Chapter 22: The religion of the hut

A trail of sadness and a trail of cold reasoning went through the photo, into Luz's soul.

Luz's biggest nightmare was always to think that her siblings, her and her parents would grow up together living the same way.

She hated it when the art teacher would make her and her classmates each draw their family together.

"Family is united by blood and that is an unbreakable bond for a lifetime.

Family togetherness creates our own strength, that's why we have to paint our family members with intense colors because they convey the strength we will need forever."

Nevertheless, Luz's family lived in monotony, shouting adjectives that were not very encouraging.

What kind of strength could that give her?

She did not want an adult strength, Luz wanted an inner childlike strength. Children have so much energy, joy, and empathy.

Isn't that the kind of strength we all need?

"What are you doing here and with a child?

I doubt he brought her here to drink, not in my presence."

The door to the hut was ajar, so the father entered without trouble until he encountered a woman with a shaved head who was sweeping.

"What are you insinuating, heretic?"

The woman set her back very straight and lifted her face haughtily.

"What are you doing here?"

The father set Luz down on the wooden floor and pointed to the little girl's cheek.

The woman knelt down in front of Luz and examined the pair of scratches on her cheek.

"It's not of care, but I need a special ointment that won't leave a mark.

Someone with very long fingernails had to see, didn't they?"

Luz looked down at the floor and paid attention to how big her sneakers were, and thus the size of her feet. She had noticed it before, but now it was a good excuse to dodge any questions.

That woman was just another adult.

"Well do a good deed for the first time and get it, please."

The woman stood up and faced the priest, flashing him a broad smile.

"And you have only come to me for help because of the child?"

Her smile was sarcastic and the priest's expression hardened in a way that made Luz feel as if she was standing next to her annoyed and bitter dad.

"There are some books I need to pick up from the library."

The woman said nothing and led Luz by the hand, while the priest kept pace behind them.

The cabin was really huge. There were passages everywhere and almost every column was in the shape of a mythological or biblical being. On some of the walls hung paintings of landscapes framed by the magnificence of the sun, the discretion of the night, or the sensuality of the dawn.

They came to a huge double door with a lock in the shape of a lion's or a cat's hand, Luz was not quite sure.

The woman took out some huge keys and opened the door to give way to a large library, identical to that of the castle of Disney's The Beast, but this was not a castle.

A girl with two braids and a maid's clothes jumped up from her chair when she realized she was no longer alone.

"Madam... What can I get you?

Good afternoon..."

The girl approached posing the hands holding the book behind her back.

She looked like Luz when she knew she had been caught doing something not very good.

"Call Mrs. Rivas and ask her for an ointment for the skin of a girl under 11 years old, but you know you should say sir because he is the one who is always attending the store."

Luz didn't understand, what do you mean 11 years old?

"I'm 8, but tomorrow I'll be 9."

The woman smiled and asked the maid to take the girl away.

"Maybe we will have a children's party before the opening."

Luz was very happy when the maid took her to tour other sections of the library. However, her curious side got the better of her and she looked at the floor plan of the library (which was hanging on one of the walls) to see where that passageway led to where the woman and the priest had gone.

"It's huge, if it wasn't for that blueprint I'd be lost.

According to what Marisa told me, in this church monks were also trained in more than just the art of worshipping God.

Marisa's parents sent her here to become a nun first and then move up according to her own merits, but apparently, she found a gold mine that made her independent of her parents' fortune.

If she has bought holy land, her fortune must be much greater than that of her parents, and that's saying a lot.

Lucky, isn't she?"

Luz was only interested in the maid leaving so that she could go to the other entrance leading to the passageway where Marisa and the priest were walking.

Maybe the passageway was too long, but Luz had become an expert at running away from her mother so she wouldn't hit her when she forgot to do her homework, or simply because her mother was already very upset.

Luz no longer lived in a shack, now she lived in a house made of dirty bricks, but bricks just the same.

There was a first and second floor (with a half-built rooftop), so there was room to run and Luz did not waste a single square meter.

"It's burning me, is the ointment man coming yet?"

The maid looked at Luz's cheek with some concern and stroked the center of her palm.

"Yes, in half an hour he told me he would become. I told her we'd be here, in the library, to wait for her.

What do you want to read?

I would recommend..."

Luz thought it would be good to play along so he wouldn't mind leaving her alone for a moment.

She only needed a few seconds to disappear.

"Any books on Adult and Child Mental Health?"

The maid frowned quizzically at the girl's request. They were in the fantasy book section sorted by century and years of publication.

Children like fantasy, or so she thought until that moment.

"Are you sure?

Do you know its mental health?"

Luz didn't understand the reason she was so surprised.

It was curious to Luz that her mother would talk to her about those mental health issues, but that she herself looked exactly how the mentality of an anxiety patient was described in the books.

Luz did not believe in what the books said unless she checked it on her own, and the symptoms of mental illness were something easy to detect if you paid a little attention to the person.

Many of the conclusions in the mental health books were possible to verify.

"I think you know what it is, why are you asking me?"

The maid didn't understand the girl's attitude, saw her strange, and wished she could get out of there. Her nervousness could be felt in the slight trembling of her hands.

Something told the maid that this girl might transform over the years into a "Deranged Girl", just like her sister.

"Will you bring me some water, I'm thirsty, please."

The maid didn't waste any time and left like the devil takes the devil.

She already had the seconds to do: "ABRACADABRA, get lost".

According to the map of the library, she only had to go out the smallest door to find a passageway lit by torches on the walls.

The problem was that the small door had a lock on it and the map did not show the location of the keys to the rooms in the cabin.

Although, if the maid could get in and out of this room, she must have had the keys or a copy of them.

Luz decided to run through the entire library until she came across a section of books of her interest, but in that huge room, there were only fantasy books in chronological order.

The books were divided into wide shelves where at the end was placed a sticker on which was written the century in big letters and the literary current in small letters.

She thought about messing up that pathetic order (Luz hated order, discipline, and responsibility) and she did it, but more because she thought that when the maid came, that mess would be a good distraction so she could take out the keys that she imagined were the bulge in the pocket of her skirt.

Note:

I didn't mention the bulge before because it didn't seem important and right now I'd rather save myself as much effort as possible.

You'll get my drift.

To be continued:

It took her only a minute to exchange the books and now she only had to think about her excuse.

Luz decided to lie down on the table where the maid had been before and her eyes fell on the huge bookcase at the back. She began to imagine that the table was like the earth (she knew that they had cut down a tree to create it) and that those books were like the clouds in the sky.

Relaxation always helped her to think better about any subject. She just had to let her imagination run wild. It always gave her the right answer, even if it seemed wrong at first.

However, this time she was going to cheat a little and guide her imagination where she wanted it to go, or at least at first.

Let's see what happens?

Images flashed through her mind of the tree that died to build this table and the huge bookshelves with the very wide shelves. From her childhood to her adulthood. Every second of that journey, even if it seemed crazy to adults, she felt the specter of the tree was present because a breath (which increased its rhythm every second) that sounded more like the wheezing of a pair of birds began to thunder over her sense of hearing.

Maybe that tree had the mission of supporting a nest.

That was his first conclusion and, as always, after that, the images of the tree began to deform like a sculpture that was falling apart.

Luz had the hope that if this time she tried to control her dreams she would be able to keep the images. That her imagination would not only be auditory. However, she had no control over her own mind and it was going to demolish all the images in its path.

She tried to fixate on the common point that all the trees had in common: Those lines that pierce their trunks.

The same lines that are direct victims of the ax.

Suddenly, Luz heard that tinkling sound, characteristic of fairy dust emanating from a big tree (she has read many classic stories).

Or at least, she saw sparks in the air and a sound like the tinkling of a bell in a music video of an 80's pop band.

So much influence.

Anyway, Luz identified the jingle as fairy dust and thought they were trying to save the tree and the nest.

"If I could see them I would believe in you and Celtic mythology more.

I don't just want to listen, I want to see and touch...to exist together."

She thought maybe she was missing finding something she and the tree had in common. As long as their worlds were separate, she couldn't stop it from being felled once again.

Like other beings in nature.

She was going to stretch her arms out to mimic the tree's half-curved posture, but she felt a few little dots on her feet.

"Could it be fairy dust that's inside my feet?

Just when I almost fell asleep, coincidence?"

I think that, just as she has infected me with some of her conflicted humanity, I have influenced some of her own way of thinking.

That "coincidence?" thing is mine...and I love that she's adopted it.

Careful, Luz, lest you become an echo yourself.

Anyway, the point is that Luz believed that these fairies were asking her for something that only dwelled within her.

"All fairies need fairy dust to live and fulfill our mission.

If humans use us to cover their own sadness and agony, replace people with our image and events of their reality by telling stories about us; then why not give us something of them with which we can represent and replace the fairy dust?

The trees of the dust of every season find themselves dying every few years and this is one of the few we have left.

What can you sacrifice, human child?"

Luz knew by her own account that fantasy only covered the sadness inside her soul, just as the queues covered her mother's sadnesses that, for some reason, were marked on her body and maybe not so much in her soul. Otherwise, why try to fill her body with more warmth or not her soul?

Or could it be that food can also somehow reach the soul and fill it with warmth?

Whenever she thought of trees, Luz thought of her mother's problems because, like a tree, three fruits were born from her.

And when thinking about that, she can't stop thinking about her father either.

Luz's father, like her, sought to cover the sorrows of his soul; but he was not going to do it through fantasies like Luz, he used his work and money.

Sometimes as in that occasion of daydreaming, she wondered how would be the process that something material could reach the soul or, at least, beyond what we can see of our body.

It was necessary for her to know already because those fairies needed something from the real world of the girl Luz to bring it into their world and their world was inside her soul.

Because souls fulfilled desires and the desires of a little girl lived inside her soul (or so the human calls it).

For Luz, the soul was a space of battles and fights with magical weapons (magical explanations) just like in the world of a fantasy book. There were sacrifices there as there were and still are on earth.

Suddenly, she thought of blood and human sacrifices. She panicked and did not want to think anymore. However, she already had a resolution: "Will these little drops of blood be enough hadiths?

Could it be fate that made that lady give me that couple of slaps that left me with these couple of scratches?

And how do I get the blood to you?"

But the doubt didn't last long because he remembered that the ancients killed and blood ran in the earth. The four gods: the sun, the earth, the water, and the wind.

"I hope a few drops will suffice."

Satisfied she reached out and touched something hard. She ran her fingers lower and felt the pages of a book. It was a book lying on the floor under the table. It was the book the maid was reading before she and Marisa came in.

"Something tells me you're hiding something.

I'll miss Marisa's mystery, but yours won't escape me."

She opened the book to a random page because she wanted to see what fate had in store for her (she loved the cliché of the chosen one), as she sat in the lotus position on the table.

However, the page Luz chose was not totally random because she found the page that had a divider made of thin wood with an inscription that read: "BIBLIOTECA RENOVADA" (renewed library).

Luz chose to ignore that it was written in Spanish (her mother taught her Spanish because that was the official language of the town) and went on to read the page.

It talked about the worlds beyond the grave and their relationship with the so-called child geniuses. Supposedly true child geniuses can see beyond the visible, they can see the dead, i.e. ghosts, and interact with them. It depends on their degree of power whether they can control or manipulate the ghosts in some way or another.

On the other page, I was talking about the use of ghosts as technological inputs capable of breaking through any natural barrier. These technology points were something Luz understood almost nothing about. It spoke of things that he had only seen from the children who studied in the only private school in town. Objects she could only daydream about.

She turned to the last page and found something as interesting as it was incomprehensible (but more understandable than the technological part).

It was a photo on which was written in indelible ink on the back in white: "Mission: Use the soul as an input, but first we must find a way to get the soul out of the body (it is in the environment like ghosts)".

Luz thought that if the food could reach the soul, there should also be a way for the soul to go outside.

He couldn't wait any longer and decided to turn to the side of the picture to see the image. For her, it was more important to read first. Lest the maid came back already.

Her heart skipped a beat when she saw the picture of a boy with the same lips she had imagined the boy she had kissed the night that man killed her cat.

Luz had heard his voice near the walls of her house. She just cursed and cursed. Her breathing was all a wheeze. She would have ignored it if it wasn't because that day her father was supposed to send her a ticket to see her favorite fantasy author.

This was because he had told her that one of the ladies he gave the cab service to had given him such a ticket. A week ago her father sent her a picture of the ticket by mail. That Christmas night her dad had assured her that he would bring her the ticket.

The problem was that instead of the ticket she got a letter in the mailbox that said: "You know daughter, with all the pain in my heart, I tell you that I can't give you that ticket because I am a good father and I can't teach you bad things.

Today I met a boy poorer than us and he was looking in a store window at a little racetrack that cost the same as this ticket.

Then, I realized that our luck could change overnight. We are not rich enough to afford to spend just a couple of hours of fun and illusion. You have to be financially savvy. Of course, leave that to me because being a woman you have the typical weaknesses for makeup, clothes, and accessories that with what they cost we could secure an extra week's worth of food.

I think therefore I am, Descartes said, and that is what I want to teach you. You may have the physiognomy of a woman, but you can have the cautious and intelligent mind of a man.

For that to happen, if I have to risk you being annoyed with me for life I will do it. I will sacrifice your affection for me if it means giving you the weapons to survive in this world full of surprises.

This world you have to adapt to and be clear that you can't trust anyone, ever. Least of all those who say nice words to you. We'll talk more when I get back.

It will be a surprise like life itself.

P.S. I resold the ticket to a girl named Margot, as I am poor she didn't give me much, according to her she was only buying from me because I was a poor girl.

For someone poor, it must have been an income from poor hands.

This lesson is your Christmas present.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

I hope you understand that we've earned another week's worth of food.

I love you, your father"

That made him feel terrible anger, as he had never felt before. However, a part of her always told her that her father had a strange way of loving. It was one of those loves that hurt, but it was love without a doubt because he was her father.

She couldn't think otherwise when her mother, whenever she knew the father disappointed her daughter, told her of her father's tragic and depressing existence. That day she added a photo album she had never shown him before. They were the first photos she saw of her father as a baby, then adolescence and youth.

His look had changed dramatically at each stage of his life.

As a baby his gaze was curious, as a teenager, he seemed to be in an oppressive and frustrating disjunction, and in youth, his eyes radiated the plan of eternal masochism.

I am describing as I see it because Luz's opinion is very short and I need long paragraphs to merge my pain. This is because the pain in Luz, as you know, is based on the indifference that people have with her.

Starting at home.

The day went by with Luz trying not to accumulate hatred or rancor. She started running back and forth in the garden, daydreaming. Until she heard her mother playing music, as she always did when she started washing or cooking.

Even though no one was talking to her and she was alone in the garden, she didn't feel so lonely or ignored. The music of the '80s was full of beautiful lyrics and melodies. Each melody exuded a personality of its own. Luz felt that those melodies and their poetry lyrics spoke to her and her mother.

Music always pays attention regardless of the origin or race of any being its sound waves reach.

The words in music were like ointment on the skin. So good for healing.

She danced all day into the night. At times he would try to sing saying "meow". She wanted to sing like a kitten so the cats would know she was here when they wanted to come. She imagined that her mind if she believed it with utmost conviction, some cat would want to give body to the melodies that brought her into existence with her lyrics.

With music, she didn't need to leave to have existed through a character.

With music, she had an existence of her own.

Luz was her own light for as long as her mother's playlist lasted, which she considered to be hers as well.

A kitten came in the night and Luz began to play with her in the small garden. The real illusion ended when Alexis came running away from her father. The discussion brought her back to sadness and she hugged the cat so tightly that she almost drowned it. This is why the cat ran away from Luz and escaped outside.

She could not go after her because her mother prevented her from doing so. Again she felt the hatred running through her spirit. Eating away at him like a rat at the cheese moon of his dreams.

"No!"

She screamed as she ran to the kitchen. She heard the music very low, but her ears could hear even the slightest sound that could save her from the rats devouring her soul.

The mother was too frightened to think of anything but secure all the doors and windows.

That man was a stranger with no emotional control whatsoever. All she could think about was survival and that she wished the father was there to remove the man from the house.

Luz wanted to believe that just like in the song she was listening to, she would find forgiveness.

She saw the shadow of the boy around the house, refusing to go to his father. She thought that surely that boy would have the same look like his father in his childhood.

If she had been there she would have given him the kiss of true love, the most powerful force in the world. Luz needed to believe that the drawings were telling the truth.

Suddenly, she felt the need to live a fantasy of love, to feel inside a drawing for at least a few seconds.

A drawing where forgiveness is transmitted in a kiss. That's why she kissed him.

She saw through the window something of his lips and did not hesitate.

Now she doubts if she is in a safe place.

Something very questionable is that the maid wrote something so revealing behind the picture.

The child in the photo wears a grim expression and is dressed in a hospital gown. The truth is that Luz did not like this child, literally.

She felt fearful and anxious as she tried to understand the pages that talked about technology. The truth is that at home there were only books about psychology, history, and classic fiction.

Partly the doubt as to why the maid was taking so long was beginning to fill her. She needed to eat, she wanted to bite something urgently.

Had the maid lost her way in this former church?

Why was she taking so long?

Had she forgotten her?

Luz decides to put the book back on the floor and discovers a wooden cover. She tried to lift it, but suddenly the image of a landscape with white mountains framed by the moon appeared. However, it was not night. The sky was light blue as in the daytime.

At that instant, a voice coming out of the lid said, "Password, please."

Luz purses her lip. She was never good at guessing. Whenever she failed she felt silly as her father used to tell her: "Silly as a woman, worse, silly as your mother".

But this time it wouldn't be like that, she promised herself.

Her father may break all his promises, but as he says, "You are so much like your mother.

Could it be that I can have her clairvoyant gift too?"

In the last dream she had, she heard a voice as unnatural as the voice she was hearing at that very moment... as the voice of programming.