118. Resident Competition part 1

AN: The resident competition is being split up into 2, maybe 3, parts. I only got to day two in this chapter (the contest is 2 weeks long), but Meredith needed to deal with some feelings before the fun of the contest could really start. I'm cautiously hoping to have the next part(s) up by this weekend.

Day One

"You got paged, too?"

Meredith felt her brow furrow as she pushed through the door to the small conference room she had been paged to minutes before. Izzie, Cristina and George already sat around the small table, along with several other residents from their year. She had only arrived at the hospital less than an hour earlier. She hadn't expected to be paged to a conference room, and was even more surprised to find her friends there as well. "Uh, yeah."

"Now I'm getting nervous," Izzie complained. "Why all of us?"

"It's not all of-"

The door opened again, just as Meredith was dropping into a seat between Cristina and George. Alex appeared, his expression immediately turning curious as he took in his fellow residents.

"Okay, it is all of us," George corrected.

"But why is it all of us?" Izzie asked.

Meredith shrugged. "Did we all kill someone recently and can't remember?"

Alex snorted as he collapsed onto the closest chair to the door. "It's probably some resident meeting or something."

"Or a waste of time skills lab," Cristina said with a sigh.

"I heard that, Yang," Bailey declared as she entered the room. "And I'll remind you that nothing I have you do is a waste of time."

"Of course not," Cristina said immediately. "And had I known it was you that paged us, I would have known that earlier."

Bailey said nothing out loud in response, though Meredith was pretty sure she heard the older resident mutter, 'kiss-ass' under her breath as she walked to the head of the small table. The residents all sat up straighter, preparing to at the very least appear fully interested in whatever Bailey had to say.

"You are my second year residents," Bailey announced. "You're almost half way through the year. You have gained significant experience and, hopefully, knowledge. It's time to put that to the test."

"Solo surgery time?" Cristina asked brightly.

Bailey shot her former intern a look that clearly said she was out of her mind. "Don't even get me started, Yang."

Cristina sighed and sat back in her chair.

"It's time for a little friendly competition."

Cristina sat forward again, intrigued.

Meredith felt her own interest piqued by Bailey's words.

"And not just any contest. A two-week, surgical contest. Winner takes all." Bailey paused for effect. "This competition will require your complete dedication for two weeks, starting right now. The winner will benefit from the losers. If you choose not to participate, the winner won't have any effect on you. Decide now if you're up for the challenge."

"Dr. Bailey, I don't understand," One of the residents asked. Meredith was pretty sure his name was Dr. Larke. "How will the winner be determined? Will we be judged on skill?"

"I'm afraid you have to agree to participate before you get to know the terms."

"And if we withdraw after we know the terms?" Another resident asked.

"Then you're considered a loser. There's no withdrawing from the contest."

Meredith glanced around the table. There was no way she would let a competition pass her by just because she didn't know the terms. Cristina, she was certain, would compete. So would Alex. And Izzie and George both looked determined.

Bailey pulled a stack on sealed envelopes out of her lab coat pocket. "If you accept this, you're officially entered in the competition." She glanced around the table before holding out the first envelope to Cristina. "Yang, you look like you're about to drool."

Cristina swiped the envelope out of Bailey's hand. "You could just call me the winner now," she stated confidently. "We all know I'm going to win."

Several of the other residents shifted uncomfortably at Cristina's words. It was no secret how good Cristina was. Or how competitive.

Bailey held an envelope out to Meredith. "Grey?"

Meredith took the envelope without hesitation. She was always up for a little competition.

Alex, Izzie and George took envelopes as well, but when Bailey moved down the table, she was met with resistance. Dr. Blakely, the only other female left in their year, glanced worriedly down the table towards Cristina, ignoring the enveloped being held out to her. "Dr. Blakely?" Bailey prompted.

Blakely very slowly turned her attention back to Bailey before shaking her head. "I don't..." She trailed off. "This week really isn't good for me..." She said.

"Are you refusing this envelope?"

She nodded.

Bailey pursed her lips. "Then you can go."

Blakely hurried from the room.

Bailey moved on to her next victim, the one who had wanted to know the terms before agreeing to compete. She held out an envelope. He reached his hand up, but stopped just inches away. His fingers twitched, but then he lowered his hand. "I'm out, too." He stood and left the room.

Bailey turned to the remaining two residents. "If you're out, too, you can go."

They looked at each other, and then they both stood and left the room silently.

Bailey laughed as she turned back to her remaining five residents, clearly prideful that they were all her former interns. "You can open the envelopes."

Meredith quickly tore into hers and pulled out a single sheet of paper that held a list of assigned points. Sutures – 1 point each, Observing a surgery – 3 points, Holding a retractor – 4 points, Holding a clamp – 4 points, Assisting on a general procedure – 10 points... And the list went on, all the way to the last. Medical Mystery – 80 points.

"As you can see, every surgical procedure you may perform, assist or observe has been assigned a rating. It's your job to keep track." She pointed her finger at her residents. "If you are caught bumping up your total, and I mean something as little as saying you did five sutures when you did four, you will be disqualified and suffer from my wrath. Is that understood?"

They all nodded.

"Any questions?"

George nodded. "Are we restricted to a certain number of hours of work a day?"

Bailey shook her head. "What did you think I meant by complete dedication for the next two weeks?"

Meredith started. "You mean we're not allowed to leave for two weeks?"

"You are free to leave when you like, so long as you're off shift. Just keep in mind that your competitors may not be so undedicated. Your weakness will only give them an edge."

Meredith nodded as the reality of what she had agreed to sunk in. Beside her, Cristina was practically shaking with excitement to get started. Alex, Izzie and George looked less excited than Cristina, but still eager to get started. Two weeks. Two entire weeks. The surgeon in her was confident and eager, but the wife in her was apprehensive. Derek had been so understanding of her crazy schedule for so long – their lives have been dictated by the hospital since the morning after they met – but this wasn't a necessary part of her residency. This was two entire weeks that she had agreed to.

"Can we start now?" Cristina asked.

Bailey nodded.

Cristina, Izzie, Alex and George hurried out the door.

Meredith followed behind them, realizing for the first tie just how different her life was than her friends' lives. They didn't have partners to justify their actions to. They weren't expected to be at home at least sometimes for the next two weeks. They didn't have a new spouse and a new home.

How was she going to tell Derek?

Day Two

Alex was winning.

Just hours into the contest, and after being beat out of surgery by Meredith, Cristina and George, Alex had been in the right place at the right time. He'd been moping in the ER when a trauma came in and he'd gotten tons of points.

Cristina was pissed. Her surgery the day before had been with Hahn, who hadn't let her assist at all, leaving her with only three points for several hours of surgery.

Meredith had held her own with the points, and was sitting solidly in second, but wasn't able to allow herself feel happy about it. She had been scheduled to be on call the night before, so she hadn't yet had to explain to her husband what she had signed up for. It wasn't exactly a conversation she was looking forward to.

She'd managed to catch a few hours of sleep the night before, only to jolt awake from the nightmare she'd been having on and off for two weeks now. She couldn't help but picture the little girl from her dream, begging her to stay. But she'd left anyway. She'd chosen her job over the little girl.

How was she supposed to convince herself she wouldn't parent like that when she had agreed to spend two weeks in the hospital without first considering her husband?

With a sigh, she glanced at her watch. Derek had been scheduled for surgery early that morning, but he should be done now. She should tell him now.

She got halfway to his office when she was paged to the ER. She groaned, but hurried down to answer her page. A pile up on the freeway had caused most of the residents to be paged and all unnecessary surgeries to be postponed. The first patient to be brought in was severely injured and would obviously require extensive surgery. Meredith lost the patient to Cristina by a well placed elbow, but beat out Izzie for the next one; a young man with internal injuries.

Meredith scrubbed in with Bailey for several hours. The surgery was successful, but it was very late in the day when they finally scrubbed out. Meredith hadn't even seen her husband today, let alone told him she wouldn't be going home with him that night.

"Good job today, Grey," Bailey said as they scrubbed out together. "You may have earned enough points to pull ahead of Karev."

Meredith offered her Chief Resident a small smile, but couldn't hold it for long. The pride she should have felt over her competitive success was overcome by the dread she felt about telling her husband not to expect her home for two weeks.

"Grey?" Bailey prompted.

Meredith nodded. "Thank you."

"Why don't you seem happy about the points? The trick to the competition is a strong and early lead. I led from day one."

"I am. I just..."

Bailey sighed as she turned away from the sink for paper towel to dry her hands.

Meredith followed suit, believing the conversation to be over, but she felt Bailey's eyes on her as she slowly pulled out three sheets of paper towel. "I want to compete, I do. And I want to win," she said. "I just feel... Two weeks is..."

"It's different for you than the other residents," Bailey said, as if reading Meredith's mind. "It's not easy being the only married resident. I remember what that was like. You don't just have yourself to consider."

Meredith nodded. "Yeah."

"Was Shepherd unhappy?"

Meredith looked away as she tossed the paper towel into the trash. "I haven't told him yet," she admitted.

"And if he is unhappy?"

Meredith met her eyes again and shrugged. "I don't know. He's been so understanding about my crazy shifts. But this is different."

"There are benefits and drawbacks to being a surgical resident and trying to have a relationship at home."

"He's been so understanding," she repeated, "But I don't want to turn into one of those women who choose surgery over-" She cut herself off as she realized what she was about to say and who she was about to say it to. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean you." It was no secret Bailey's marriage was on the rocks and her husband had moved out. Or that her son had almost died at home while she had been at work.

Bailey took a breath. "I didn't want to be one of those women either," she admitted. "And I don't know that I was, completely. The fact that you're worried is good; it means you're aware of what you're doing. I didn't worry. I just assumed I was different that everyone else." She offered Meredith a sad smile. "And your husband has been there. He understands better what kind of commitment you need to make."

Meredith nodded. Derek really did seem to understand. He had been a surgical resident himself. Bailey's husband hadn't. She hesitated before saying quietly, "Are you okay?"

Bailey stood up a bit straighter. "I'm Dr. Bailey. Of course I'm okay."

Meredith smiled at the older woman's tenacity. "Of course you are. I just mean...are you okay?" She asked again, quietly.

Bailey sighed. "I thought he understood I was doing all of this for us. I thought he understood the commitment." She paused. "I don't know when we stopped talking."

"I'm sorry."

Bailey shrugged, but said nothing. The air between them grew thick with tension.

Meredith shifted her weight. Her personal conversations with Bailey were few and far between. She didn't know if there was something she should say or do. Should she just leave? She couldn't leave because Bailey was between her and the door. She reached to the rings hanging around her neck on instinct. She wanted to slide them onto her fingers, but stopped herself. It wouldn't be right to do that in front of Bailey. She had to come up with something lighter to talk about. "How's Tuck?" She found herself asking.

Bailey's demeanour lightened. "He's doing fine."

"All healed?"

"Getting there." Her smiled grew. "It goes to show just how much faster kids bounce back than adults."

"I'm glad."

"Me too." She let her words simmer for a moment before turning and leaving Meredith alone in the scrub room.

Meredith let out a breath and follow suit by leaving the scrub room. She didn't follow Bailey, though. She may not know what to say to the senior resident, but she knew when someone needed time to themselves. Instead, she headed for the OR board to check on her husband's status.

Derek's name wasn't on the OR board, so she headed for his office. His shift was over, so he was probably waiting on her to be done surgery so they could go home together. The dread she felt increased as she neared his office. This was not a conversation she wanted to have, especially when she was already feeling insecure with her own abilities.

When she reached Derek's office, she knocked and waited instead of trying the door knob. She wasn't sure why. There was shuffling on the other side of the door, and then footsteps. Then the door opened.

Derek offered her an uncertain smile when he met her eyes. "Hey," he said softly, "Why are you knocking?"

She shrugged, not sure herself.

His brow furrowed, but his lips kept the smile. "I haven't seen you all day," he said eventually, reaching for her hand and then tugging her into his office. The moment the door was closed behind her, his snaked his arms around her waist.

Despite her anxiety, Meredith melted into his embrace. She pressed her face into his shoulder and hugged him back tightly. She sighed. He was so solid and so warm against her. So safe.

"How was your surgery?" He asked quietly, rubbing her back. "Did you patient not make it?"

She lifted her head to meet his eyes. "No, he made it."

"That's good." He cocked his head. "You seem upset. I just thought..."

Meredith forced herself to meet his eyes. It was now or never. "I have to tell you something."

He held her a little tighter and his lips flatted into a thin line, as if he was preparing himself for bad news. "Okay."

"I..." She trailed off, uncertain of the right words. Maybe this was all just a stupid idea? She should just tell Bailey she's withdrawing from the contest. Whatever the consequences, she didn't care. It wasn't worth upsetting the balance she had between her work life and her home life. Her marriage was strong. They'd just moved into a new home. They were still newlyweds. She didn't need to create problems. She didn't want to follow the path Bailey had taken. She wouldn't follow that path, no matter what. She wouldn't. She would keep her priorities.

"Are you in trouble?" He prompted, his voice filled with concern. "Whatever it is, Mer, it'll be okay."

She almost laughed at his words. Here she was freaking out because she'd been selfish and not thought about her husband when she'd signed herself up for two straight weeks of being a surgeon and not a wife, and he was worried she was in trouble. He was assuring her his help for the issue she had created that involved him. "I'm not in trouble." She took a deep breath. "Bailey's got this contest-"

Derek nodded. "For the second year residents."

She paused, surprised he knew about it. "You know?"

He nodded. "She sent out lists of procedures and points. She wants to make sure no one is padding their scores."

"You know," she said again, only this time not as a question.

"So, what happened?" He prompted again, his tone still filled with worry.

"Nothing happened," she said, "But I'm in the contest."

He nodded, waiting for more information.

Meredith was confused. Derek was clearly still waiting for bad news, for the shoe to drop. Maybe he just didn't understand. "It's two weeks long, Derek," she advised.

"Yeah..."

"Two weeks," she repeated. "Two whole weeks. I need to be here the whole time, regardless of my shifts to have a chance at winning."

He nodded, but said nothing. That 'waiting for the bad news expression' was still on his face. He wasn't pretending not to understand, she knew, because he wouldn't do that. He was better than that.

"You know what?" She backtracked, "This is stupid. I'm not doing this," she said on impulse. Clearly he knew, but didn't understand. And she didn't want him upset when he realized what it meant.

"Not doing what?"

"The contest."

He cocked his head. "Why not? You'll kick ass."

Why didn't he understand? "It's two weeks, Derek. That means I won't be home for two weeks. And I didn't even talk to you about it first. This seems like something I should have talked to you about. Because it's not fair to you. So, I'm not going to do it."

"Meredith," he said her name in that soft way that normally made her heart flutter. This time, however, it made her heart clench. Because she didn't deserve to hear her name spoken in that way from his lips.

"No." She shook her head. "I won't... I'm not going to..." She trailed off, suddenly breathing hard. She sucked in a breath and forced herself to go on. "It's too long; too much to ask. I'll just do what I can during my shifts and-"

Derek pulled her against him and wrapped his arms so tightly around her that she felt like she could lift her feet off the ground and not drop an inch. "Just breathe for a moment," he whispered.

She did. She clutched at the fabric of his shirt against his back and buried her face into the crook of his neck. His warmth enveloped her, making her feel both safe and weak at the same time. She loved the feeling of safety he offered, but she hated needing to feel it.

Derek hummed softly to calm her and eventually loosened his grip to rub her back.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"I still don't understand what you have to be sorry for," he whispered back.

His words tore at her heart. He didn't know. He didn't understand. She was a mess, and she was overwhelmed with the feeling of just not being good enough. Her dream was getting to her and keeping this secret, that apparently wasn't a secret at all, for almost two days had pushed her over the edge. Really, really far over the edge. "I'm not good at this," she finally whispered.

Derek ducked his head to press a kiss to her shoulder. He then tugged her towards the couch and sat, pulling her down beside him. "Okay," he said softly once they were seated together and he had hooked an arm around her. "What aren't you good at? Being a surgeon?" He shook his head. "Mer, you're an amazing surgeon-"

"Not that," she said quietly, her tone flat. Being a surgeon, she was good at. She excelled at work and she knew it. Unfortunately, right now she wished she could shift the balance and excel at home instead. She sighed. "I'm not good at being a wife."

He blinked, clearly taken aback. His eyes narrowed and his head cocked to the side as he surveyed her. He didn't speak right away, but when he did his tone was soft. "Don't you think it's me that should be making those judgements?"

She ignored his question. "I'm trying, and sometimes I feel like I'm doing okay. Sometimes I even feel like I'm good at it. But then I do something like this-"

He cut off the rant before she could truly get started. "Mer, you haven't done anything wrong, here."

"So, you're fine with the fact that your wife signed herself up to be at the hospital for two weeks straight without even telling you?"

He sighed. "Am I happy that my wife won't be home for two weeks? No," he said honestly. "But do I blame her? Do I think she's a bad wife? No. Absolutely not."

Meredith tried to look away from his eyes, but he reached out to cup her cheek, forcing her gaze back to him. "I know what I signed up for," he whispered. "You're a surgical resident. You have to be here. You have to commit now. I get that, Mer. I really do. I've been there. I've spent weeks at a time in the hospital. I'm not going to ask you not to do that."

"But I didn't even ask you," she found herself whispering.

"What are we, a nineteenth century couple?" He tried to joke.

She tried to smile at his attempt to lighten the mood, she really tried.

He offered her a tender smile. "You don't need my permission."

"I don't mean it that way."

"You're a resident," he repeated. "That means it's expected that you sign up for every contest, every surgery, and every opportunity. Trust me, I get it. I've been there. I'm not upset. I'll miss you, yes, but I'm not mad at you."

Meredith felt her heart tug at his tender words. "You're really not upset?"

He smiled. "I'm really not upset." He moved his hand from her cheek to run his fingers through her hair. "You're the one to beat, Mer. You're going to make an amazing surgeon. I'm so proud of you." He leaned in to kiss her on the cheek. "And you're already an amazing wife. I don't know why you could possibly think otherwise."

"I don't want to be the girl who chooses surgery over her family," she whispered, looking away.

He sighed. "Sometimes that's part of the job. It's not easy, but it happens. I've done it, too. How many dinners have we missed because I was in surgery? How many evenings or days off have I ruined?"

He didn't get what she was trying to tell him, she realized. But he was trying so hard to understand her. "I'm afraid of it becoming a habit," she admitted, not able to look him in the eye when she said it. "I'm afraid it'll become the easy way out."

He tried to turn her gaze back to him again, but she resisted. "Mer," he said quietly. "Please look at me."

She looked down, but then slowly raised her gaze.

He offered her an encouraging smile when she finally met his eyes. "Where is this coming from?"

Tears stung her eyes, and she blinked hard to get rid of them. "My mother chose surgery over everything else in her life."

"Including you," he added softly. "I know that, but you're not her. You're not like her."

"But what if I am? I didn't think Bailey was like her. I always thought that if Bailey could make it all work, then so could I. She was the reason I knew it was possible. But now..."

"Now she's on the verge of divorce and her son almost died."

She nodded. "But she's still a hell of a surgeon."

He sighed heavily. "You've been upset since Tuck's accident. I thought it was about the accident..." He trailed off. "You should have made me understand sooner."

Just another thing he had to deal with from his unworthy wife, she thought bitterly, wishing she could be stronger for him. "It doesn't matter," she said flatly.

"It does if you're this upset."

"I just don't want to turn into her. I'm..." Her voice cracked and she had to take a moment before she could continue. "I'm terrified of becoming her."

He nodded, his eyes narrowing as he studied her. "And you've lost your role model," he said eventually, having read her correctly.

She shrugged. "I guess." She'd looked up to Bailey since the start of her internship. In Meredith's eyes, Bailey had been the devoted wife, and then mother, that Ellis had never been. It had all seemed so possible.

He fell silent.

She joined him in silence, her gaze falling downwards again. His arm was still around her, and she could feel his fingers twitching ever so slightly against her back. His other hand was resting on her shoulder. A year ago, she would have wanted to run from this situation, but now she felt relief, despite the tension in the room and the lack of resolution. Keeping her fears from him was stressful and hard. She'd rather them be out in the open, even if it made her feel like an unworthy freak.

He sighed and then pulled her into his chest. She allowed the movement and looped her arms around his waist. She always felt better in his arms, and right now she couldn't even hate herself for needing to be there.

"I don't know how to make this better for you," he whispered. "You're an amazing wife. I'm certain of it. And the only thing that can convince you that you won't turn into your mother is time."

Meredith felt tears sting her eyes again and this time she didn't try to stop them. She was scared and Derek was trying to make her feel better. Yes, she was weak, but in his arms she felt like it was okay to be weak, even if just for a moment.

He sighed again. "Mer, I spent my whole life feeling like I was missing something, feeling like I wasn't good enough. I felt like my family needed me to be someone I wasn't. I spent eleven years in a marriage to a woman who wanted me to be someone I wasn't." He hugged her tighter. "But with you, I feel like I can breathe..." His voice cracked and he trailed off.

She could feel deep, heaving breaths against her chest. When he spoke again, his voice was thick.

"You've never asked me to be something I wasn't. You've challenged me and you've pushed me, but you've never asked me to change me. And you love me. You love me." He pulled back far enough to meet her eyes. His were damp. "I feel like I'm enough for you. I feel like we're really in this together, us. I feel like I can breathe," he repeated, "Like I was drowning before, but you saved me."

She offered him a wet smile at the echo of the statement he had first presented her with well over a year prior. "That was the other way around."

He laughed and then kissed her. "Physically, it was the other way around, but emotionally, you saved me. I can be myself with you, no matter what. You accept me. And you like me."

Meredith felt her smile grow at his words. "I do like you," she agreed.

"You have no idea how much I love my life now. Our life," he corrected. "You're what was missing before."

"Really?" She found herself asking quietly.

He beamed. "Really. I wouldn't change you for anything. You, Meredith Grey-Shepherd, are an absolutely amazing wife. I love you so much."

Meredith's eyes watered to the point that Derek's face became blurry, but she couldn't tear her eyes away.

"You make me feel loved, Mer," he said simply. "You make me feel happy. And you do things for me all the time. You bring me food and coffee at work. You understand when I lose a patient. You surprise me with things at home, like camping out in the living room in our first night in our new home. You make me laugh. You make me enjoy life. You ask me about my day and remember important things." He shook his head. "You ordered carrot cake cupcakes for my birthday. You make me feel special. How could you possibly think you're a bad wife?"

Tears were streaming down her face, but she didn't make a move to wipe them away. "You're really that happy?"

He nodded. "I really am. And I normally think you are, too."

She released a breath that was half laugh and half sob. "I am, normally. I just... We saw your family, and they're so freaking happy, and I come home thinking we can have it all; the kids and the jobs. And I was so sure. But then things started to fall apart and..."

"You know why my family seemed so happy?"

"Why?"

He smirked. "Because they were on vacation. They have real lives where they have jobs and kids and decisions to make. And I'm sure they fight with their husbands and have to choose their jobs over their family sometimes. It's part of life."

"I guess that makes sense." She had never thought of it that way. She'd never seen the Shepherds in their normal lives.

"We're going to have fights, Mer. And we're going to struggle to balance work, marriage and, one day, kids. But we'll get through it together, I promise you that."

"Okay."

"Okay," he echoed. He ran his hands up her shoulders and neck to the sides of her head and used his thumbs to tenderly brush the remnants of her tears from her cheeks. "Now, you are already an amazing wife, so now you need to focus on becoming an amazing surgeon. And that starts by kicking ass in this contest."

"You're sure?"

"Absolutely. I'm going to watch you become the best surgeon in the hospital, and I'm going to be your cheerleader the whole time. And when you win this contest, I'm going to take you home and we're going to celebrate."

"Okay," she agreed quietly, unable to stifle the smile that his words and the relief bubbling in her chest created.

"Okay," he echoed again, before leaning in and pressing his lips to hers. "Now, promise me one thing."

"What's that?"

"That next time you're upset you'll make sure I understand so you don't end up with some absurd idea that you're a bad wife for being in a contest."

"It didn't seem absurd at the time."

He smiled. "Well, it is. And completely irrational."

"Well, you're usually the rational one."

He kissed her again. "Just promise me."

"I promise."

"Good." He kissed her once more, longer this time.

"Thank you, Derek," she whispered when he pulled away.

"I'm just being the best husband I can be."

She laughed and nodded. "You're a very good husband."

"We're a good match, then."

"We are," she agreed.

"Do you want me to stay here tonight?"

She shook her head. "No, you go home. I have to troll for surgeries if I'm going to win this contest."

"You're definitely going to win."

"I'll do my best."

"Do you want me to bring you anything from home?"

She considered his question. Having a husband could come in handy. "Some clothes would be great. Some tops to wear under my scrub. And clean underwear."

He smirked. "I will have no problem going through your underwear drawer."

She giggled. "I'm sure you won't. Just make sure it's work appropriate."

"I'll do my best."

After a few more minutes of comfortable banter, Derek said goodnight and good luck, and left her in the hospital. Feeling lighter than she had in weeks, Meredith stayed up for hours successfully trolling for cases. When she finally became too exhausted to do anything more, she forwent finding herself an oncall room bed to sleep in. Instead, she crashed on the couch in Derek's office.

And her dreams were filled only with happy futures.