Anxiety Incarnate

Out of all the days there is, it has to be today. A day when I have to face a massive audience.

The wind is breezing extra cold. Twice is missing Mina, appearing as 8. And DANIEL is trending worldwide. Expectedly in the comments, people are talking loud typing in their concerns. Not missing the opportunity to include JIHYO, of course.

What now? What will they think and say about me?

"Sana ssi", Jihyo calls to her partner in a professional tone.

"Hmm?" Sana is sensing the coldness.

"Today… Is the time now—still precious?" Jihyo asks in a daze.

It was just yesterday when Sana spoke of securing words. Today, the same set is turned into a question becoming an expression of insecurity. Nonetheless, the validity of the question can't be ignored. The noise is loud. The pain is agonizing. Her worries are suffocating.

Is the time now still precious even when it's cruel?

Her best friend Jeongyeon comes in and snaps it out between them as the show is about to start.

[his Gf must be so worried!! ☹]

[Daniel needs Jihyo right now]

This is the noise that the world is making.

Even so, the girls strut on the red carpet as they would. Jihyo is at the far end trailing behind Sana and Jeongyeon. There's no turning back. This happens today, not yesterday nor tomorrow. No time to breathe nor meditate. Showing up is the only option. Well, it IS better than hiding.

A little panning away from the camera can stir up comments. At least by showing up, Jihyo gets distracted of the punishing weather and the lady MC in an off-shoulder gown beside her freezing. The leader, even in her own current anxious state, offers warm compassionate hand.

"Hana, deul, set…" The MCs ask Twice to express love to the viewers. Sana and Jeongyeon fused their gestures into a heart. The latter encouragingly smiles to the leader. Jihyo adjusts accordingly.

Twice's red carpet ends. One down, a whole show proper to go. Jihyo is pacing. Yet as soon as reaching the backstage, she excuses herself to the washroom. Sana too, falls out the line and accompanies her.

In the waiting room, the rest of the girls have their own ways to cope with this pressing situation. As the leader's best friend, Jeongyeon couldn't help feeling fidgety that she's trying to downplay it by NoJam humor.

"Hah, my dongsaeng must be psychic! She saw it gonna lead to this crazy shit!"

"Ugh, why now?! Of all days!!" Nayeon blurts out.

"Well, Jihyo unnie has been suffering EVEN WHEN she has us. So, him breaking down so soon isn't farfetched." Chaeyoung shrugs.

"Yeah but, still. TODAY?! This is unbelievable", Dahyun is rendered speechless seconding Nayeon's sentiment.

"Dahyun-ie, it's easy to be kind when you're in a good place. In one's worst condition, not everyone could be as considerate as Jihyo unnie." Wise words from the most maknae Tzuyu. Certainly, with a tinge of savagery.

"Araseo, let's give the benefit of the doubt then." Dahyun conditions herself by saying, "He must not be doing this on purpose. I mean, he wouldn't know the effect towards Jihyo unnie as there isn't ANY communication at all."

"Exactly. So, we don't have the right to demand some courtesy of informing us. That apparently, the guy is already on the edge." Chaeng presents her phone to her hyung with tabs opened to Daniel's alarming messages.

"The irony of us advocating mental health since Mina. Then there's him linked as Jihyo's guy leaving such messages. Err, think I'm also gonna be sick." Jeong murmurs.

"Not you, too?!" Nayeon says as she tucks hair behind ear, hands on waist.

This situation calls for team effort. The speeches of Jihyo, who's distressed at the moment, are passed to Jeongyeon. For the sake of surviving this day, the unnie would want the rest to 'get it together'. Nayeon, the usual proponent of chaos is now trying to contain it.

"Unnie, me three." Momo is already feeling her tummy.

The oldest sighs as she sees their situation slipping out of control. Nayeon tells her "Mianhae Momo-yah~ But with Sana tending to Jihyo every now and then, you'll have to be the one to deliver the Japanese speeches."

What Nayeon says, Momo does. She does so without puberty fit. An attitude that challenges god Jihyo herself. Nayeon may not be the leader but she is THE unnie. For Momo, it merits her loyalty.

Show proper. Twice receives their first award for the evening. Jeong grabs the mic and goes for it, "One in a million! Annyeonghaseyo, Twice imnida!"

They notice another hurdle—the dome's acoustic resonance. It's difficult to hear themselves. Though a bit shaky, Jeongyeon delivers their gratitude. She even twirls while saying, "We will turn this award over to Once!"

Once… Once…

Each word echoes one after the other. And as the sound resonates, it's lost to the loud crowd of 50,000. This is mimicking the worst thoughts of Jihyo from yesterday's rehearsal.

How could Jihyo expect Once and the rest of the world to comprehend when their voices get drowned like this?

Getting chills and palms sweating, something within her is hurting. As much as the leader has to show up, Jihyo excuses herself again. When Sana is about to stand, she clutches her down. The leader tells her, "Don't follow."

"Wae?" Sana asks. Jihyo leaves without response. The rest of the girls turn to Sana wanting to know what's up. But the Japanese is just as confused.

Sooner, Twice is called back up as they win another. Since Jihyo hasn't returned, they receive it as 7. While cameras on Nayeon and Momo giving speech, Jeongyeon and Sana are at the other end gritting teeth to flash smiles. Momo with hand on ear struggles. The girls just laugh it off.

Returning to seat, Jeongyeon ventriloquizes "We're doing okay, right?"

"Having to ask that doesn't seem like it", Sana answers. She sighs, "Jihyo is taking so long. She didn't want me to follow. She's dealing with it by herself."

Nayeon sits beside them. The unnie gets to know of their worries. She then makes a point knocking them some sense, "She needs that much time. Seems she didn't let you as it would make us appear fewer.

People are probably already talking about her missing. Keep smiling. This time, let's become the distraction covering for her."

They try to do so. Jeongyeon herself, however, is distracted of everything. She mixes up her lines and eventually becomes tongue-tied. Unnie Nayeon takes the mic saving Jeongyeon from the panic.

"Gwaenchana?" Chaeng turns to her hyung.

"I don't know anymore", Jeong waves hand while covering face as she laughs to herself. The girls brush it off as well by giggling. They have to keep going despite the chaos. They have to be okay even when their leader is not.

Twice receives another trophy. Chaeyoung delivers the speech this time. As the brilliant rebel, her bravery enables her to finish without trouble. As soon as done, they head backstage and find Jihyo wrapped in blanket. They also notice that underneath it, she has already changed into the stage outfit.

"Jihyo-yah", Sana bends down and clings to the other's knee.

"You have to hurry up changing Sana-yah", a calmer Jihyo says.

A little change in tone convinces Sana that Jihyo is gonna go back despite. Perhaps, this is what Jihyo is referring to. Her way of fighting. Park Jihyo, Twice leader, Sana's Jihyo… has to return soon.

Else, people will have more excuse to link her name to Daniel. All their efforts in disowning the dating news though so far, a flop, will go down the drain. Most importantly, their stage performance is coming up.

Indeed, it is rehearsed as 8. But still, it is prepared as 9 as Mina made a poetic voiceover on the intro of this Feel Special RnB mix. In addition, there's an exclusive dance break as they transition to Fancy.

Lastly, there's a camerawork panning to 3 subunits supposedly having 3 members each. They're already missing Mina. If Jihyo were to backout suddenly, a member will be all alone in a frame.

That's gonna be Momo. All the more the leader wouldn't want to back down. Other than being puberty twins throwing fit to each other, this formidable individual has a couple ring with her partner.

The time now is precious is engraved on it.

Jihyo gotta admit, there's something to be learned from the competition. The stage now—there's no other like it. So, for now, she is singing even though she's having difficulty breathing. For now, she is dancing even though she's feeling cold and wobbly.

Being with the girls like this makes her forget all the troubles that she's able to show up for the rest of the evening. If only such moments of emancipation would last.

Back in the hotel, the girls are giving hugs to each other wishing everyone a good night. Sana asks Jihyo if she could crash her room again. The leader yawns saying, "Don't baby me too much. I'll be alright. I'm too tired to even worry."

"O-kay then. You know, you may call me instantly. Right? For anything", Sana reminds her partner.

Jihyo nods.

The next day, there are no calls registered. It seems the leader was able to sleep soundly. Sana breathes and stretches to a good morning. The Japanese comes knocking to her partner's door excitedly, "Jihyo-yah let's have breakfast!"

No answer. She rings her. It's taking long but she's waiting. Soon, their manager bumps into her at the hallway, "Oh! Sana ssi, you're here? Didn't she tell you?"

Hand drops upon hearing, "Jihyo has gone back to Korea."