His Aching Heart

*Nathan's POV*

"Are you still mad?"

"Wag mo ko kausapin."

It's been a day and a half.

Hindi ko manlang kinaya paabutin ng dalawang araw na hindi kami okay.

"Bakit hindi mo kasama yung babae mo?"

"Babae ko?" I failed trying to hold back my laugh. "Babe, you're really jealous."

She looked too serious.

Ni hindi siya makatingin sa'kin.

"Babe, halika nga dito."

I reached for her pero lumayo lang siya.

"Are you really that mad?"

Hindi siya sumagot.

Paano kami magiging okay kung ayaw niya ko kausapin?

"Can you atleast tell me what I did wrong?"

"Hindi mo ba talaga alam??"

"Wala akong maalalang mali na ginawa ko."

"That's the problem, Nathan!" She shouted. "Wala kang ginawa! You left me alone that night remember?"

Hindi niya parin ba makalimutan yun?

"Why do you have to think about it that way? Kailangan niya ng tulong."

"Kailangan din kita."

"Babe, let's be rational naman." I told her. "If I didn't help them, baka may nangyaring masama sa kanya."

"You think I'm not rational enough?"

"That's not what I meant."

"Then what?" She asked. "Why do you even care about her? Akala ko ba wala lang siya sa'yo??"

Akala ko maiintindihan niya.

Umasa akong maiintindihan niya.

"Didn't you see what happened? She couldn't breathe." Sagot ko. "Anong gusto mong gawin ko, hayaan siyang mamatay?"

"I DON'T EVEN CARE IF SHE DIES, NATHAN!" Sigaw niya. "YOU LEFT ME AND THAT'S THE POINT!"

"..."

"Alam mong takot akong mawala ka." Sabi niya. "You promised na hindi mo na ko iiwan diba? But you still left and chose her over me..."

Is that what she was thought? Kaya siya ganito??

"Babe, hindi yun ganun.."

"I have no other way to see it."

I wanted to hug her.

But there's too much tension.

I understood her point pero ako ba naintindihan niya?

"Why can't you just trust me? Why do you have to doubt me everytime?"

"Dahil binibigyan mo ko ng rason para isiping mawawala ka."

"At anong rason yun? Si Theia?"

Siya ba talaga yung dahilan kaya takot na takot siya??

"I chose you, Ivy. Over my family and friends." I said. "Kung hindi parin yun sapat, ano pa bang gusto mong gawin ko para magtiwala ka sa'kin? What more do I have to lose just to gain your trust?"

Because of the way she acts, I'm starting to doubt her too.

"Hanggang kailan ba tayo magiging ganito?"

It's tiring.

Ang dami kong iniisip.

Napapagod na ko.

"I have my own reasons to doubt you pero pinili ko parin pagkatiwalaan ka." I said. "Why can't you do the same for me?"

Hanggang kailan ko ba dapat patunayan yung sarili ko sa'yo?

"I'm sorry kung sa tingin mo iniwan kita. I have no intentions of letting you feel that way."

I walked away from her.

If you can't even trust me, how can I continue doing the same for you?

"But that's impossible."

"No, Nathan." Sagot niya. "Look."

Hinarap niya ulit sa'kin yung phone niya.

"Diba ito yung dress na nakita mo?"

"But--"

"Listen." She said. "Nung araw na naaksidente ka, that was my sister's death anniversary. She's Ivy's mother."

Tita zoomed out the picture she showed me earlier.

It's really her.

Ivy.

"I couldn't come with them that time so Ysa sent me a photo instead."

"T-that's impossible." Ulit ko. "There might be someone else who has the same dress, Tita."

"But that's too much of a coincidence, Nathan." Sagot niya. "Pinasakay mo siya sa kotse diba? And she's one of the people around you who you can offer a ride to."

"..."

It's true.

"Kung tama lahat ng iniisip ko, we can definitely say that she's with you before the accident."

"Should we ask her?"

Umiling siya. "If I was right, then what she asked me before was to confirm na hindi ka makakaalala.."

Tita probably saw the confusion on my face kaya nagsalita siya ulit.

"Pinuntahan niya ko before you got discharged, Nathan." She explained. "Nagtanong siya kung okay lang na hindi mo maalala.."

What??

Bakit niya kailangan itanong yun?

"Do you trust my niece, Nathan?"

Of course..

I do.. right?

"No matter how much you trust her, you can't let her know anything about this." Sabi niya. "Kailangan mo itago hangga't hindi pa natin nalalaman yung totoo."

Naniniwala pa ko nung una.

Now, I'm starting to doubt you too.

I can't trust my memories anymore.

***

"Nathan, if you're not okay, umuwi ka nalang."

"I'm fine." Sagot ko. "Kailangan ko din dumaan sa school para sa toga."

"Sigurado ka?"

"Yup. Thanks, Ate."

I've been debating whether or not to continue what I was doing. Pagkatapos nung paguusap namin ni Ivy, I regretted leaving her that way.

Ayaw ko na ulit makipag-away sa kanya.

So I had to decide.

The truth is, I'm in front of their house.

Wala ako sa bahay. Hindi rin masama yung pakiramdam ko.

I asked that favor from Ate.

Although I couldn't imagine her lying to Kuya Alec, I knew she succeeded nung nakita kong may lumabas na kotse mula sa bahay nila.

"Nate!"

I ditched them earlier.

Pero paano niya nagagawang ngitian parin ako?

"Anong oras ka dumating?" She asked. "Nakapagpa-picture ka na ba?"

"Yup. Actually kakatapos ko lang."

"Are you going home? Gusto mo ba sumabay sa'min ni Charm?"

"May gusto sana ako sabihin kaya pinapunta kita dito."

"What is it?"

"I'm sorry, Theia."

"For what?"

Sa lahat.

"Dahil ba sa kanina? Ayos lang." Sabi niya. "I thought something happened to you kaya tumawag pa kami kay Ate Naomi. I'm glad you're okay."

Bakit ganun?

Nag-aalala parin siya sa'kin pagkatapos ng mga nagawa ko sa kanya..

"I'm sorry..."

"Why do you keep apologizing? Wala ka naman ginawang masama."

Kailangan ko na sabihin para maintindihan niya.

I took a deep breath. "Let's stop, Theia."

"What?"

"Let's stop this."

"W-what do you mean..?"

"Ivy doesn't want me to do this, Theia."

"Y-un din ba yung gusto mo..?"

I don't know..

"I can't lose her." Sagot ko. "Muntik na kaming maghiwalay noon."

"It wasn't Nicole's fault." She said. "Ivy didn't realize how much you needed her that time. She chose to leave without even considering what you were going through."

"Theia--"

"Nate."

She smiled at me.

"If ending this will make you happy, I will gladly give you your happiness. Tigilan na natin 'to."

Hindi ko maintindihan.

This was my decision.

This is what I wanted, right?

Pero nung tumalikod siya sa'kin, biglang sumakit yung puso ko.

******