Chapter 8: CREED

I never wanted her to know hunger and want the way I had. Never wanted her to feel that shame like the rest of the world was looking down on you.

I'd bought her every device known to man so we could keep in touch when I was gone, and had kept up with her schooling and the things that I could handle as a man. The rest of that female shit I left to the aunt.

When I was told about her having her period I walked into the neighborhood with my gun on full display on my next leave to let the young fucks around there know that she was off limits. I'd wanted to bundle her the fuck up and put her somewhere safe.

Back then she was still my sweet little babygirl, even though her body was changing and she was outgrowing her babyish ways. It was plain to see that she would always be a little bitty thing though, which I used to think was cute, but now found sexy as fuck.

It's when she hit eighteen that shit went south on my ass. The little scrawny kid had blossomed into a fucking knockout on me practically overnight.

The only thing that saved my sanity was the fact that she was still that sweet shy little girl that I'd acquired in that parking lot, or I would've fitted her ass with a chastity belt.

She didn't seem to have any idea about her new appeal, and I'd had a talk with Dee about teaching her certain things without divulging too much. Although I wanted her to embrace her new womanhood, I never wanted her to lose that innocence that was so fucking beguiling.

I didn't want her dumb enough to fall for some lame fucker's bullshit lies either, and that's why I'd asked Dee to have the talk with her, fuck I know about teenage girls and hormones and shit?

I read some books but that shit didn't make any damn sense. At least they didn't seem to be describing any of the females I'd been acquainted with. I'd been fucking since the age of thirteen and it wasn't just thirty year olds I was fucking.

I didn't want that shit for my little Jessie. I wanted her life to be ten times better than the fuckery I'd endured, and so I'd gone above and beyond to make sure she had every opportunity. Boys were out though. I let her know that shit in as many ways as I possibly could. Maybe that's why she was still so skittish around males. I'd maybe sheltered her too much.

In my mind she was still the same little urchin I'd met that night. I never had a wayward thought about her. I'm no fucking pervert, and would've maimed any motherfucker who'd looked at her cross-eyed. But then shit had changed up on me when I was least expecting it.

I'd come to see her on my last deployment before I timed out and got the shock of my life. I'd been expecting my sweet little girl who'd grown some over time, but no big surprises. What I found was a fucking cover model with a body to rival any porn stars'.

I'm ashamed to say that I'd been angry back then-angry at the thought that someone else was one day going to enjoy all that. Then I was pissed at myself for looking at her that way, for even thinking of her in the same way I'd thought of other women I'd bedded, that meant nothing more than the hour or so I usually spent on a fuck.

It's when I realized that what I was feeling was actually a little bit more than that that the fun really begun. I was in a fucking quandary and that's a fact.

There was no doubt that I wanted her, but how could I do that shit? I'd spent all our time together trying to get her not to feel obligated to me in any way. How could I now take her?

Would she give herself to me out of some misguided sense of loyalty? I didn't want that shit. But I couldn't keep my eyes off of her that whole fucking weekend.

I found myself wanting to fight every male that came within ten feet of her, and was actively glaring fuckers away. She on the other hand, didn't seem to notice the men flocking to her like moths to a flame. She was still the same shy, sweet Jessie, only now she had the body of a fucking siren.

When we talked, I wondered if she realized that I wouldn't even look at her? I daren't risk it. No joke, everything about her made me hard that weekend and even as I sat having dinner with her in the only diner the piece a shit town had, I was mourning the loss of her innocence, and whatever ease we once had, because I was sure we were never going back there again.

It got so I had to physically restrain myself from touching her. When she spoke I found myself following the movement of her lips with my eyes with my breath held. It was pathetic.

I'd come way too fucking close that weekend to crossing the line. After the childhood I'd had, I'd taught myself not to deny myself anything.

I fought hard and fucked harder and made no bones about it. I'd stopped believing the world owed me something, but that weekend I was starting to look at her as my prize. My gift for doing something good for once in my fucked up life, and that was no good.

My dick stayed hard and my thoughts never stopped wandering to the nearest bed. It was a minor miracle that she made it intact that weekend. I spent the time taking her in, studying her, listening to her. I was preparing myself for not seeing her again. It was the only way.

After that I stayed away more and more even when I got out. I was too chicken shit to even Skype anymore and I knew I hurt her with that shit, but it's what was best for her, or so I told myself at the time.

I just sent money for whatever she needed, got a progress report once or twice a month and stayed the fuck gone. It almost killed me to leave her, and in the beginning when she'd beg me to come it would tear a hole in my gut.

I couldn't tell her why I was staying away after all, but I think somewhere along the way she started blaming herself for my absence. That's when she stopped asking.

But then the inevitable happened and I ended up seeing her again not long after that; that was the last time before I really cut and ran.

That was more than two years ago. That's also when I'd seen that look in her eye that had scared the living fuck outta me.

It was one thing for me to find myself wanting her, but something else entirely to see lust looking back at me from her beautiful eyes. I'd run that day and kept running until this.