Raj’s Night

Raj was standing in front of Leonard's apartment door, his body still aching. He knocked, and Leonard opened it right away.

"Raj, you look like shit," Leonard said, making room for him to enter.

Raj walked in slowly, feeling the pain in his muscles, and flopped down on the couch.

"I feel worse than I look," Raj replied.

"So… what do you remember from last night?" Leonard asked, sitting in his chair.

Raj frowned, as if trying to pull up memories.

"I remember being at the party… There weren't any sweets… Then… was there a fight? Did I… did I fight with someone?" Raj looked at Leonard, confused.

Leonard nodded. "Yeah, you tried to break up a fight. Kurt was about to get me… and then you showed up and…"

At that moment, Howard walked into the apartment with a mischievous smile on his face.

"Good morning, fighter! Feeling better after your big battle?" Howard said, dropping his backpack on the floor.

"I fought Kurt, right?" Raj repeated.

"Yeah! You and Kurt. It was a fierce fight, but you were amazing. Took a few punches but also landed some good hits. In the end, you took Kurt down. The crowd went wild."

At that moment, the door opened, and Penny walked in. "Raj, you're hurt!" Penny exclaimed, going to him and placing her hand on his face.

Raj gave a weak smile. "It's nothing… I think I just got a bit banged up last night. But I don't remember much."

Penny sighed, looking guilty. "I feel bad… all this stuff with Kurt."

Leonard saw an opportunity. He quickly got up, "Yeah, Penny, I got a bit banged up too. Kurt grabbed me by the collar… and scratched me here," Leonard said, pulling his shirt collar to show a tiny scratch on his neck.

Howard looked at Leonard and couldn't resist. "Sure, Leonard, they're really deadly scratches. How did you survive that?"

"Oh, good, everyone's here," Sheldon said, walking into the room, not even noticing the previous interactions. He started handing out papers. "I've prepared a protocol for crisis situations, like what happened last night."

Leonard rolled his eyes as he took the paper. "Protocol? Sheldon, what are you talking about?"

Sheldon looked at Leonard as if it were obvious. "Yesterday's incident was clearly the result of a lack of preparation and organization. So, I created this script to ensure that, next time, everyone knows exactly what to do. Think of it as a play."

Penny looked at the paper and frowned. "Sheldon, is this serious? You want us to… rehearse what to do in a fight?"

Sheldon nodded firmly. "Exactly. Lack of planning leads to chaos. If everyone had followed a clear protocol, Kurt would have been neutralized without physical contact."

Howard glanced at the script and started reading aloud. "'Howard enters, assesses the situation, retreats to a safe position behind Leonard.'"

He looked at Sheldon. "Seriously? My job is to hide behind Leonard?"

Sheldon gave an affirmative gesture. "Yes, you're not qualified to confront an adversary physically. You're much more useful strategically."

Penny laughed while flipping through the script. "Sheldon, this is ridiculous."

"Ridiculous?" Sheldon replied, seeming offended. "You think it's ridiculous to prevent unnecessary injuries? Raj is clearly hurt, overall, the situation was a disaster. If everyone had followed a protocol, none of this would have happened."

Raj, looking at the paper somewhat confused, said, "I… I'm the 'designated mediator'? What does that mean?"

Sheldon crossed his arms. "It means your role is to use your diplomacy to avoid conflict. What you did yesterday was with no planning at all. If you had been prepared, you could have defused the situation verbally, without having to punch anyone."

Sheldon ignored the comment and continued. "Now, let's start the rehearsal. Leonard, you play the victim. This shouldn't be hard for you."

Leonard sighed and lifted the paper, reading in a monotone voice. "'Ouch, ouch, please don't hurt me…'"

Howard leaned in toward Leonard, laughing. "That actually sounds pretty realistic."

Sheldon raised his hand. "Silence on stage! Let's take this seriously. Raj, you enter the scene… now."

Raj, still trying to understand what was happening, looked around the room. "Sheldon, I really don't think—"

"No discussions."

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"Hello?" Jake's deep voice came from the other end of the line.

"Hi, Jake, it's Raj."

"Raj! What's up, man? How are you?"

"Oh, I'm okay, you know, had a rough night… But anyway, I was thinking… I think I'm ready to go for a ride on the bike. What do you think?"

Jake laughed on the other end. "I thought you'd never call about that, man. Sure, when do you want to go out?"

Raj smiled, relieved. "How about tomorrow night?"

"Perfect. Tomorrow then. I'll show you some tricks, and maybe you can ride with me to the end of the road."

Raj laughed, already picturing the scene. "Sounds good, Jake. It'll be fun. See you tomorrow then."

The next day, Raj arrived at the gas station and soon spotted Jake with a group of bikers. Jake was next to two guys Raj recognized from the barber shop — Mike and Tommy.

Jake was the first to see him and, with a wide grin, walked over, giving Raj two hard pats on the back that almost knocked him over. "Look who's here! Hey, man, brought the whole crew, hope you don't mind."

Raj masked the pain and smiled. "No problem at all." He tried to stay calm, but Jake's pats were more like slaps.

Mike and Tommy approached next, each with a cigarette in hand, both wearing worn leather jackets with an eagle emblem. Mike looked Raj up and down before bursting into laughter.

"Man, you're all fucked up! What the hell happened to you?" Mike said, giving Raj's shoulder a jolt that almost made him lose his balance.

Raj gave an awkward smile. "Got into a fight last night… with a big guy."

Tommy raised his eyebrows, impressed, as he blew out smoke. "A fight? Shit, with that skinny body of yours, you came out alive?"

"Last time I fought, I broke the guy's nose and got four stitches in my face."

Mike shook his head and laughed dryly. "Fight? Man, I've taken so many hits I can't even count anymore. There was this one time a guy hit me with a chair on my back. Know what I did? I laughed, got up, and broke the chair over his head."

Tommy nodded. "That was crazy. I was there, Mike stood up like nothing happened. Man, getting into fights is a mess, but you gotta know how to throw punches and take them too."

"It's because you didn't see the guy I fought. He came out way worse." Raj puffed out his chest.

Mike and Tommy burst out laughing. Mike, still laughing, gave another hard slap on Raj's shoulder, making him almost lose his balance again. "I love this guy!"

Raj smiled, a bit shy, while thinking: Actually, I don't really remember what happened… but that's okay.

At that moment, Jake, a big guy with arms full of tattoos, clapped loudly, the sound echoing in the parking lot. All the bikers stopped what they were doing and turned to him. The group had about fifteen guys in total, all with worn leather jackets with an eagle on the chest and back. Jake looked around and spoke loudly.

"Hey, everyone, listen up. Today, Raj is joining our fucking family."

Raj looked around, not quite sure how to react, he just wanted to take a ride to relax, but ended up in this situation… but he still kept his cool. Jake continued, pointing at Raj with a smirk.

"But, as you know, we don't just let anyone in. To join the Eagle of the Faithful, you have to prove yourself. It's not just about showing up, saying 'Hi,' and hitting the road with us. No, no. You have to show you're worthy to ride with this crew. And I'll decide that by the end of the day."

The other bikers started cheering, some laughing, others revving their bikes. Jake turned to Raj with an intense look.

"Ready for this, Raj? Because today you're gonna have to show you've got balls."

Raj swallowed hard but gave a small nod. He had no idea how to prove himself, but knew it was no use asking.

Jake raised his hands, calling for silence again. "But first, we have a pledge that every motherfucker who joins here has to take. And you, Raj, will make yours now."

The other guys started making noise, revving their bikes. Jake waited until the noise died down and then placed his hand on Raj's shoulder.

"Raise your right hand, partner. And repeat after me."

Raj, somewhat awkwardly, raised his hand.

Jake began, with a firm, grave voice. "I, Rajesh Koothrappali, swear by the road, the asphalt, and the blood, that I will be loyal to the Eagle of the Faithful."

Raj repeated, feeling the weight of the words. "I, Rajesh Koothrappali, swear by the road, the asphalt, and the blood, that I will be loyal to the Eagle of the Faithful."

The group around them started mumbling in approval. Jake kept the rhythm.

"I promise to honor my brothers, and that I'll be there when the shit hits the fan."

Raj, feeling the intensity, repeated with more force. "I promise to honor my brothers, and that I'll be there when the shit hits the fan."

"And, fuck, above all, I promise that the road is my home, and I will never turn my back on it."

Raj repeated, getting into the spirit of it. "The road is my home, and I will never turn my back on it."

As soon as the words left Raj's mouth, Jake clapped again, and the guys started revving their bikes, the deafening noise filling the place.

Jake gave one last hard slap on Raj's back, harder than before. "Let's go, brother. The day's just beginning. By the end, we'll see if you really deserve to be here."

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Raj's inner thoughts: 'I just wanted to take a break from work. Relax a bit, ride a bike, but somehow… I ended up joining a fucking motorcycle gang. How did this happen?'

Raj thought as he adjusted his helmet.

'Okay, maybe it's not that bad. Maybe this "test" is something simple, like… I don't know, racing or drinking until you pass out. Nothing too crazy… right?'

He looked around, the other guys already ready to hit the road. It'll be fine… right?

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A/N: At first, I created the OCs Jake, Tommy, and Mike just for a scene, but I was thinking, why not do more? Wouldn't it be interesting if Raj suddenly had friends totally out of the ordinary? What would Sheldon say if he found out? And what kind of trouble would they get into together?

A/N: I'm happy to announce that officially the FML will be Missy Cooper, I can already imagine the future ksksksks