Chapter 20: Charm Bracelet

Dear Diary

Marijuana.

A substance I thought people taking was the most pathetic thing, is now something I cannot stop thinking about.

I passed out last night, woke up this morning laying on top of Mona's bed, then immediately ran to her restroom where I dry heaved for what felt like hours.

I have never felt so dirty in all my life. I could still smell it on my clothes and felt the dry heaviness on my tongue. As I set there laying my face on the white toilet bowl I did much reflecting on last night.

Not only did I go to a party with my best friend where I knew drugs and alcohol would be, but I smoked a few joints with a complete and total stranger. A stranger who although did not hurt me, certainly could have. I chanced stopping the demon but still put myself in danger.

After Mona woke up, angry and hurt by my actions last night, she let me shower, change into some of her old clothes and dropped me off at home. She mumbled a few words to me, but other than that, all I received was angry stares and huffs of annoyance.

Now as I sit in the same sturdy desk chair as I always do when writing in my diary, I wonder for a brief moment if all I needed was a night out of not being Jolie, or if the demon isn't nearly as finished with me.

Something tells me I should focus on the latter.

- - - - -

"Bout time you came down Jo, was starting to wonder if my now adult child was still living here." Mom laughs at dad's joke as I make my way downstairs. I try to chuckle, but it comes out more like I stumped my toe.

I feel like if I speak, even for just a moment, they will sense me being off. I don't plan on telling my parents or Chrissy what exactly I got up to last night, so knowing they might smell it on me has my body shaking.

"She's only been eighteen for a few hours." Chrissy says while rolling her eyes.

The three of them are each sitting on the couch watching a movie. Its Sunday and part of our ritual on Sundays was always movie marathons. I hate that I no longer feel like I fit in that tradition.

"What are you all watching?"

"Your sister and mom wanted to watch frozen for the four hundredth time." This time it's dad that rolls his eyes. I laugh at his antics and relish in how amazing it feels to laugh with my family.

I decide before I give Brian his well-deserved phone call, to hang out with my family. We finish watching frozen while munching on mom's famous sweet empanadas and laugh at dad as he sings the let it go song. For a man that hates the movie as passionately as he proclaimed, he sure did know all the sayings and songs.

"I'm glad you decided to sit and hang out with us Jo." Chrissy says. Mom ran into the kitchen to refill on snacks and dad went to help out.

I look over to my younger sister and see so much of me in her. Well, who I used to be. Her innocence is all consuming as her large brown eyes focus intently on mine. I can see a small amount of sorrow and pity in her them, but I also notice some persistence. She isn't going to let me slack off as a person, and I appreciate that in her.

"Me too." My thoughts shift from her to the demon, whom has yet to make an appearance since I smoked last night.

"Jo?" I snap out of my thoughts and see my mom hovering over me. "You going to answer your phone mija?" She jerks her chin towards the staircase and I stand up to head to my room and retrieve it.

I look at the screen with confusion as I see not only has Brian been calling me but so has his mother. I look through my messages but don't see any but do see a new voicemail. I sit down on my bed and contemplate listening to it. Brian will be upset at the way I not only left his home yesterday asking for space from him but didn't answer his calls from last night or this morning. I blow out a deep breath, telling my inner brat that he's still my boyfriend and deserves more. I press the button and listen to his voice fill the speakers of my phone.

"Hey Jolie, it's me. I-. uh-. was wondering if you wanted to see me today. I mean, you don't have to, I just-...shit, I hate this babe. I miss you, and I hate how we left things yesterday. Just do me a favor, call me when you can. We don't have to talk much, and you don't have to see me today, I just want to know you're okay. I love you."

My nose stings and my eyes water as I end the voicemail and save it in my archives. This has been hard for me. Ever since prom I have no idea what I am doing, where I belong, or who I am, but Brian has always made me feel safe and protected. The moment he no longer did, I ran away from him like he was just another person in my life.

I take a deep breath then press the call button under Brian's name. It rings a few times, and I worry that I will get his voicemail, but then I hear his voice on the other end sounding out of breath.

"Jolie?"

"Um, hi. You busy?"

"No, well, not really. I'm outside in the backyard, playing basketball."

"Oh, sorry to bother you." I shrink back, hating how uncomfortable we are with each other.

"You could never bother me Jo. I'm really glad you called. I wanted to apologize about yesterday. I shouldn't have made it about me."

"You didn't Brian. With everything that's happened. You have always made it about me. I meant what I said yesterday, I just needed some space." I cringe when I think about laying down with a perfect stranger smoking weed all night. If the tables were turned, I would have been more than upset with Brian's choice of night.

"I know that. Mom talked to me after you left and told me that I needed to back the fuck off."

"Your mom's getting vulgar with her teenaged language."

"Right, I was like, whoa mom, calm down with all that razzmatazz." I laugh at our common banter that somehow lifts my spirits. I may be broken but it looks like Brian is able to find my shattered fragile pieces.

"I don't know how I will ever face her again, I just ran out of there last night without saying a word to her. She went out of her way and did all that stuff for me, and I didn't even say thank you." Shame creeps over my shoulder and I turn quickly when I feel the small flutters of darkness that I know the demon lurks in.

"She doesn't care about that stuff Jo. She's like me, just glad you're alright. Dad and Jonathan too."

"I know, but I still feel bad." I also feel bad for lying to him, but I won't get into that right now.

"There is a way you can make it up you know." I smile at the playfulness in his voice. He usually says things like that right before he asks for a kiss to make his boo boo better.

"Oh yeah? And what would that be?" I cross my legs and sit up in my bed. How I've missed being able to sit and talk with him like this.

"Open you door and find out." I look quickly at my door blinking a few times confused by what I heard. "Open your door babe."

I jump off my bed, phone still in hand pressed firmly to my cheek and walk over to my closed white wooden door. I take a deep breath, praying this is not the demon playing a trick on me, but when I open it I leap into Brian's arms. Our phones fall to the ground, still connected to each other as he steers me further into my room.

"What are you doing here? I thought you were playing basketball."

"I know. The truth is, I was already on my way over to see you. I know you told me to give you some space but I had to see you babe. I hated how we left things last night." I relish in his love for me and lean forward to kiss him.

His lips press firmly against mine as I lift my arms around his neck and deepen it. So far, this day has given me some peace and I want to take it all in. For however long I have until the pain comes roaring back into my mind, I want to live in the right now. Brian's hands come around the dip in my back and rubs his thumbs against the small amount of skin between my shirt and pants.

I hear a throat clear from behind Brian and break apart from his warm embrace. Dad stands there with his large arms crossed at his chest smirking at our make out session. He lifts his eyebrows in the air when Brian turns his way as well, then shakes his head and walks away.

"Sorry, guess I got a little carried away." I say watching dad walk down the stairs.

"It was my fault. I wore the cologne you said you always loved on me." I giggle when he wiggles his eyebrows.

Brian lifts his hand to my face, then waits for me to come the rest of the way. I close my eyes, satisfied when I still don't see the demon in my head, then open my eyes back at him. His face looks serious as if trying to solve the mystery of our relationship.

"Come with me." I tilt my head sideways.

"Damn you're cute when you do that. I want to take you out. Will you let me? I haven't even given you your gift yet."

"How about I do you one more, let's go to your house. I kind of want to apologize to your family anyway."

"Jo, I already told you that you don't need to apologize, but if that's what you want, then we can go now." I lean in once more and kiss his lips.

Things are finally looking up and I don't plan on giving in to the demon ever again. Although I hate the measure I took to get rid of him, I am happy I can finally begin to heal.

Brian leads me down the stairs where we say goodnight to my parents whom are snuggling on the couch. I look over to the armchair and notice Chrissy passed out then laugh when I see my parents are yet again watching another Disney animated movie.

"Oh man, I love the Incredibles." I pull Brian's arm right before he could sit down next to a now snoring Chrissy and head to the front door.

I love my crazy family.

- - - - -

"Jolie, what a nice surprise." Sharon says as Brian helps me out of his car. We went to dinner first before coming here where he treated me to some delicious Italian cuisine.

"Thanks, I asked Brian to bring me here, hope that's kay?" I claps my hands in front of me, relaxing only slightly when I feel Brian's hand come around my midsection.

"You are always welcome here sweetheart. Come on in, I just took some fresh lemon bars out of the oven." Brian and I follow her into the kitchen where Jonathan is stuffing his face with at least three lemon bars.

"Jonathan Riley Davis, you stop eating those at once." Brian and I share a laugh as Sharon chases him out of the kitchen,

"Want to come up to my room. I have your surprise upstairs."

"Is that your pickup line?"

"For you? No way. I don't need one. Apparently a nice dose of cologne and your salivating at my feet." I throw my head back and laugh at him then punch him in his arm. Brian pretends to be injured, even though I know it did absolutely nothing to his muscle, then leads me upstairs.

Brian leaves the door open while heading straight to his desk. He opens one of his drawers and pulls out a long black velvet box. I blink a few times, knowing this gift is going to be one of the extravagant kinds.

"Brian-"

"I know, I know what you're thinking but c'mon babe, you haven't even seen it, give it a chance." I nod my head, satisfied that Brian knows me well enough to know that I would hate it if he got me a gift I wasn't comfortable with the amount he presumably spent on it.

I take a seat on his bed and Brian lays the box onto of my lap. I sit there for a few moments simply staring at it. I don't know why I don't want to open it, it's a gift from my boyfriend for my eighteenth birthday, simple. Only it doesn't feel that way. The guilt I have for hiding what I really did last night is like a tornado in my mind trying to escape.

"I don't deserve this." I whisper but apparently, he hears me and places his hand over mine still laying on the bed, afraid to touch such beauty. I haven't even opened it and I already know that it's beautiful.

"You do Jolie. You deserve this and so much more. Now open it, I'm getting antsy." I look over to him and give him a small smile.

Gripping the box in my hand, I use my thumb to pop it open and gasp as soon as I glace at what is inside.

A charm bracelet.

There are several charms that go around the thick silver-plated chain link that ends with a lobster claw hook. It sparkles as I lift it out of the box and move it around to get a better look at the charms that already take place in each pendants space.

A car, a phone, what looks to be a book, an hour glass, a stethoscope, and a shoe.

Brian leans in with a smile to his face and lift the bracelet out of hand and unclasps the chain. I lay my arm down on his lap so that he can put it on me.

"You can add or take charms away anytime you want, but I thought you might want to know why I picked these five." I nod my head, too afraid that my voice will be too husky for words as I fight away the tears threatening to fall.

"The car, I was hoping was obvious-." He finishes clasping the bracelet, its heavy weight pushed my arm down as I lift my hand up to look closer at the tiny car Brian is waiting on me to acknowledge.

"The first time I told you yes?"

"It was raining, and I saw you walking home and offered you a ride, and instead of saying your usual no and get lost, you told me something I would never forget. You said that you don't want to keep hurting my pride by telling me you're not interested in me, you just didn't want to complicate your life." I stare at Brian remembering the day well myself. I was soaked and didn't want to walk home but knew I had no choice because my car was broken down and dad hadn't gotten around to fixing it yet.

"See Jo. Even when someone good looking is being persistent and kind of a tool, you were still thinking of everyone but yourself. So, this car, is a token of my appreciation for rainy days. My appreciation for someone telling me they care about me, more than themselves." The tears fall as I lean in to kiss Brian's lips. They are soft and a little salty from my tears caressing both sets of lips and when I lean back I smile at him.

"What's the phone?" I ask, now wanting to know each and every one of them.

"The phone is kind of more for me than for you." He says sheepishly. "You were so adamant about me not having your number that when you finally caved and gave it to me, I felt like the king of the world." I laugh a little then look at the next charm.

"A book?"

"Your diary. I know you write in it every day, and I know it's not something you have never shown me, but I love how passionate you are for something your grandmother gave you. I love how much you cherish it and protect it with your words." Another salty kiss connects my lips to his. I had no idea he paid that much attention. I don't ever remember telling him it was a gift from my grandmother, but somehow, he knew.

"The hour glass is more of a metaphor. I don't want us to end. Ever. And I want you to know that I don't put an actual time to how long we have been together. The day I met you, I was in love, and I know how unbelievable that sounds, but it's the truth. You are my forever Jo."

I almost can't take the rest of the charms, but he moves on to the next one, the stethoscope, which is something he tells me he loves that I want to do. I don't tell him that I have been thinking about changing my major, I don't want to ruin the perfect moment we have together.

"The shoe is a little harder to explain." This time Brian breaks our embrace and stands up to pace. "I wanted to give you something that would show you that even through the ugly times, I will always love you. This shoe is like the one you wore for prom."

My brain stops. I stop functioning and immediately look down to the charm shaped like a heel. I don't remember my shoes coming off that night but when they took me in the ambulance they were no longer on my feet.

"I don't want you to look at that charm and see ugly. I want you to look at it and be proud of how far you've come. It may be too soon, and I would understand if you wanted to remove it but know that when I think back on that night, what happened to you isn't on the front of my mind. The way we danced and laughed, how much Mona had to pee because of that god-awful punch she drank, even the part where Mrs. Dorton came and danced the jig with me. I loved it all. The night ended terrible, but believe it or not, I fell more in love you that night."

I rush over to him and hold him. We hold each other for god knows how long while my tears run down my cheeks. I love him, now more than ever, and I hope this sensation never goes away.