Chapter 130

He didn't comment when I expected him to do so, instead he just kept walking. I hated not knowing what was going on in his head. But then about five minutes later, he stopped and turned to face me. That same stern expression on his face. 

" I'm willing to give you another chance, but there are conditions. "

I gave him a weary look. Praying he wouldn't take advantage of the situation to ask me to do something I wouldn't he able to. He knew I was desperate, I wasn't trying to hide it, so he could have decided to use the opportunity to his advantage and ask me to do things I normally wouldn't. 

" You can't miss school ever again!"

I had seen that one coming, had known it would be the first thing he said. And it wasn't too bad, I mean, it was tough but I had come to terms with the idea of going to school everyday henceforth. And him telling me not to miss school was better than him demanding I focus on my studies. If he would have asked that then it would have been a different subject entirely. 

" Okay, I promise you I won't, "

" No drugs! If you dare even think about using them I'll beat some sense into you then end everything officially. And that's not a joke. "

Clearly he had the upper hand. I could just nod and assure him I understood what he was saying. And that proved how seriously I was taking everything. The old me would have started arguing and insisting I wasn't even planning on ever doing drugs again. 

" Is that all?" 

" No more extreme jealousy! It makes you unreasonable and hard to deal with. If you can't trust me enough to be faithful then there's really no point in any of this. "

That one hit hard. He was actually serious. There was no hint of playing around on his face, and his tone also suggested that if I went against anything he said that would be the end. And I literally had to bite my tongue when my brain suggested I complain. I wasn't going to say anything bad, just remind him that I had no control over hoe I felt. I was just going to let him say whatever he needed to and I'd try my best to follow through with his wishes. But yeah...in actual essence, he didn't understand how my damn feelings and emotions worked. It's not like I chose to be overly angry at times,it just happened and I had no way of stopping it. I didn't like it either and if I could change I would, but when I got mad I lost control over my emotions. 

" And your dad.....you have to quit being such a brat to him, "

I immediately looked up, my lips parted with the intentions of saying something, but I once again stopped myself. I also wondered how many more commands he had left. They just kept on coming.

" And lastly, you can't lie to me. Yesterday you lied about Chris and I let it slide, but you have to tell me the truth when I ask for it. "

" Okay, no lying...got it, "

I had suspected he had caught in yo my lie regarding Chris. His look had told me so, but since he had failed to bring it up I had decided to let it be. And I also knew that this was him indirectly telling me that he wanted to hear that explanation again, the honest version. Taking in a deep breath, I continued walking, he stayed behind for a second, and when he moved again, it was to reach out and stop me.

" What is it?" He asked, looking like he was a bit confused about something. 

" What? The thing with Chris? That's a long story, I can-"

" No, not that. You look like you wanna say something, what is it?" 

I shook my head and asked him to let it be. There was no reason to tarnish everything seconds after we had fixed them. Although that was the issue, he had given me another shot, and I had accepted to change, but it still felt like we weren't in the same page. It wasn't something I could fake, but I was scared of saying anything because I knew myself. I'd probably end up saying the wrong thing and then in the blink of a fucking eye, everything would be ruined. 

" Tell me, "

" It's nothing, let's just go or you'll be late. "

" Austin, " he called out. Softly in the manner I had missed. He also refused to move, and when I was insistent on keeping shut, he cradled my face in his hands and encouraged me to say whatever I wanted to. I held him back, loosely wrapping my arms around his neck and looking at the turquoise depths of his lovely eyes. I was tempted to steal a kiss, but first I told him what was actually on my mind. He had been the one to insist so I was gonna tell him what he wanted to hear. 

" You said we were gonna talk things out. I doubt that can be described as talking. You just pointed out my flaws and commanded I immediately change them. "

" I didn't command -" he kept quiet because his tone was full of accusation and self, and I could tell he was sorry. A car was approaching from the distance so he led me to the side of the street before he locked his fingers with mine and brought all of them to his lips. 

" Okay, you're right, that was my bad."

" I'm not trying to disregard what you said, "

" I know you're not. You should also have a fair chance to speak. And I was partly to blame for everything. " 

Once the street was clear once more, we continued walking. I just wanted us to hi back to how we had been. All that drama was upsetting me, and it sucked that we couldn't just decided to ignore it all and move on. Kyle wouldn't be able to do that. He liked solving things systematically as they happened before he moved on, because he wouldn't have any leave afterwards. 

" Chris may or may not have killed someone back in Phoenix. " I blurted out and Kyle stopped once more. Horror completely masking his entire features. 

" I'm sorry, what?!" 

He was still trying to figure out whether or not I was joking, but I assured him it was the truth. he couldn't even ask for details because of the shock,.but I offered them to him. I told him everything as it was, and I watched as he listened on and asked himself whether any of what I was saying was actually the reality. I figured it was best to just get it out of the way, if not, I would have given it a chance to come up later on and ruin everything. I however kept from mentioning the previous status of my relationship with Chris, but only temporarily. I knew it was something I had to tell him, but it was better to let him process one bit of information at a time. 

" Well? Say something. "

" What am I supposed to say? How should I even react to that Austin?"

" You've gotta keep in mind the fact that I didn't call him over, he just appeared out of the blue and asked for my help. "

" I haven't blamed you for anything,"

" But you could have. I'm not involved in Chris's issues, I'm just helping him out because he has no one else to turn to while here. "

" So he came here knowing you'd help?" 

" He did. "

Kyle slowly nodded, a certain familiar look quickly cut through his features before he chased it off. But I was able to notice it.He was jealous...I was secretly glad that he was. There was no reason to point it out, I was just glad that he cared that much,it was proof that he still cared for me like he used to. And I didn't want him to think of Chris as a threat in terms of our relationship because he would never be one. 

" I'm sorry for how I acted. The shit with the drugs was dumb, and I know I should be more considerate when it comes to my dad. "

" You don't have to keep apologizing. "

He ran a hand over his face, then he wrapped it around my nape and urged me to look at him. And when I did, he told me that he loved me. I liked how random it was, and only when he told me that did I realize how much I had been craving to hear those words from him. Just three words but they managed to relax me entirely. I knew that he loved me, I had always known that, despite what we went through, those feelings remained the same, but it was different when he confessed them with his own lips. 

He was my person. The only one I could tell everything to. So when he refused to listen to me I always felt like I had lost an essential part of me. I swallowed past the heavy lump in my throat. Those had been some crazy few days, and I dreaded to imagine what it would be like if he ever stepped away for good. 

" What's wrong? Won't you say it back?" 

" Would you really be capable of leaving me for good?" 

If the answer was yes I was going to be positively heartbroken. It was no secret that in more ways than one, my life revolved around Kyle, and if he would be able to cast me off to the side and continue with his life then my feelings would be deeply hurt. He replied, but before doing so he rolled his eyes as if that was a really illogical question to ask.

" You know I can't. You can be impossible to deal with but I'd still choose to hang around. That's just how messed up this is, I'd rather suffer while with you than risk being without you. "

" I love you too. "