in me mulling over lost possibilities. No use in droning over the fact that I always placed a higher standard for myself at every step of the way. "When I get into my 'desired' University, I'll get into a relationship." "When I get my 'dream' job, I'll tell my friends and family my sexuality." "When I get my 'optimal' house, I'll adopt a kid." And so on.

I set so many empty goals and met them, but I never rewarded myself with what I said I would. I was always scared and there was always a higher goal that I could place that prevented me from taking that leap of faith. "I'm not good enough, yet. If I manage to do X like Y person, then I'll have justification to do Z." My life seemed to follow this endless pattern.

My helpless attitude towards life didn't end with myself, though. No, it was way worse than that. I also set high standards in my love life. "He needs to be conventionally attractive, fit, kind and obedient in daily life but domineering in the bedroom, have a good job, want kids, be around my age, have *assets* that I desire..." Long story short, the man of my dreams doesn't exist in reality. In fantasy, though...

Anything is possible. So, I'd often drift off into thought as I played video games. Imagining the various male characters sorting out their differences through kissing, even though they're all clearly straight. Any game with even an iota of a mention of homoerotic romance I'd buy instantly, often to be disappointed by game company's queerbaiting, but the fanart and fanfiction never disappoint.

I'd always make fun of my best friend who'd go on and on about his virtual 'waifus'. The lack of shamelessness combined with the overt desperation he would exude was embarrassing for all that surrounded him, to say the least, but I'm not much better. I just hid my shamelessness in my bedroom and talked about my 'husbandos', in secret, with internet friends - who were likely teenage girls in reality...

So, is the plight of man, I suppose? Gay or straight.

Perhaps my worst offense was my delusion, I genuinely believed that I didn't have high standards. That I was trying my best and it just wasn't working out. That I didn't want a relationship. Or kids. Or happiness, I guess.

Maybe, I would've figured all of this out if I lived a bit longer. I would've found someone who made me feel 'at home' and accepted their faults. I would've came out to my family and friends then carried on with my life. Maybe, Jon would've been the one to push my life in the right direction.

No matter, my life is over. I was walking to the convenience store to pick up condoms for a hook-up, like some sleazy whore, when a semi-truck veered into the sidewalk and flattened me instantly. As an avid reader of the 'Isekai' genre, I can proudly say that I lost to the glorious truck-sama. All of my secrets are bound to come out after my death. They'll find my search history, past relationships, and the depressed notes of my therapist. Alas, I'm dead and there's no looking back. Hopefully, there's a next life 'cuz this one kind of sucked ass.

—

Footnotes:

*next-gen graphics = advanced/realistic visuals

*open-ended = lots of ways for the player to change the plot of the game

*demo-builds = version of a video game released before launch to give people a taste of the game early

*souls-like = a game with combat similar to Dark Souls, difficult boss fights and boss-rush gameplay

*boss-rush = gameplay that consists of fighting many bosses one after another

*RPG = Roleplaying Game, games that have kind of 'choose your own adventure' mechanics

*R34 = Rule 34, NSFW fanart

*speedrun = trying to complete a game as fast as possible for clout & competitive reasons