Unshed Tears

Cold.

Thats what permeated my being.

Things were simple yet complicated in my life. I'd wake up, work, eat and sleep. This is the same thing that I did for years after highschool. I stayed simple. No college, no going out. Only revolving around on my schedule.

But I can't say I was totally simple. I had a reason to my madness. A damn good one.

I just cannot, for the life of me. Do any social interactions. I've tried multiple times with family, associates, strangers, young, old. It just didn't matter.

I'd always get this feeling of emptiness and exhaustion when I'd try. I can begin the morning with a "hi" to my parents. But that's it, no sentence, no physical gesture. I'd just lose, intrest I think is the word.

So if not obvious, I had no friends or deeper emotional bonds with anyone other than my parents. Oh God my parents. They tried. But I'm pretty sure that I didn't even say my first word until I was like 7 when I said "hot" after touching the car door on a particularly heated day.

Of course with my peculiarities I couldn't do any jobs that required interactions. So I got into drawing. With no friends and people coming to realize I was weird throughout my school years. I spent most of my time completing my assignment and getting into drawing.

So that's what I did, I drew as my profession. I drew everything from portraits of people to landscapes. But after sometime I came to a conclusion that it was to outgoing. With me doing this people started talking to me more and asking questions. Obviously I don't do questions. So I changed my inspiration. From people I began to draw fanart and requests online. Then one day after a particular request from an anime, I got curious. Couple of years later and in a cheap apartment I could be found indulging in the world of anime.

I've reached the age of 42 and everything was good. I make money from commissions and requests from companies. With the modern Era in full shift I can order supplies online and leave my garbage outside my door for disposal. It's absolutely perfect.

So how did I get here. To this freezing, numbing, rolling cold that without effort permeated my entire being.

I can't remember how it happened... I've tried but all I can input is this cold. From the dregs of thought and memory, the last thing before this was me going to bed like normal. So why am I here, where is here? And why..

Why.

WHY IS IT SO COLD...

(time skip)

Slowly, I can take stock of myself. Slowly as I float? Lay? Roll? Their is no sense of direction. No up and down. No gravity or movement. Nothing except this ever present cold that enveloped my being down to my very core.

I dont know how long I've been here but all I can do is adapt, and that's what I did. As 'time' progressed I slowly got used to the rigidity that had sunk itself deep into my existance. The first thing I did was gather my mental being, to make sure that I haven't gone absolutely mental with this problem that had taken me...

(time skip)

Good news, I can still recall everything about myself. I had run some mental health tests and I might not be a certified psychologist, but I might be alright! With that checked off my list let's go to step 2. Can I feel my hands???

Well that took a long time 'I think'. After a great arduous uptaking I have successfully found my extremities. All 10 toes and 10 fingers. Now I just gotta see if I can move them...

(time skip)

Well this test has gone ~just splendid. If you haven't gathered that was sarcasm. They won't move, not even a twitch. Well I can't really tell if they twitch or not, you know with the cold and environment making it difficult to feel any sensation on my body pieces. But I won't give up, I don't know how I still even exist and I've garnered thoughts that I've died and ended up in hell or limbo...

(time skip)

So I've just been sitting here. Doing nothing other than mental tasks to keep my mind out of the gutter. I might not need any social interactions like a normal human person, but I do still feel bored. My mind just wants to be doing something, anything! But there's nothing to do other than sift through my mind, try to move my body or fall into the cold that coiled around my soul.

I dont know how long I've been here and I don't even know if time is still a concept when stagnation is the only influence upon my reality. But I'm going to still hold out, just as to try to make it through this.