My Song

Mei finally let me take control again. 

I didn't care how strange this would appear to the CEO, or should I just call him Christopher? 

Either way, I knew that I looked so weird now. One minute teasing him and playing around, and now huddled on myself in the corner. 

But why was I supposed to care? 

I felt like dying. My whole world was falling apart, and Mei was simply playing around with the CEO of our company. 

Funnily enough, he was actually Marcos' half brother. What a crazy coincidence, was that why Marcos was able to grow so fast? 

Now that I think about it, did he even tell me anything? 

…I suddenly realized that I didn't know as much as I thought. 

I just… wanted to sing now. I wanted to let it out, I wanted to scream. 

Fuck, when was that guy about to arrive and take me from here? I don't want to stay. Get me away from this all, from the company, from this CEO, from anything related to Marcos. 

I simply want my mic… Did I bring it here? 

I rummaged through my small bag and was able to find it. A small, cute pink microphone was in my hand now. 

I hugged it deeply, gulping more air into my empty stomach yet refusing to let anything out yet. 

Remember, Alice. Remember who you are, you are an Idol. 

You are not supposed to cry in front of anyone. 

Hold it back, keep it in, and paint that smile. 

I rebuked myself like that for countless times, but it never ceased to work. I told myself what I needed to know and understand, and so I did it. 

I was so detached from the world around me, only waking up when I felt a strong hand on my shoulder. I flinched and looked toward Christopher. 

"Y-yeah?"

Damn, I even stuttered. I don't think any reasoning would ever explain my varying behavior. But does it matter anymore?

I am just so tired… 

Christopher, however, did not seem to care as much as I thought. His rough hand patted my head as he told me, "It's good to have no pretense, now, get out of the car. Someone will take you to your new apartment."

"Okay… Thank you," I mumbled, gripping the microphone in my head tighter. 

Can't lose it. I told myself, then changed to another car and closed my eyes. The Driver soon started the engine and we moved. 

Don't be freaking defenseless. Watch out for any danger, you are alone with this driver. He's not Annie, he can bite. 

Mei, I… I technically let someone who's not worthy eat, would I care anymore? I feel like everything is so worthless now. 

Don't be stupid, if you feel everything is so worthless, will you still hold onto that stupid microphone of yours? 

Maybe you are right but… 

I'm genuinely too exhausted for anything, Mei. Let me rest. 

All sorts of bad things can still happen, why are you acting like this now? Haa…

The car's engine was so loud that it drowned Mei's soft whisper. Or maybe she had just given up on telling me anything for today. 

I'm sorry, but I can't take it. I'm pretending I can, I'm not you, Mei. I don't know how you are acting like this. 

Simply because I had never loved that sorry excuse of a man. I've warned you to not sum us together countless times. 

Yeah, sorry. 

I wanted to actually say more but I was so choked up. Something was choking me, making me unable to breathe comfortably or even speak. 

Especially the latter. 

So I laid back on the seat, I did not know if I should instruct the Driver with anything, though. Most likely, Christopher had done it. Ah, that reminded me of something. 

My live performance on Tissok probably is canceled, shit, they must be so disappointed… 

I needed to fix that. 

Once the long trip ended, I found myself in front of a luxurious Chalet. It was made from the most expensive materials I've seen in my entire life. But I thought that was only normal for a person like Christopher.

AVO's CEO was just a title he took due to boredom if I remember correctly. He was actually the owner with the most shares laying in his lap. 

I think this would cut off my money though, aish. Unfortunately I need it, maybe I'd ask for a little bit less pricey house. 

I entered the house after thanking the Driver and looked around. Only then I understood why it took so long for this. The house was cool with all of the ACs turned on, in addition to the various outfits and instruments around, there was even a small stage. 

This place was truly an Idol's haven. Do I really want to change it? I don't think so. 

I looked through the outfits and chose something light, just a simple navy dress, I wore it and ran to the stage. 

What the hell are you planning to do? 

An Idol was not supposed to disappoint her fans. 

I sat everything up, opened Tissok on my phone and adjusted the lighting. In my arms, a guitar was there, my favorite microphone held next to me. 

I made sure to not show my face this time, though. And pressed the record button. 

I could see the comments rushing in. They were waiting for me, how could I not do it? 

Tsk. That's why I'll never try to take this job. You're making it a damned obligation! 

No, Mei. You are simply not understanding. 

"Hello everyone, today I'm not going to sing a song any of you had known before. It's just a short song I made by myself, I hope all of you will like it~"

I made a heart gesture by my hand and then slowly caressed the strings, even though Mei did not talk. I knew what she wanted to say. 

And my response was conveyed in my song. My fingers played with the strings as my words slowly came out, 

"Trying to be the person you want to see

But it's hard

Trying all my best to redeem

For my lies

I just wanted to look perfect

in the end

It's all lies

I'll Ignore myself

push my feeling down

but for you I'll smile just like

the idol I'm to you

I lost my way tonight

I don't know where I belong to

my path is always vague

But none could ever stop me

Just chose to be the girl you just 

what to see

I chose that

I'll Ignore myself

push my feeling down

but for you I'll smile just like

the idol I'm to you

The girl you want to see 

will never stay a dream

will never stay a dream

I don't want you thinking

about I have been

just go with what you see"

Cause that was my decision.