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Dear Ex-Boyfriend

作者: NicocolinePH
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Chapter 1Keila

Dear Ex-boyfriend,

Alec~

It's been 1 year now, 1 year na kong single. 2nd year anniversary sana natin ngayon, but it turned out to be my anniversary as a single.

Time flew really fast.

Dear Ex-boyfriend nasan ka na kaya?

Di ko alam pero imbis na magalit ako sa ginawa mo ay tinanggap ko pa din.

Masakit, oo sobra. Pero ganun ata talaga pag mahal mo. You are be willing to do anything they want, even if it means setting them free.

1 year na Alec simula nung araw na tinapos mo ang pagtatanga-tangahan ko.

Naalala ko na naman 1 year ago, ito sana ang masayang araw ko, natin. But now? It was the opposite.

Alam mo bang ang tanga tanga ko para i-celebrate pa din ang pagluluksa ko? Ewan ko ba, tinamaan ako ni kupido ng big time. Sobra akong nahulog sayo. Binigay ko lahat sayo, lahat ng hiningi mo para lang mapatunayan ko sayo kung gaano kita kamahal. Isa akong tanga para mapasunod at mapaikot mo. Isa akong bulag para hindi ko makita na niloloko mo ako.

Sa mata ko isa kang anghel at halos hindi makabasag pinggan. Subalit sa mata mo isa lamang akong laruan na iyong babalikan pag sawa ka na sa iba mo pang laruan.

1 year ago it was supposed to be our anniversary. Nagkita tayo sa ilalim ng puno ng Acacia kung saan madalas tayong tumambay.

Sobrang excited ako nun kasi magkikita tayo. Naalala ko pa nun na dala dala ko pa ang isang pulang box na naglalaman ng regalo ko para sayo.

Natatanaw kita nun katabi ng nakaukit na pangalan natin sa puno.

'Alec ❤️ Keila'

Kinikilig kilig pa ako nun kasi napakagwapo mo talaga at kahit na napaka busy mo ay nabigyan mo ng time ang anniversary natin.

Ang sarap sana sa pakiramdam na kaya mo akong bigyan ng oras nun.

Tinawag kita nun ng may ngiti sa labi. Liningon mo ako at binanggit ang aking pangalan.

"Keila'"

Kasabay ng pag banggit mo no'n sa pangalan ko ay ang malakas na hangin na nagpalipad sa mga buhok ko at kasabay din no'n ang pag daan ng kakaibang emosyon sa mga mata mo na hindi ko mapangalanan.

Lumapit ako sayo nun Alec. Natatandaan ko pa ang pag yakap ko sayo. Niyakap mo din ako pero nararamdaman ko na may mali.

"Happy anniversary Alec" sinabi ko yan sayo ng hindi bumibitiw sa yakap. Wala kang sagot. Wala kang sinabi at ipinaramdam mo lamang saakin na may mali.

May mali, matagal na pero hindi ko pinapansin. May mali at alam kong sasabog na yun ngayon pero pinipili ko pa din hindi pansinin. Ganito ako katanga sayo Alec.

"Mahal kita Alec" sinabi ko uli sayo nang pagbitaw mo. Tinanguan mo lang ako habang ipinipilit ko na okay lang, na baka may sakit ka lang, na baka pagod ka lang sa thesis mo hanggang sinabi mo saakin na,

"Let's stop this Keila"

Stop? Titigil? Tayo? Bakit? Mga tanong ko sa aking isipan na hindi ko mailabas dahil sa pagkabigla.

"Tatawa na ba ako Alec? Hahaha. Ang galing mo talaga magbiro."

"I'm serious Keila"

Hindi ako makatingin sayo no'n ng maayos. Pinagpipilitan ko sa sarili ko na maayos tayo, na okay tayo, na hindi ito totoo. Hinanap mo ang mata ko, at pilit mo akong pinapaharap sayo.

"You're just joking Alec, ano ka ba?"

Ang tanga tanga ko kasi pinipilit ko na naman na okay lang kahit hindi na.

"We are not over and we are never getting over Alec"

Hindi ako tumitingin sayo kasi natatakot akong baka totoo nga, baka tapos na nga, baka sawa ka na nga, mas gugustuhin ko pang magbulag-bulagan at magkunwaring maayos tayo.

"You're just joking Alec, don't speak nonsense things."

"Keila, look at me. Please look at me."

Hinawakan mo ang aking mukha at pilit ihinaharap sayo subalit matigas ako.

"Pagod ka lang." Sinabi ko sayo na hindi ko na alam kung ikaw ba ang kinukumbinsi ko o ang sarili ko.

"Keila please, wag na nating pahirapin pa to."

Nang sawakas ay tumingin ako sayo kakaibang galit ang naramdaman ko.

"PAGOD KA LANG ALEC, UMUWI NA MUNA TAYO AND PLEASE STOP THIS NONSENSE!"

Sumabog ako, hindi ko alam kung paano ko haharapin to. Hindi ko alam, hindi ko kaya. Hinila kita paalis pero hindi mo binitawan ang kamay ko.

"Keila, I don't love you anymore."

Nasasaktan ako kasi nagmamakaawa ang boses mo. You are pleading for your freedom na hindi ko kayang maibigay. Humihikbi na lang ako habang kulang na lang ay lumuhod ka makalaya ka lang.

"Ano bang kulang Alec? Binigay ko naman lahat ah"

"Lahat ng hiniling mo ay ibinigay ko sayo."

"Halos ialay ko na nga buhay ko sayo diba?"

"Ipinaglaban din kita sa parents ko kasi nangako ka Alec."

"Nangako ka na ako lang."

"and after all of the things that I had done for you"

"Ito? Ito ang isusukli mo?"

Halos matumba na ako sa pagsusumbat sayo ng mga ginawa ko kahit ramdam kong walang magbabago.

"Yun na nga Keila ang problema"

"Wala ka ng thrill."

"Wala ka ng challenge kasi lahat ibinigay mo na."

"Lahat nakuha ko na"

"Loob mo, katawan mo, at nakakasawa na."

"Nakakasawa ka na."

"Nakakasawa na ang pagiging clingy mo"

"Nakakasawa na ang pagiging tanga mo."

"Nakakasawa ka na at gusto ko nang tumikim ng iba Keila."

"Nakakasawa ka n-"

Hindi ko na kinaya lahat ng mga sinabi mo kaya't nasampal kita. After everything that I had done.

"Bakit Alec? Hindi mo ba nagagawang tumikim ng iba behind my back? Hindi ka ba nasasarapan sa pagpapakasasa sa akin?"

It yung masakit na katotohanan. Alam ko naman na may iba sya. Alam ko lahat ng kalokohan niya but I remained silent.

"Alam mo naman pala pero bakit hindi ka pa makipagbreak? Bakit inantay mo pang masaktan kita ng ganito?"

"At huwag mong isusumbat sakin ang mga ginawa mo dahil ginusto mo din lahat yon Keila"

I remained silent dahil akala ko magbabago ka din, akala ko magiging maayos din. Akala ko magtitino ka at malalaman mo din ang halaga ko pero akala ko lang pala.

"Ginawa ko yo'n dahil mahal kita Alec. Can't you see?"

I will never do anything for you Alec kung hindi kita mahal. Hindi ako magpapadala sayo kung hindi kita mahal. Hindi ako magbubulag-bulagan kung hindi kita mahal. Mas lalong hindi ako magpapanggap na okay at ibibigay ang sarili ko sayo kung hindi kita mahal Alec.

But sadly, for you isa lamang akong laruan.

"Let's stop this Keila."

I was about to say no, then you said it.

"Tumigil ka na Keila kung may natitira ka pang respeto sa sarili mo."

Respeto sa sarili. Isang bagay na nawala sakin mula nung minahal kita. I disobeyed my parents for you. I disobeyed my own rules for you. I lost everything because of you. I disobeyed Him because of you. Because of you nawalan na ako ng respeto sa sarili ko.

Dear Ex-boyfriend, sa lahat ng sakit na idinulot mo ay nagpapasalamat pa din ako sayo. Ikaw man ang naging dahilan ng pagkabulag ko ay ikaw din ang dahilan ng pagkamulat ko. Thank you for the wounds, hindi pa man ito lubusang magaling ay alam ko na hindi na ito mauulit pa. This will forever be a warning to me, na kung magmamahal man ako uli ay dapat hindi sobra. Dapat kong tirhan ang sarili ko ng pagmamahal at higit sa lahat dapat kong tirhan ang sarili ko ng respeto.

Dear Ex-boyfriend, I still wish you well. Kahit na isa tayo sa mga pinagtagpo ngunit hindi itinadhana ay idinadalangin ko pa din na makilala mo ang para sayo. I hated you but I still love you. Marupok ako dati pero ngayon? Marupok pa din siguro in some ways but way stronger with so much self respect. I don't know if I am now the better version of myself but all I know is what happened between us made me stronger.

Nagmamahal,

Keila.

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