Chapter 132

AUSTIN'S POV

In every fundamental way, I was and always had been weak when it came to Austin. I was actually starting to believe that he could do whatever he wanted, make me as angry and as frustrated as he wished, but I'd still decide to take him back in the end because the idea of existing without him by my side sounded awful. Which I assumed was what love meant. Half the time it was frustrating and he made me wanna kill myself, but I loved him in ways others would never be able to comprehend. 

I liked the free way in which he touched me. With knowledge no one else possessed because he was the only one that I had ever been with. And I couldn't even dare to picture myself with anyone else. 

While in the storage room we had literally heard customers walk in, and he had clasped his hand over my mouth to prevent me from making a sound when in reality, he had been breathing more audibly than me. But to had had a chance to realize that I couldn't give that up. There was no way I'd be able to let go, when he had made me go through so damn much in terms of my sanity. If he ever screwed up again I'd rather knock some sense into him... literally. And I knew it was just a matter of time. He was trying his best but there was no way he'd be able to go two weeks without doing something stupid or crazy again. Sometimes I suspected it was just part of his DNA to be like that, because why would he be? If you thought about it, there was no reason for him to ever be as angry as he always was. He had everything provided for him, he had friends who seemed fairly reliable, and most importantly, he had a family that truly loved him. 

So why was he like that? 

I asked him when we went back to my house that evening. I had been seated on the couch trying to create some flashcards for the midterm that would be in a couple of weeks, and he had decided that was the perfect opportunity to try and distract me. 

Taking my materials and literally throwing them behind the couch where they proceeded to land on the floor. 

" You did not just do that!" I complained, my mouth wide open in shock as I stared from him to the direction in which he had just discarded my things. And instead of taking anything seriously, he had just gotten onto the couch and lied face down, his head on my laps and his arms crossed to support it. 

" I was feeling ignored, " he said. As if that was a reasonable explanation for what he has just done, then he let out a long breath and closed his eyes. I frowned, looking down at him and wondering what to do. And at first I was tempted to match his playfully annoying mood and push him off me and to the floor, but I couldn't help but let my curiosity win. 

I just wanted to know how his mind really worked for once. Maybe if he explained it himself I'd get a much better and clearer insight that would assist me to understand why he did the things he did. 

My actual question was why he always made it a point to wear his dad out when it was obvious he loved him. I had expected him to either shrug the question off or give me one of those unhelpful replies of his, but instead he said something I suspected was the truth. I had heard it before from him, but I had always just thought he was being illogical.

" I don't know. I can't help it...If I could I would. You kno that. "

Maybe it was about the thoughtful way he said it, and there was also this hint of exhaustion. Like he had either thought or talked about the subject too often that it had become something he loathed. But if it was true, didn't he need to get specialized help for that? I wasn't saying he was crazy or that he needed a shrink, but perhaps just talking to an experienced individual would help him get a firmer grip on things. I would have brought it up but we had just made up, and something of that sort would have definitely upset him. 

So instead I chose to focus on her another very compelling subject. One he wasn't going to get away from until he gave me a detailed explanation. But first I asked him to turn around. 

" Aren't you uncomfortable?"

" Not really?" he replied, but he still did as asked either way. And the second he was settled he reached up and firmly held my ear, using the grip to pull me down.

" Uurgh! That hurts -" I tried to complain but he cut me off with a kiss. And I gave in because I had been craving it the same way he had. Back when we were kids there had been several instances when I had let myself risk thinking about how it would feel to kiss him. It was mostly during those last drowsy minutes at night before I fell asleep.And I hadn't been referring to the usual cheek kisses I gave him every so often. Or to the ones he playfully planted on my neck and nose when his mum wasn't looking, I meant an actual kiss. 

I had always been too afraid to think of such things, but in moments such as those, when I felt lazy and overcome with sleep, I always let myself imagine. And I recalled having admitted to myself that once would be enough to get me to stop having those weird thoughts. Just one kiss that I didn't have to steal while he was still sleeping. 

Now we had kissed countless times, and I knew without any shred of doubt that once would have never been enough. Had we dared to let our innermost desires win while we were both conscious, then we would have unlocked something at an age that was too young. Austin would have definitely never let it go, and he would have dedicated his life to ensuring I never forgot that singular experience. My phone had been right next to me on the couch and he took it and turned it on, then he handed it to me, silently asking me to unlock it for him. 

I was right there so it wasn't like he could do anything shady. Once I did as asked, I waited for a bit. He was just scrolling through my pictures, but there weren't that many of them, and the ones that were there were mostly of Kira. She always made it her objective to take pictures with my phone whenever we hang out. There were actually pictures of her there from over two years back that she had refused to let me delete. Even though she had the same ones on her own phone. 

" Are you sure that redhead has never liked you? Are you completely sure?" 

That was such an Austin thing to ask but I ignored him. That was the only way to deal with him and his absurdities at times. And if I allowed him to tell me whatever he wished,my tears would hurt. 

" Anyways...Chris. Wanna tell me about that?" His entire face fell immediately. He stopped focusing on the phone and slowly placed it down, and on his face was this look that was half cautious and half afraid. That only made me all the more curious That reaction further made me believe that there was something he was hesitant to share with me. Austin was too confident for his own good, and so there was no way be he'd have been uncomfortable unless there was something he really didn't want me to know. And unfortunately for him, I had gained a few tips on how to bother someone until they gave in and told you whatever you wished to know. 

Earlier, Austin had mentioned the reason why Chris had popped up out of the blue. It was something I never would have expected to hear. And it also made me afraid on Austin's behalf because that sort of person was unpredictable. What Chris had done was wrong, and if I were to give my honest opinion, he ought to have stayed back home and handled everything the way it was supposed to. 

" What do you mean handle things? He would have never had the chance to explain anything. He'd have definitely gotten locked up. "

" Okay, but what really happened between him and the guy he beat up? Why was he so mad?"

" Don't do this to me. It wouldn't be right to tell you without asking him first. "

" Since when are you so principled?" 

He was gonna tell me whether he wanted to or not.