441. Masaru Talks 1: Characters Equivalents + Part ...
Hello! I have a new mini-series going on over here. I'm calling it MASARU TALKS!!! Let's say that it's my journal slash autobio.
So, you see, in Elementary, or Grade School as the Americans say, I was a very, very dumb kid. In Grade 1, I would often be yelled at by the teachers for not paying attention and was often ridiculed. I didn't have a sense of danger when speaking with these teachers nor did I really understand what was going on.
Now, I know what you're thinking!
"Obviously, the teachers decided to get me tested!"
X!
No... No, they did not.
So, I transferred to another elementary school in Grades 2 and 3. And... it was far worse. One classmate of mine was a pathological liar. When I'd pretend to hit him, like in cartoons, he'd say that I was a bully and I'd legitimately beat him. I also had this one friend who really liked hurting me...He was half-foreigner. Now, I won't say his race to not be rac-...He was a Caucasian American. But, HEY!!! I have another Caucasian South African friend, AND HE WASN'T CRAZY!!!So that kid was just one of a kind.
That kid. Let's call 'im Geode... He said I was beating him up and ended our friendship before I left that second school. The other kid... Let's call him Caucasian Dude... He...1. Strangled me to near death when I accidentally knocked his chess pieces to the ground...2. Put my head on a shelf and pulled down my pants...3. And he accidentally punched me in the face and took out my tooth, which luckily was a baby tooth (and I'm glad that it was an accident this time).
Now... Yes, that kid was terrible...
But then there was this kid. Let's call her... Uh... Vine.She socially isolated me because I had this thing where I would blame other kids for stealing my stuff.Yeah, I know... It is my fault this time. But in my defense, I had trust issues.
Throughout my childhood, I didn't understand how... Uh... Society "works..." I quite understood the world as, "Oh. I don't vibe with these people. So, I will not do anything with them."
So... I didn't! :) With... ANYONE!!!
So, in Grade 4, I appeared back in the first school. Let's call it... Saint Orangutan. Saint Orangutan was a horrible, horrible place. A lot of bullies appeared. Also, my fellow "Weebs" were all pathological liars: Being raised by television and therefore bullied because we copied cringey cartoon mannerisms.
I was a very imaginative kid. So, I'd walk around my house as my imagination goes on moving in my head like a weird motion picture.
And... I was bullied for it!
I would always walk around this canal in school with railings on it and use it as a bridge toward the school, imagining that it's a place where magical trolls spawn for me to fight. And I love that none of the teachers found it sus...Like...I mayhaps have a disorder. Like... I probably need help bruh...And... I didn't.
Instead! I was bullied for it! Relentlessly by my classmates and teachers who thought I was trouble!
When I daydreamed (which happens when I'm exhausted while doing something) the teacher yells at me and scolds me. One time, I was playing with my pen to punch holes in crayons because I didn't understand what my Filipino teacher was saying, so she took my pen and smashed it in front of me. That, of course, made me cry and get scared... But... She didn't care! All she cared about was that I wasn't listening and that I was a troublemaker!
So... I got in trouble with my Grandparents when I told them what happened.
Instead of either of them thinking... "Hm! Maybe he has disorders like his brother...!" No! No! None of that!This fool has to be punished.
I would also often forget to do assignments because I was incapable of paying well attention in school. Again, the teachers don't care about the students. They care about getting paid and that everyone pays attention to them. Why? Because they have no idea how to teach in the first place. Even now, at University, teachers are still incredibly lazy and often do almost nothing to help their students get through their education. They don't care if you have a missing requirement. All they care about is that they finish their jobs because they have things to do.
So every time the good-for-nothing brother like me did something so fucking stupid, they yelled at me until I cried in my room. I got so used to being called "Torpe" by my Grandfather that I ended up, at first, ignoring the word. Then... I began seeing the word as a trigger. I will legitimately punch anyone who calls me "Torpe (Clumsy)" or "Tanga (Idiot)" or "Bobo (Dumbass)" or "Gago (Silly)", which are all very harsh swears in Filipino. I grew to hate my Grandparents at the time, growing depressed along with the bullying.
Note: I'm cool with them now. One passed away recently and I made amends with her and I've been trying to build a functioning relationship with the other.
So... They had the most rational idea ever for my lack of attention and lack of time management!
There's this one school that I'm thankful for that I cannot mention right now...Because I'm gonna slander it!It's this one tutoring school where you learn either Math or Reading. I was given Math because I was such a screw-up in life that I had to be good at something, RIGHT!?
So... I got really good...Too good.
I reached the 15th Level, which was the highest, right? Cool, RIGHT!? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!WRONG!!!
Because now, Math Class was Hell.
They made me help them and tutor them in their HOMEWORKS (which I couldn't deny because I desperately wanted friends and attention) and I just HAD to be the best at Math.And I was! But when there are those moments where I got wrong?Ohoho... My reputation is DEAD!!!That's right, baby! I'm fucking Mirabel AND Mei COMBINED INTO ONE, BABY!!!
I had to keep this image stable. So every time it's math class I JUST HAD TO RECITE!!! I JUST HAD TO!!! I needed that attention! That respect that FOR ONCE I've gotten!
Also... JESSIE, let's call her!? My crush since 6th Grade! I needed her to like me!So, I did that cringey thing where I'd copy anime to get her to like me.Yeah... Didn't work out.So she rejected me and said she hated me and explicitly said that I was a weirdo.
So, I just had to be good at this until it became my identity. I was the Math Wizard! Yeah!Well, obviously, there was this one kid... Jb let's call 'im. He was somehow smarter than me, better-looking than me, stronger than me, taller than me, and always gets higher scores than me.And he was my best friend!And the second girl I liked fell for him!And I was alone...
*psychotically stares at the mirror...*
Anyway... Back to the Mathness!
I had to be the best, you understand!?
But... Obviously... I can't keep that identity forever.
At High School, I started getting whispers in my thoughts. I can't "hear" them! But they... take over my brain... or somethin'... I don't know how to explain it? Like... I feel like a different dude... Or something? These thoughts basically told me to break a nice metal box in my Aunt's room.
So, as any logical puppet would do, I broke it!
That's when I started getting medicated for it! Finally! After SEVEN FUCKING YEARS...!!!
I finally gained medications!
But... Did I finally get the proper psychological care from my family and former bullies?
HAHAHAHA!!! NO!!! OBVIOUSLY, NOT!!! FORMER!?!?
No... Everything still stressed me out. I still had to live up to my family's standards. And I still have to be the best version of who I am!
Dude... Calm down.
NO!!!
Chill!
NO!!! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!!! NEVER!!! DO YOU KNOW DA WAE!? NO, YOU DO NOT KNOW DA WAE!!!
Alright, anyway... So, I was still the least favorite. I got the least number of toys from my Aunt's friends. I didn't get any devices except hand-me-downs like ugly buttoned phones while my little brother got new devices (I don't hate my little brother, though, because I love him, he loves me, and he understands what they did to me). I was always the one bullied for my disorders. Etcetera.
I also had this disorder in my ears which until now I haven't figured out what it was... When I hear ringing sounds, my ears hurt. Or... at least I get disturbed by it. And everyone in school would listen when I'm nearby. Because everyone thought it was funny. Especially in middle school and early high school. I'd also have these moments where my ears go ringing and my brain goes blank for around a whole 15 seconds.
Also, I'd hear girls judging by how handsome I'd look and I'd always be a 3 or some shit.
People would say how weird my music taste was.
People didn't find me funny.
And-...
Alright! Boohoo! You have a sad origin story! Let's just get on with what this chapter is REALLY ABOUT!!!
Oh... Right...
So, I am writing all this because of an argument between me and my mom. When I argued that she was being too harsh on my little brother, she shot back by saying how much of a... well... failure...? No... How about burnt chicken nugget? How much of a burnt chicken nugget I am compared to him and how he still has hope. She says that she didn't mean it by that but I disagree because she pointed out how lazy I am, how I only focus on writing, and how much I am such a complainer without pointing out how, unlike my little brother, I actually do my homework, I am the one who takes care of my brother a lot of times, I cook for the family, and I actually study. Yeah, I agree that I should really do more chores. However, all I SAID WAS THAT SHE WAS BEING HARSH TO MY BROTHER!!! And she went on to point out how much of a burnt chicken nugget I am compared to him. Her literal argument is that I'm a burnt chicken nugget and my brother needs a stricter routine compared to me.
Then again, reflecting, she isn't wrong I am, in fact, a lazy bum. But she didn't have to point out her weaknesses when I was just asking her to please not be harsh to my brother. Then again, I yelled at her for a second, but that's because I got wet in the rain because of her. Long story. We were in the garage-...
"BUT MIKHAIL!!!This will help your brother grow and be a better chicken nugget than you!"
MY BROTHER WILL END UP HATING HER!!! I just don't want him to end up rebelling as I did because of how she raises him right now. It isn't wrong... I know... but I can tell that he's beginning to have some minor tendencies where he begins to rebel. Like the aforementioned fact that he hates studying. Oddly enough, he hates studying with my mom, but strangely enough, he does things faster when he is with me.
Because you give him the answers?
Yeah! Wait... NO!!!Because I don't yell at the kid. I use a trick called POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT!!!It works... 60? 65?It works 65% of the time!
So... I did some reflecting... AND I DECIDED TO DISSECT MY SELF-INSERTS AFTER MY MOM DISSECTED ME TO THE POINT WHERE I CRIED IN THE GARAGE AND EVERYONE COULD HEAR ME!!!:D
She really did that?
It was also raining!:D
Are you sure you weren't imagining things?
No. Because it was last week.
You cried in the rain last week...? Aren't you like... 47?
I'm 20...
You look like a man-child, though...
Yeah... I get that a lot...
So... Let's talk about Jotaro Kujo's variants... My variants!
*DUN DUN DUN!!!*
All these guys from years of reflecting!
I related to Jotaro Kujo because I was once coded as a troublemaker. That's... literally just it.And he's Badass...And I had a very, very strangely egoistic subjective self-view.Also, because I always wanted to be him... kinda...
So, I created Miguel JoJo because he's supposed to be the side of me that became angry, serious, and depressed over the years. He's my side who's very easily annoyed, sarcastic, and incredibly grumpy. He also represents the dream guy I wanted to be. Yes, boys can have dream gays...guys*...yeah...I always wanted to be able to be the best husband and father I could ask for, unlike... some people... I wanted to be the perfect man...But, some time in the Arc, I gave Miguel flaws because I began to see that this part of me holds grudges and is a bit of a pessimistic bigot.
Then, there's Josuke Higashikata (Prince), who is a reminder of my original innocent and naive self who always got bullied before for being different. However, he also shows my lazy underachiever self. Like Josuke, I had high scores, was smart, studied until I was dry, and was sheltered for a long time, but also, I was lazy, a bit of a parasite, a loser, an underachiever, an insensitive ass, a bit naive, and rebellious and a troublemaker.
Then, there's Miguel Ibarra. The side of me who'd act goofy and sarcastic and use humor to avoid facing his own feelings. He is also lazy, but he shows a side of me that's pretty bad. It's around the time I still hated my family. To this day, I hold resentment for the fact that they blamed everything on me. Disclaimer: Unlike Miguel, I was never abused like Ibarra... but then again, abuse isn't only physical. NOT SAYIN' I WAS!!! But... let's just say there were so many nights I cried myself to sleep that it felt like 3000 years before I finally woke up from that resentment and learned to forgive.I was bullied. That I could agree with myself on. Yes. And people often say that I exaggerate the fact that I was teased, strangled, made fun of, laughed at, psychologically tormented, manipulated, socially isolated, and ignored because I am sensitive. But in the end, bullying IS bullying. They did those things and people expect you to be a man. That in itself is sexist. As Bo Burnham said, "Everyone's a feminist until a spider is around." Not saying that you shouldn't listen to feminists, because you should! But you shouldn't listen to hypocrites! These guys say that they would NEVER eat your favorite doughnut, so I should never eat theirs. BUT IN REALITY, THEY'LL EAT IT WHEN THEY FEEL LIKE IT!!!Or, I should be a good role model by spending my savings properly, BUT IN REALITY, THEY TAKE MY SAVINGS WITHOUT MY PERMISSION!!!
You have serious issues...
Yeah-huh... People say they want to do movements to change things. But should we really listen to them if they can't stand on the foundations of their words? So, if my mother says that I am a burnt chicken nugget, I would always ask myself "whose... fault... is it...?" Not only her, of course... But to my whole family. I am angry. I have always been angry. But, I still forgave them. Because I love them. I'm not saying it's her fault entirely, but I was hurt when she explained that my brother "still has a chance." That's a horrible thing to say to your kid. Child, baby, adult, or old person. Or chicken nugget... So, he represents who I am now. A dude constantly changing to prove them all wrong and make all of them eat their words. So... I'm just glad I didn't become the next person.
Then, there's MABUS, the dark side of my personality who wishes vengeance on my opponents and who ended up hating these people. Instead of... being a better person, he rebelled even further. Soon, he became what is basically an evil piece of shit. The worst of the worst. A genocidal psychopath who wants "everyone to be equal." Eh? Get it? He's me, but he wants everyone to be equal to each other so no one has to suffer under an authoritative figure. Except, you know... HIM!!! That sounds... very fascist!He's also not really okay up there in the noggin'! He also likes killing people who wronged him! Imagine Miguel Ibarra, but unlike Ibarra, MABUS actually killed the people Ibarra stopped himself from killing.Yeah! That's MABY!!!Disclaimer: I don't mean I wanna kill people. That's fucked up. But I was down with humiliating them and destroying their reputations.Y'know in Cars? When you do a hard enough left you do a right? That's politics right there. A world he controls. A world made in heaven. He wants justice, yes... But... Is it really justice to forcibly remove what makes everyone a bit special in their own way? In the end, we have to accept that some people have better lives. Others? Ngh... Not so much! :) So... Yeah. Anarchy is fricked, dude. Fascism is also a nono... Socialism? Non-existent.We gotta accept reality as it is. And, if you don't... Who are you? Maybe you're Miguel JJ... Or JH! Or... Ibarra! or Maby Baby!I dunno. Up to you, mate!
I bet if my GETHICS professor read this, he'd ask about whatever the hell am I spewing about. I agree This shit does not make any sense.
Summary:Jotaro Kujo=I wanna be like him!Miguel JoJo=I wish I was him!Josuke Higahikata (Prince)=I was him!Miguel Ibarra=I am him!MABUS=I could've been him...
Remember, as the Burnt Chicken Nugget kid said, I may look like a burnt chicken nugget, but I will always love myself. This was foretold by an adorable meme black child that I just wanna give a big hug...
"Hey, Mister!"
Burnt chicken nugget child! Want me to give you a big hug?
"Okay!"
*hugs the child!*:D
"HELP!!! AN UGLY FAT ASIAN MAN IS ABDUCTING MY CHILD!!!"
Hoho... do not be a fool, lovely one. I am but the humble Author of the Books-...
*gets pepper-sprayed*
GAH!!! FUCK!!! YOU STUPID BITCH!!! GOD!!! WHY IS EVERYTHING RED!?!?
That's what you get for hugging a child that isn't yours, idiot.
"RUN, BURNT!! RUN!!! RUN FROM THE VERY UGLY FAT ARAB MAN!!!"
MY EYES!!! AND I'M SOUTH EAST ASIAN, YOU FUCKIN' RACIST!!!
Oh! By the way! Here's a teaser image for the next Part!
HAHA!!!I had to binge three shows to draft this! Hahaha! Waha... Bahahahaha... Oh! Boohoo! Boo! Boohoohoohoo...;(...