CHAPTER 22

Yoongi spent fifteen minutes knocking on Jimin's door and explaining himself—all in vain. Jimin didn't open the door and covered his ears the first five minutes, before he realised he was acting like a child. Jimin spent another fifteen minutes having an internal battle with himself. Should I open the door and let him fix it or make him suffer in revenge?In the middle of his mental chaos, Jungkook's voice echoed in his head, "Why would you say something you know it will hurt that person, if you don't even mean it?" Does ignoring someone that clearly wants to fix things counts as hurting someone even if you don't mean it? But he hurt me first, he and his delusions with Jungkook. He complains about me, but he and Taehyung are the ones obsessed.Jimin didn't argue with Yoongi frequently, he never gave him a reason. Nevertheless, he can barely recognise him when the main topic is Jungkook, Yoongi didn't use to be like that, of them all he never got jealous—but he always felt the need to mark his territory. He never used to make scenes before ...Too tired of talking to himself and not finding a solution, he swings the door open without making a sound. He lets out all the air he held when he doesn't spot him, but short sniffs get his attention and shifts his head towards the floor.Yoongi hugs his knees close to his chest, keeping his head low as he swings his body forward and backward, so slow Jimin blinks a few times to make sure he doesn't imagine things. A knot in his throat lets him speechless, even after all these years, it still hurts seeing Yoongi cry. He has never been the one to shed tears, less for over a small discussion as the one they had half an hour ago. Was I too hard on him?Freeze in the spot and with the knot growing as the seconds pass by, Yoongi finally notices his presence. Dried tears remain on his face, his eyes smaller and red. They stare at each other, Yoongi won't make a move until Jimin says so and Jimin struggles to keep himself together."Come," he achieves to mutter, and enters to the comfort of his room.Yoongi's movements are slow and hesitant, he keeps the door open once he's in.Jimin sits on his bed while Yoongi keeps pacing around, his eyes on Jimin. The blond boy keeps his head down staring at the yellow birds in his pajama pants. Should I appologize for what I said? No, he should appologize first. Should I say something first? Should he speak first - should I make him talk? Oh god, he talked for fifteen minutes and now he can't even form a single sentence?"You can talk, if my permission is what you're waiting for." finally he raises his head. They won't fix anything if they both keep silent.Yoongi takes a seat on the table and plays with his fists. "Look, an I'm sorry won't fix it, an I trust you either, and an I'm just trying to keep my boyfriend by my side will make it worse. So I don't know what am I supposed to tell you. I've told you everything. If you want to dump me, dump me. If you want to forgive me, forgive me. I can't make the decision for you.""You don't care if we stay together or split up?" Jimin gasps, blinking rapidly at his boyfriend."What the fuck Jimin? No! Of course I care!" Yoongi drops his hands to his sides and slips off the table. "You mean everything to me, but - but I -" Yoongi ruffles his hair and exhales harshly.Jimin gulps. "But you?"Yoongi bites his lips and sniffs, another wave of tears threatening to fall. "I'm scared to lose you. I'm scared you end up liking him more -" his voice trembles at the end and he pauses to take a breath, "with the boys we promised to stick together as one, but what if you end up liking JK? You could, I don't know, fall for him as you fell for the six of us."Jimin stands up narrowing his eyebrows. "That won't happen.""How are you so sure?" he snaps. "Maybe you're too used to me, too used to -"Jimin doesn't let him finish, his blood boils at the thought of him believing such thing. He doesn't mean it, he's just insecure. "Yoongi, for the last time, he doesn't like me. He doesn't like any of us romantically and if he did - if he - he wouldn't do it on purpose, we can't control how we feel! Since when have you been feeling insecure?"Yoongi takes a step back and raises his eyebrows. "I'm not insecure."Jimin stares at him for a moment. "You haven't? Are you sure? All signs point to insecurity. We can talk, if there's something bigger behind your disgust towards JK. You can trust me, we can solve it, you can - ""Fuck it, Jimin! His looks disgusts me, his voice disgusts me, his flying kicks disgust me—no, I don't care about all of that, actually." he clicks his tongue and steps near Jimin, invading his personal space. "But do you wannna know what makes me want to make him bleed, destroy his face he can't even recognise himself in the mirror?""W - what?" Jimin stutters, arching his shoulders."You still don't notice, do you? The disgusting way he looks at you," he steps closer, his breath brushing Jimin's face, "you don't notice or you fool yourself to not notice?! How can you call yourself my boyfriend and not to fucking notice how he looks at you!?""Yoongi, please, step away." Jimin manages to say with a tiny voice.Yoongi does so. "Tell me, do you notice?""I - I don't - I don't know what you're talking about. Jungkook doesn't look at me d - disgusted. He - he appreciates me. I know he does. Don't try to make me believe your delusions. He - he maybe doesn't like you b - because you keep attacking him even if he's - even if he's not here." his breath shakes and Jimin steps away from his boyfriend until he reaches the bed."No, you're right. It's not - it's not disgust," he points himself shaking his head.Jimin dares to look at him at the surprising, but tiny sob that leaves his lips."IT'S DISGUSTING BECAUSE HE LOOKS AT YOU THE SAME WAY I LOOK AT YOU!" he screams at the top of his lungs. "The weird way Taehyung says? No—no it's not weird," he shakes his head, not caring at all at this point if his voice betrays him or not, "the poor boy just can't describe how a fucking stranger will look at you the same way we all look at you! Fucking wake up, Jimin!" Yoongi doesn't mean to scream, he truly does—but how on earth someone they met over the summer would look at Jimin as he held the universe in his eyes? Yoongi can't explain it. "The kiddo - the kiddo - ugh he's up to something!" Yoongi rubs his hands harshly on his face as he comes back to himself. "He - he looks at you the same way I look at you ... how - how - can you not notice, bae?" he whispers, walking backwards until his body collides with someone else's."Hey, what's going on? Your yells reach the living room. Everything okay?" his favourite voice asks.Yoongi doesn't want anything more than to dig a hole and hide in it forever.Jimin shakes his head and wipes off his own tears. "No, we were - we're talking, that's - that's it, just talking and I - he ..."The couple stare at each other with swollen eyes and their soul on the verge of breaking down."Babe?"Yoongi shakes his head and walks away without sparing a glance to Hoseok, his heart won't handle the disappointment in his face once he finds out."Jimin-ah ..." Hoseok sighs, his head towards where Yoongi has left a moment ago. "Do you want me to wake up Tae?"Jimin shakes his head and steps closer, his arms find their way around Hoseok's neck. "Just ... just stay with me tonight."