Bachelor Party

"I thought your bachelor party would be some wild trip to the strip club, maybe some shootouts…" Small Juan warmed himself by the bonfire, "But a night camping in the desert, why?"

Camping in the desert of 2077 lacks the same appeal it had in the past as it came with the same bitter winter cold but none of the beautiful stars. The night sky - even as far from major sources of light as we had to get to be free of the noises of Night City - is hazy due to atmospheric pollution. But the silence once you can finally find it is a rare experience in this new life of mine.

"Liquor and whores, wild parties and drugs, these are just a regular day for us." I answered as Jackie threw another spiny piece of Joshua tree onto the fire.

Somehow they'd survived to this day despite them apparently being threatened by climate change. Fake news I guess because these spiky bastards are everywhere out in the badlands.

"A quiet night camping is a lot more memorable than a rager at this point, vato." Jackie grinned.

The man was more developed than he'd been in 2077 despite years less training. Nearly a year with my SPECIAL implants will do that to a guy. Juanie and Pedro had leaned more towards cyberware than the natty life, but neither had much natural potential as borgs. They were just fans of flashy chrome.

"We used to be nobodies." I declared to my surrounding friends which produced some frowns and nods of agreement, "We used to steal and chop cars, run packages, hunt down losers. Now we're some of the most important people in America. Not that it means as much as it used to, but it's still a big fucking deal for a handful of streetkids from the barrio."

"Damn straight." Jackie barked into the night.

"I haven't been available as much as I promised everyone while we were on our way up." I admitted, "Pulled myself in too many directions at once, but a jackass once said 'chaos is a ladder'. He forgot that it's covered in grease and hanging over hell, but fuck him. I'm better."

Small Juan was looking at his phone, scrolling through pictures.

"Got something on there that's so important?" I asked while quick hacking to see through his eyes, "Fuck. You're still seeing her?"

"Damn it, cabron!" Juanie shouted at the intrusion, "It's your fault we even started seeing each other in the first place!"

ENGAGE THE FLASHBACK!

"Manny! Get out here you pinche puto!" a woman shrieked over the PA system while the man cowered in the shop with all the doors locked, "You think you can fuck around behind my back and get away with it! I'm a bulldog!"

"Why don't you just… you know… slip out the back while she's in there?" Juanie asked while we waited to go home during this weird lockdown.

"Didn't you hear her? She's a bulldog. I try to run and she'll catch me." Manny explained as he hid behind a stolen truck.

"Then get caught. We want to go home!" shouted one of the mechanics we showed up daily with our superior chopping skills.

"Fuck you, Ricky!" Manny shouted at the disgruntled wrench jockey, "Fuck this shit. Send in the Juans!"

"The fuck you on about?" Juanie yelled but was soon drowned out by the other mechanics taking up the chant.

"Send in the Juans! Send in the Juans! Send in the Juans!"

"The tribe has spoken boys. Get in there and distract her so the rest of us can leave in peace." Manny smirked causing me to shake my head and sigh.

"For the greater good." I declared and opened the door to the office and threw Juanie through before stepping into the warzone.

"I can't believe he just did that!" someone shouted before the door closed, "RUN!"

The usually disorganized and cluttered office space looked like a hurricane came through, and at its center was… what the fuck… Rose Monroe! How Manny? Teach me your ways, you cowardly goat.

"Where's Manny?" the Rose Monroe lookalike yelled and got right up in our faces, or more like Jaunie's neck and the top of my stomach, "That little bitch thinks he can throw two little cream puffs at me and slink off like I don't know what he did?"

"Madam, I assure you, I am no cream puff. I'm at least a tamale." I informed the irate woman.

"Please, I can smell the innocence." Rose-like huffed and I looked at Juanie in shock.

"Innocence?" I questioned and he looked away in shame, "Dude, you have abs! How?"

Juanie didn't answer and I put a compassionate hand on his shoulder.

"Mamacita." I addressed the pissed off queen of Latin booty in front of us, "Mi amigo is young and air headed, despite his body of twisted steel and sex appeal, he knows nothing. Mamacita, he needs your teachings. And you need vengeance."

Juanie yelped when I tore open his coveralls, revealing his chiseled body to the gaze of the Rose-like who tilted her head back in approval.

"Drinks are on you when you get back." I announced as I slapped his back and went out the front door.

DISENGAGE FLASHBACK!

"Yeah, and now she hits me up every time Manny pisses her off." Juanie explained as Jackie and Pedro laughed about his put upon tone.

"Juanie, I would eat a mile of shit to get to her booty." Pedro declared and punched the other man in the arm, "Stop acting like ass thick enough to stop bullets is some kind of imposition. You're really pissing me off."

"Don't even think you're sneaking around with her, vato!" Jackie yelled in good cheer, "Ass so thick they can hear it clapping three blocks over!"

"Aaacchhh." Juanie sounded, "Why'd you even send her my way? All those women you bang, and you didn't want her? Please."

I yanked the cap off another cerveza and answered him, "In clinical studies, we know that when rats play with each other, if the dominant rat doesn't let the lesser rat win at least a third of the time, the lesser rat will no longer play with the dominant rat. So it is in rats, so it is in men. That thick ass, that's your third of the wins homes. The rest of the big asses in the barrio are mine!"

"That's what you think, cabron, but I gotta girl too. Callipygian." Pedro announced.

"Damn, girl got an ass that will make a vato get an education!" I roared in laughter.

I tipped back the cerveza and spent the rest of the night enjoying my time with the homies.

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I have discovered new levels of tired lately. Both work and my sons are demanding more of my time and energy each day. Hopefully things cool down once the new year starts otherwise I'm going to be exhausted all day every day.

You can support me and my family at

ko - fi . com / jmanm