A Secret Decision, and Sentimentality

"So are you okay with this, Yuuta?"

Yuuta, Itsuki, and Amane were on their way home after hanging out

together during Golden Week.

They were going different directions, so Amane's friends had walked

him as far as the station to see him off. Then Itsuki, who had been quiet

until then, asked Yuuta that question in a hushed voice.

"Okay with what?"

Yuuta knew what the inquiry meant without asking, but he purposely

pretended not to understand as his mouth curled upward into a smile.

Itsuki glanced at Yuuta with a little bit of pity, then let out one small sigh

and replied: "The thing about Miss Shiina, of course."

He sounded as if it was an obvious question and yet seemed somewhat

hesitant to string the words together. Yuuta also reacted as if the answer was

obvious.

Yuuta had never told Itsuki anything about it directly; in fact, he hadn't

even said anything to his two best friends, Kazuya and Makoto. He

expected Makoto had more or less figured it out, but that was all.

Apparently, Itsuki had seen through to the secret feelings he had been

trying to hide.

Yuuta was aware that he was the type of person who attracted a lot of

attention, so he had been especially careful to keep things under wraps, but

Itsuki seemed to know exactly what Yuuta had been hiding and was looking

at him with concern.

At times like this, it's a nuisance that he's so clever, Yuuta thought with a

bitter smile as he met Itsuki's probing gaze directly.

"I'm not sure how I'm supposed to answer that. I never meant to say

anything to begin with, and Fujimiya also doesn't seem inclined to tell Miss

Shiina anything."

"…You weren't holding back or anything?"

"No, no. I was planning to keep my feelings to myself from the start.

Fujimiya's got nothing to do with it, and now that we're friends, I'm even

less inclined to say anything. Believe me, I'm not holding back on his

account." Yuuta preemptively reassured his concerned friend.

He was trying not to give Itsuki any more funny ideas. Yuuta laughed

cheerfully…while hoping that it wouldn't sound hollow to Itsuki.

"…Anyway, I knew there was no hope right from the beginning. I would

never dream of getting in between the two of them, or trying to get in the

way. And a date…she doesn't want to date me, but if we did happen to go

out, I imagine I'd see there was no chance of success the moment I looked

at Miss Shiina's face. I wouldn't dare meddle because nothing good would

come of it."

She didn't act like it at all in school, but when he had met Mahiru

before, the way she had looked at Amane had unmistakably been the look

of a girl in love.

She had smiled at Amane—not with her usual fleeting, gorgeous,

angelic smile but with a sweet smile that held shades of emotion and

passion.

Right before his eyes, the expression on her face and the look in her eyes

had made it clear that she was head over heels for Amane and that there was

nothing anyone could do about that.

Seeing that was enough to convince Yuuta that there was simply no

hope.

He found it puzzling how Amane didn't seem to notice the way she

looked at him, but even though Yuuta hadn't known him for that long, he

could tell that Amane was extremely cautious—cowardly, to put it unkindly

—and he figured that Amane would find it difficult to believe that she liked

him.

Well, I can see how it would be difficult to believe, since he's not used to

being the object of affection for a perfect beauty like Miss Shiina.

Nevertheless, the fact that Amane still didn't have any confidence,

despite the way that Mahiru looked at him with such love, pointed to

seriously low self-esteem.

"Do you resent Amane?" Itsuki asked.

"Are you worried I would?"

"I don't think so, based on your personality, but just in case…or more

like, just to be sure? I wanna check that you're really okay with it. I'm

Amane's friend, but I'm your friend, too, Yuuta. I guess I don't want either

of you to end up unhappy."

When it came to the relationship between Amane and Mahiru, Itsuki

was decisively in favor of their romance. Yuuta knew that, so he was

surprised to hear Itsuki's words, and he blinked dramatically several times

in spite of himself.

Apparently, Itsuki was concerned about him, too. As he felt the depths

of his chest gradually growing warmer, Yuuta shrugged.

"You don't have to worry; I don't want to cause trouble, and I'm not

going to intrude. I know you're not too dull to understand that."

Even if he hadn't been friends with Amane, he wasn't the sort of

reckless person who, having seen how the two of them acted, would still try

to butt in.

It was precisely because Itsuki was in the difficult position of being

close friends with both Yuuta and Amane that he was reading too much into

things, Yuuta thought. He felt a little bad for him.

Yuuta smiled once more as Itsuki gave him an anxious-looking gaze.

"I'm not as hurt as you think, Itsuki. How can I put this? My feelings

toward Miss Shiina were…more like admiration, I guess. Nothing serious."

It was true that he liked Mahiru, but if anyone asked him if his passion

was strong enough to make him burn with love, he would have said no.

A love that he could keep from showing on his face, that he could bury

away in the depths of his heart, that he could keep away from the surface,

was a shallow, benign thing.

"It's not exactly that I'm withdrawing out of concern for Fujimiya, it's

more…I probably…if you asked me whether I was serious about her, the

answer is probably no. It's not really love that I feel for her, more like

empathy and adoration."

"Empathy?"

It must have been an unexpected word, because Itsuki blinked in

surprise. Yuuta shot him a wry smile.

"Well, I always thought of Miss Shiina as being cut from the same cloth

as I am. The type of person who's fed up with the opposite sex. Happy to be

admired but, on the other hand, suffering under the weight of inertia. It's too

late to change the face she wears in front of other people, so she suffocates

under the smiling mask, that type… Miss Shiina is the same as me, but she

handles it better than I do. I admired the way she could conceal everything

and smile as if she wasn't in any pain."

Yuuta knew that, objectively speaking, he was considered better looking

than most people and that he had many talents worth boasting about. He

also understood that this made him very attractive to many of the opposite

sex.

But all that attention was focused on his appearance and abilities, and he

was fully aware that he was looked upon as a kind of idol.

For that very reason, he couldn't feel any affection toward the girls who

desired him as an object. Their interest seemed shallow.

So when he first saw Mahiru, who was in the same position he was in,

she'd piqued his interest. And he was impressed by how she acted as if she

didn't struggle with hardship at all.

He had admired her, standing bravely on her own.

But ultimately, seeing her like that was still a way of forcing an image

onto her. Yuuta was projecting the very feelings he couldn't stand onto

Mahiru.

But with Amane, the sublime Mahiru smiled like an ordinary girl. She

wasn't the perfect beauty, the angel who never let anyone near her, but just

an everyday girl in love.

And Amane treated her like a normal person.

Now that Mahiru had found a partner who treasured her for who she

really was, Yuuta couldn't even look straight at her anymore.

"In my personal view, when I saw them together, that was when I

understood that the flower on a high peak blooming in dignified solitude,

that Miss Shiina, was…it sounds bad to say it this way, but she's just an

ordinary girl. I saw that she had found someone who really loved her and

that she only had eyes for him, which made me want to cheer them on more

than cut in. I want her to find happiness."

If Mahiru had finally found someone who really understood her, there

was no way that Yuuta, who was in a sense in the same position as she was

in, could stand against them.

"You waste your good looks by being so nice, you know?"

"What have my looks got to do with this? Or are you just complimenting

me?"

"It's a compliment, really. Just a compliment."

"I wonder…"

Itsuki cracked a teasing smile, and Yuuta smiled weakly back.

"Well, whatever, it's fine… And anyway, let me make it clear that I

don't hold a grudge against Fujimiya or anything. He's a good guy; it's too

bad not everyone knows that."

Amane was the kind of person who didn't really stand out in class, but

Yuuta saw him for the gentle, kind, and sensible person that he was.

Amane was often short with Itsuki, but that was just superficial—one of

their ways of joking around. In reality, he was a compassionate person, a

sensitive guy who paid attention to others and considered their needs.

His obvious weak point was that he didn't have much confidence in

himself, but his great merit was that although he seemed cold, he actually

had a warm demeanor and was incredibly considerate of others.

If the angel, who only ever wore a beautiful smile in school and

absolutely never let anyone see her true feelings, placed that much trust in

him, then the quality of his character was guaranteed.

Amane also loved Mahiru, and he showed her affection without going

overboard. It was abundantly clear that he saw Mahiru for who she really

was. And the look in his eyes when he stared at her showed that he

cherished and loved her.

Surely, Yuuta couldn't possibly come between two people who were so

in love with each other.

"The two of them can't not be together."

Yuuta didn't usually believe in so-called fate, but when he thought about

the two of them and how perfectly they went together, he really believed

that they were somehow supposed to be together.

That was how close they were and how well they complemented each

other.

"This is probably a bad way of putting this, but I think I'll probably be

fine without Miss Shiina. It's not like I absolutely can't live without her.

Knowing that, it would be rude for me to go snatch her away, and she

probably wouldn't even be interested."

"…Really?"

"So instead of loss, or jealousy…I'm feeling more impatient than

anything else. I want her to hurry up and be happy."

He did feel a little lonesome, but his loneliness was overshadowed by

his desire for the two of them to find happiness together.

He wanted them to be united, and he wanted them to support each other.

He saw in them the makings of a happily married couple, and he couldn't

bring himself to be jealous.

When Yuuta asserted that he was genuinely cheering them on, Itsuki

smiled at him with an expression that was both awkward and bittersweet.

"You're a good egg, Yuuta."

"Are you making fun of me?"

"I'm not, I'm not. I was just thinking that I'm blessed with a really good

circle of friends."

Itsuki smiled poignantly as he ran a hand through his hair, and Yuuta

smiled back at him.

The one who was truly blessed by his circle of friends was Yuuta.

Itsuki always paid careful attention like this so that things around him

wouldn't go awry, and he was always worrying about his friends. But he

never demanded any gratitude, and he didn't want to risk hurting anyone, so

he never took sides and tried to support everyone.

It made Yuuta think again that he had found himself some valuable

friends.

While he was counting his blessings, Yuuta smiled calmly and ignored

the warmth that was building behind his eyes and threatening to spill down

his chilly cheeks