Depths of Affection

Chun Tao was merely a maidservant; how could she dare to so boldly monitor Feng Xuan Yue's every move in this Rose Courtyard without her mistress's bidding? Chun Tao must be her personal attendant, Feng Xuan Yue mused, recalling the story of Li Hanyue from years past, who had sacrificed her own maid to save her life. Although the stakes were not as severe this time, if Feng Xuan Yue were to harden her heart, eliminating a lowly servant like Chun Tao would be no more challenging than crushing an ant.

In this world, when a mistress errs, the servant bears the blame—a commonplace occurrence indeed. Yet, an unexpected displeasure welled up within Feng Xuan Yue. She had intended to say a few things to Chun Tao, but now the words stuck in her throat, and she felt reluctant to speak. She smiled, but only she knew how cold that smile truly was.

A pang of sorrow filled her heart for Bai Zhanfeng. His forthright and single-minded nature made mutual respect a formidable challenge. If only Chen Ruoxi could embody the warmth and directness of Nian Xiaoyu from the past, devoid of ulterior motives, perhaps their relationship wouldn't be so strained.

"Rise," she said softly. 

Feng Xuan Yue chose not to elaborate further and turned to re-enter her chamber. She wished to keep the matter from escalating, as it was Chen Ruoxi who would accompany Bai Zhanfeng for life. She truly hoped that their bond would not be marred by any chasm because of her.

Chen Ruoxi cast a curious glance at Chun Tao, perplexed by Feng Xuan Yue's graciousness, and coldly uttered, "You may rise." 

Chun Tao regarded Feng Xuan Yue's retreating figure with some confusion. Seeing Chen Ruoxi follow her inside, she stood up but remained at the door, refraining from entering further. 

Feng Xuan Yue approached the table, poured a cup of water, and handed it to Chen Ruoxi, then filled another for herself. Having just awoken, her thirst was considerable. She drank heartily, finishing the cup in one go, then snacked on a few pastries. Chen Ruoxi sat across from her, scrutinizing Feng Xuan Yue's every move. Throughout her life, she had never encountered a woman so unrefined; Feng Xuan Yue even made noise while drinking tea.

Chen Ruoxi had been waiting for Feng Xuan Yue to speak. A flicker of anxiety gnawed at her; a woman as astute as Feng Xuan Yue could hardly be expected to believe her claims. Though Chun Tao was her maid, if everything were a matter of her own volition, as her mistress, she would still bear a measure of responsibility for her poor conduct. After a long pause, Feng Xuan Yue remained silent, smiling as she gazed toward the door.

Finally, Chen Ruoxi set her tea cup down, interrupting the stillness. "Feng Xuan Yue, may I address you as such?" 

Feng Xuan Yue smiled lightly, brushing crumbs from her hands. "Call me whatever you find comfortable." 

Titles are mere labels; what truly matters is the essence of the individual, a fact that has never weighed heavily on Feng Xuan Yue's mind. 

"Chun Tao has been by my side since childhood. If she has offended you in any way, I hope you will overlook it." 

Feng Xuan Yue's brows furrowed involuntarily; she had no desire to pursue this matter, so why must it be brought up again? She could not determine if it was the lingering fatigue from her recent awakening or something else, but her discontent for Chen Ruoxi only intensified. 

"Lady Bai is fortunate to have such a commendable maidservant," Feng Xuan Yue remarked, her smile tinged with irony. She considered them both to be intelligent individuals, knowing that some topics were best left unspoken, and she trusted that Chen Ruoxi would understand her meaning. 

Chen Ruoxi smiled, though her expression was strained. As her anxieties gradually subsided, she found solace in the realization that Feng Xuan Yue might not disclose the incident to Bai Zhanfeng. She was acutely aware of how much he valued the woman sitting across from her, and merely contemplating the possibility of such news reaching him sent a chill of dread down her spine. 

"Feng Xuan Yue, you won't tell Bai Zhanfeng about this, will you?" 

Chen Ruoxi fixed her gaze on Feng Xuan Yue, her eyes filled with urgency. Deep down, she still felt a sense of unease and wished for Feng Xuan Yue to reassure her with a promise, as only then could she truly relax. 

Previously, she had believed herself to be fortunate, but upon encountering Feng Xuan Yue, she grasped what it truly meant to be a daughter of heaven—born into nobility, leading a legendary life, surrounded by men who were also paragons of excellence. Those suitors, coveted by every woman, placed her in the palm of their hands. Among them, Lan Wang was particularly remarkable, willing to forsake his life for her. How could someone like Feng Xuan Yue ever fathom her unrequited feelings? She could never understand the depths of Chen Ruoxi's affection for Bai Zhanfeng. 

Her grandfather had served alongside Bai Ao, their camaraderie longstanding. As a child, her grandfather often took her to the Bai residence, where she met the rebellious boy clad in black, with a perpetually solemn demeanor, rarely engaging with others her age. She had seldom seen him smile, and Bai Ao often jested about her becoming his bride, a sentiment her grandfather frequently echoed. 

At that time, she was too young to comprehend love, yet she vividly remembered that serious boy named Bai Zhanfeng. Later, he departed from Chu Kingdom, disappearing for nearly a decade, and then rumors of his exploits began to swirl through the world. 

A once-in-a-century martial arts prodigy, a youthful hero, unparalleled in strength—her grandfather and parents often claimed that the only man worthy of Chen Ruoxi was that lad from the Bai family. 

Subsequently, rumors surrounding him were invariably tied to the former leader of the martial arts alliance's daughter, Nian Xiaoyu. In the beginning, she had been fearful, worried he might choose Nian Xiaoyu. Yet, three years had passed, and he persistently rejected her. Several maids spoke of his coldness and lack of compassion, but she saw it differently; such a man embodied true loyalty. If a man like him were to fall in love, he would never waver throughout his lifetime.

As she secretly rejoiced, the maid, Chun Tao, informed her that he had already found a beloved—Princess Xi He of Feng Nation, a woman of extraordinary beauty and legend. For her, he defied the wishes of the esteemed Old Master Bai and even dared to challenge the King of Chu. Just when her heart sank, Old Master Bai came to propose, explicitly stating that he had set his sights on her.

She married him as she had wished, and when he lifted her bridal veil, she gazed up at his handsome features, feeling no regret. Yet his words froze her heart: "I can offer you the honor of being the matriarch of the Bai family. I will do my utmost to fulfill your desires and will marry only you, but I already have someone I love. In this life, my heart will belong to her alone."

On the night of their wedding, she was left to guard the empty chamber, her heart heavy with sorrow, yet she could not bring herself to let go. Time and again, she sought him out, only to be met with the cold, unyielding gaze of his eyes.

She understood that he did not harbor feelings for her. If her previous assumptions were mere hearsay, this period had provided her with undeniable evidence. Her resentment was not merely due to the fact that the man she loved did not reciprocate her feelings, but also because that legendary woman did not seem so extraordinary after all. Though she could not fully grasp it, she truly could not see what made that woman so captivating, drawing so many hearts to her. Often, she mused that if Bai Zhanfeng looked at her, Chen Ruoxi, with even half the affection he reserved for Feng Xianyue, she would leave this world with a smile, even if it meant her imminent demise.

If his love was so profound, why agree to marry her? And if he did marry her, why linger on thoughts of someone who was not meant for him? Even in drunken stupor, he would call out that other woman's name. The more she pondered, the deeper her discontent grew. She never realized she could feel such intense jealousy, as if it were driving her to madness.

Xianyue fixed her gaze on Chen Ruoxi; the term "公子" (young master) felt distant for a couple already bound by marriage. Their relationship was worse than she had imagined.

Xianyue smiled, beginning to understand why Old Master Bai had chosen Chen Ruoxi. She could see the depth of feeling in her eyes, a passion that rivaled even that of Nian Xiaoyu. Such feelings could lead them to risk everything, even to the point of sacrificing themselves, never to harm Bai Zhanfeng. Yet, unlike Nian Xiaoyu's fervor—bold and unrestrained—Chen Ruoxi's background and upbringing destined her emotions to be much more restrained. There are myriad ways to love someone, but not everyone can release their grip for the sake of love, especially when Chen Ruoxi had nowhere to retreat. Xianyue had never considered herself particularly empathetic; however, this situation made her acutely aware of the pain of unrequited love, where happiness lay just within reach but felt like an insurmountable distance.

"Did you come to see me for this reason?" 

Xianyue did not respond directly. She hoped Bai Zhanfeng would be well. She and Chen Ruoxi had never shared a deep bond, and their political marriage could not simply be dissolved at will; she had no desire to create unnecessary trouble.

Understanding was one thing, but her feelings toward someone who held contempt for her were far from pleasant. The words she had once wished to say faded away. She knew that even if she did speak to her now, Chen Ruoxi would hardly listen, perhaps even interpreting it as false sympathy. Such matters held little interest for her. Marital relationships required mutual adjustment; as an outsider, her words would bear little weight. At least for now, whatever she said would fall on deaf ears, and Bai Zhanfeng, who was originally so forthright, now had to swallow so much. How much could she say regarding matters of the heart? Should she advise him to treat Chen Ruoxi better? For them to live happily together? Such words would only add to Bai Zhanfeng's burden.

"Is it true that you often return late from the barracks due to numerous responsibilities?" 

Chen Ruoxi's inquiry was veiled, yet Xianyue discerned her underlying intent; it was clearly an eviction notice.