The other side 195

I wanted to make amends I really do. But I'm unprepared the deal with the emotions that is sweeping through me. I don't want to bow to an extent that I'm easily broken. I thought i had lost my ego. But in certain strange circumstance sucha as this my ego decided to make a surprising appearance and I wanted to indulge it at least a bit. So I kept my distance with Lucien but never as a way to punish him. It was mostly to protect myself from the possible hurt. I still don't understand him. Why was he confused about us? I'm crystal clear about this. The fact that we should be together is before me as night and day. I'm hurting and I can't show it to him or my people so I hide.