The Day Everything Changed (edited)

Hey, I'm Mason, and before you ask, no, I do not know what the numbers mean. I am your average lazy piece of shit American. Above all, I loved playing video games. I am 5' 11", 250 lbs, and a possible weeb in the making.

Why do I continue to talk to myself? Am I going insane?

Well, I suppose it doesn't matter now anyway. I was playing one of my favorite games, DMC 5. I just finished defeating Urizen on the first mission in Dante Must Die mode. Some may say I am lying, but in reality, I was just playing as Vergil. Unless you're surrounded, the game is a walk in the park as Vergil. I am currently in the middle of deciding whether I should do Heaven and Hell mode next, when my mother called for me.

I love my parents and my parents love me, despite the fact that I'm a lazy degenerate, which is what I love about them. My mother Beatrice and my father Michael are really good people, though they do have their flaws.

Beatrice - "Hey Mason, I'm gonna need you to go out and do some things for me."

She says while cooking something.

Mason - "Yeah mum, what you need."

Despite the fact that I'm lazy, I don't complain about it. There really isn't a point in pissing off my mum by complaining. Besides, she has done a lot for me, it's the least I can d-

Beatrice - "I'm gonna need you to go to the store and buy some groceries, use my debit card. I'll also need you to go pick up your little brother from school. You'll also have to go drop a package off at aunt Patricia's for me. Everything you need is on the table. Once you get back I'll also need you to do the laundry, dishes, and mow the lawn."

I take a deep breath to calm myself down.

Mason - 'It's better than having to pay taxes.'

I tell myself. Yeah, I'm not exactly of age yet, but I am 17, so I have my driver's license.

Mason - "Yes mom, I'll be back in a bit."

Michael - "U-um, aren't you putting a little bit too much on him?"

My mother just stops what she's doing and stares at my father, as if daring him to ask it again.

Michael - "Yes honey."

He says dejectedly. What are you doing, she didn't even say anything yet! My mother continues what she's doing with a proud look on her face. An absolute psychopath.

I grab everything I need for this arduous task from the table and start up our car. It's nothing special, just a standard white car. The engine revs up and I'm on my way.

I arrive shortly afterward at my local Walmart. I grab a cart, my non specific shopping list, and I'm on my way. As I'm looking at the cheese section, trying to find out which one my mom wants, because she isn't very specific. No seriously, it just says cheese on the list. Like what do you want woman?! Shredded, slices, mozerella, american, cheddar, swiss, blue?!

As I'm having an anxiety attack, I hear screams and then gunshots. I look to my right towards the entrance of the isle and see… Rick Astley? In a checkered suit?

I was so confused I didn't see him pull out a silver engraved M1911.

Rick Astley? - "Truth is, the rules were rigged from the start. Say goodbye."

Next thing I know, there's .45 ACP in my skull. Or is it 9mm? From what I remember, it can be chambered in .45 ACP and 9mm. A better question would be why the hell am I still conscious? Did they manage to save me, like go rootin around in my brain and pull all the lead out? Considering the Benny and Rick Astley crossover, I would imagine so.

My thoughts are interrupted by sudden movement. What? How does that work? All I see is a black void. I try to move around and all I can get is minuscule movement. I also have this strange viscous, warm feeling around my body and I can breath just fine.

I've read enough fanfics to know where this is going. It is likely that I am currently in my mother's womb. Okay, then I just have to wait. Of course being a baby is going to be embarrassing, but I get to be lazy as much as I want, so I guess it's worth it.

I wonder how my family is doing right now though. Did they cry over me? Have they moved on yet? Good thing I didn't get Jeffery first, I wouldn't know if my mother would be able handle both of her children dying, if I'm dead, that is. Am I dead? For all I know, I'm just in a coma, getting shot in the head will do that to a person.

My answer is immediately answered by the sudden feeling as if I can't breath. I run forward to get out of where I am right now. I feel resistance at first, until a second charge collapses whatever is containing me.

Haha! You can't contain me, I am invincible!

I look behind me and notice that I came out of an egg? I was too engrossed in my attempt to survive that I completely forgot that instead of being pushed out, I pushed myself out. (Imagine the lightning wyvern egg from Ark: Survival Evolved)

Mason - 'So I am probably reptilian in nature eh? Well from what I remember, I am supposed to eat the shell to help early growth.'

I take a bite out of the shell and instead of being bland, like I thought it would be, it tasted kind of like buttered popcorn. Damn this is good!

As I gorge myself on the rather delicious ass pearl, I fail to notice the room I'm in, and the eyes staring at me.

END

Alright lads, this is the newest 'chapter' tell me what you guys thought of it. Peace!