Ch. 72 A glance behind to walk forward

Dumbledore was able to quickly get me the data from that old demons experiments. I'm guessing people have a hard time stopping the man when he actually wants to do something.

'Maybe all those ridiculous titles have some uses after all.' I thought has I held the documents. 'Alright I've got a promise to keep to him and myself, let's get started.'

But as I studied the journals my stomach turned. The man was absolutely mad. Ravings about helping the dark lord, strengthening the lord, improving his followers, sacrificing any amount of filth to pave his path. The man was insane. I thought only Bellatrix and Crouch Jr. had this level of devotion to the man, but it seemed I was wrong. This was true worship and every page contained his thoughts.

'The dark lord has seen my work. He believes as I do, that they are the true future of magic.'

'My lords ritual was another success. He has gained even more strength through his sacrifice of giants. Another excellent step forward to make the ultimate wizard.'

'Hahaha! The lord has finally reached that old fool Dumbledore's level. He took nearly three decades less than the senile bastards.'

'The lords strength is unmatched! He strikes fear into all now. Those filths in the ministry, rejecting my work and brilliance, Ha! My lord showed them what true power requires. He is the only one true enough to magic to want to go further!'

'Finally! Finally the lord has recognized me as a trusted servant! I can stand at his side! He's given me that gift! Me! The one people had dismissed and despised for my ideas and goals! I've become the hand of the most powerful wizard in history!'

'The lord has granted me an opportunity, given me the chance to do his great work. He wants to become more. He doesn't want to be compared to the likes of Dumbledore. He wants to leave him in the dust! He trusts me. He knows my devotion. He trusts my skills. I now have the honor of creating my lords next ritual. I will not fail him! I will make him a god amongst men!'

'The lord has assured my safety, truly a just lord. He's ordered the others to bring test subjects and materials to me at the Lestrange manor. I will begin my true research soon. The research I failed to complete because those old fools in the ministry kept finding me! All those years of running and hiding. I will give my lord the strength to kill them all! Make them kneel in front of me, either begging or dead!'

'So much progress. Finally a good use out of mudblood filth. Being useful to their betters. For once they are helping magic take steps towards its ultimate goal.'

'I've finally deciphered what kind of ritual my lords body would accept: beast empowerment. The Whampus cat is said to

be one of the most dangerous magical creatures in the world. It will make my lord untouchable. The greatest legilimens to ever live, given the gifts of the creature! He will make anyone he wishes bend in fear before his very gaze!'

'Useless mudblood trash! None of them can handle my genius! What is the use of bringing so many inferiors when the lord he so far above them! I need better quality.'

'The lord granted me my request. A child. From noble descent, seemed to have already been magically endowed. A little genius in the future he should've have been. If only his stupid father and mudblood mother didn't fight the great lord. He might have become such a faithful servant after the bitch was slaughtered like the animal she is.'

'I've done everything I can. If the boy doesn't live I will need adult volunteers. The children aren't worthy of my genius.'

'It worked! The boy lived! He absorbed everything the Whampus cat offered. It's strength, defenses, unyielding spirit, eyes and power. His power exploded, but he didn't. I need to study him. To train him to be loyal to the lord. A weapon of his will. That is what he shall become.'

'Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why did the eyes not work?! He should be perfect! But he is blind! My perfect work is ruined! I need to know why!'

'The boy is resilient, but it makes it fun to break him. To have such a bloodline at my mercy is intoxicating. I remember that bitch Amelia hunting me before I met the lord. Oh how I relish being able to play with her kin. His screams are wonderful to hear. I sometimes bring him up, just to relieve some stress.'

'No other test subjects have even survived the ritual after the boy. Everyone of them implodes from the magical energy. I asked the lord to find me more gifted magical children, and he is willing to give me some half-bloods. The boys survival proved the ritual is worth it. Strength far beyond his age. Resistance to physical and magical attacks. It's almost like cutting through tough hide rather than skin, but it lets me really slash the boy without fear his death. Improved recovery. Explosive upgrade in magical power. If only he could see! He would be perfect!'

'No no no no no no no! The dark lord cannot be defeated by an infant! That is not possible! I know he lives! Waiting for his loyal servants to find him! I will bring him back! I will make a ritual to make him the immortal he is!'

'Unicorns are only a stop gap measure, not a true rebirth. It seems I need to use the only known immortal species. I need a Phoenix. Difficult, but with my success the lord will never supposedly fall again. He will always be.'

'We've found an egg. But now those dogs of the ministry are on our tail. I must not fail. They cannot stop me from bringing the lord back!'

'I have found the way to force the egg to make a person go through a rebirth! They shall be reborn completely cleansed. As perfect as they can be. Time to begin the test.'

'All failures! None of the trash even had ashes left! The only one left is the boy. He his stronger! He is resilient. He will survive again! I can feel it!'

That was the last entry from his personal journal. Guess he didn't have time to write down anything before he was taken down by the Aurors. The fucking bastard deserved so much worse than Azkaban.

But the flaw which is currently affecting me is that he wanted to infuse the spirit of the Whampus cat. But he also wanted to bend me to the will of his lord. It was a foolish decision, but in his twisted mind I'm guessing he wanted to create a devoted soldier. Someone who is unendingly loyal once broken in. But it is now making me fight against those trying to challenge me on an instinctual level. It means that when I experienced his so called 'rebirth', everything that hadn't clicked into place from the first ritual could then fit perfectly as intended. So I received my eyes and the spirit of the beast.

Luckily for me though, is that the demon didn't expect the Phoenix to hatch through the ritual as well and bond our lives together. From what I understand, it shared its essence with me in that moment and suppressed the violent and animalistic tendencies in favor of the serene behavior phoenixes possess, while keeping the focused and determined aspects of my predator side.

I had a few thoughts on the subject and I decided to dive into them quickly.

I ordered book after book on everything I could find about Phoenixes and Whampus cats. I would know them inside and out. I've also asked the Headmaster about his own extensive experience with Fawkes as a reference point and took a lot of time observing Sol. It did make me feel better when she was around, calmer.

'I might need to carry her around more until I can get a handle on things.' I thought to myself when trying to beat this dilemma.

But my time was well spent. It doesn't happen often anymore that I single-mindedly focus on one project. I've even pushed aside my mastery projects because nothing is more important than this right now.

Dumbledore was even willing to go a step further and provide me with books on rituals that had been taken out of the library and some he obtained for me. I was really grateful to the man for his help, because my progress was explosive without the delays. I was calculating theories and possibilities with a fervor. I was trying to balance myself out again because puberty did throw me off. It mainly because of the more aggressive nature found in men, as it resonated with the predatory instincts hidden deep in me, letting it affect my subconscious decisions.

I am not at all excusing my behavior though. Even if it was influenced, it was still my actions. The only times I didn't really regret my choices was when I spoke to Dumbledore and the Dursley's regarding their treatment of Harry. But I've felt that I was too harsh on Ronald and the Seventh year Slytherin prefect who's name was Troy Yaxley, from a sacred twenty-eight family.

I actually decided to apologies to the guy, even if it makes me look weak in front of him and end up with me getting challenged. So after a prefect meeting, I decided to talk to him.

"Troy, I would like to talk to you about what happened in the train last month." I spoke to him calmly.

"What about it." He asked with bravado, but I could see clear signs of him being nervous. Twitching body, increased eye activity, quicker breath, forming perspiration and higher pitched voice.

"I want to apologize for my behavior and extreme words. You were justifiably upset at someone younger and seemingly weaker or less experienced than you being in charge and I irrationally lashed out at you against my better judgment. So I am sorry." I sincerely said to the teen.

He didn't seem to expect that from me, not after my display of power and authority. It was simply because like I said before, Slytherin has had a might makes right policy for a while now. To many in the house, what i did should be expected of a leader. Showing pure power to oppress opposition.

"Look Aedan. I'm not sure if I should really be angry at you because of that." He started of awkwardly. "Because even though the words were shocking and infuriating at the time, they were right. I never thought about what I wanted to be really. I never gave a thought at what my old man taught me or what I wanted to do with my life. I may be a jerk, but I'm not brainless like a lot of my house. If I was I wouldn't be a prefect." He said with wry smile to himself.

"But I still went way too far. So if you want to challenge me for the position I'm sure we can come up with a fair competition to prove my qualifications." I offered to make up for my behavior.

"Nah. You gave me a lot to think about. It's my last year here and I want to figure some stuff out. But you're doing fine. You've been policing things and actually have been reducing some of the extreme behavior from all the houses. I know you don't do favoritism, so I'll believe you for now. But thanks for stepping up like that." He answered with a sigh in his voice.

"Thank you for that Troy. I hope I can build on it and not make everything get worse. I hope we can have a productive year together then." I said as I put me hand out in front of him.

"Same to you Bones. Hope everything goes well." He replied as he gripped it and shook my hand.