Slave of the Past

Chapter 10

ALEXA ROHAN

I dragged my feet back home but when I entered the house, no one's in there.

Glancing at the wall clock, it was already two hours past noon.

I groaned and headed to the kitchen to eat something and fill my complaining stomach.

As I was chewing, I again entered the state of zoning out.

Like what I did in the forest, ideas were jumbled like electrical wires in my head and in addition to the chaos, there's Reika's complains too.

I didn't know how long I spent overthinking as I sit by the kitchen counter when Ma came home. She immediately walked towards me with an upset expression.

"Why did you ran away Alexa?"

I groaned while putting down the fork in my hand, "I don't want a mate Ma and I don't want her," I said firmly.

"For goodness sweety, the Moon Goddess has chosen her for you," Ma insisted.

"And I'm not accepting her Ma, she's a girl," I reasoned, my tone raised.

Ma inhaled deeply then chewed the inside of her cheek. She stared at me for a while like contemplating something then she sighed.

"Having the same gender for a mate isn't uncommon Alexa."

'ugh'

'here we go'

I rubbed my forehead while shutting my eyes, "She's a weakling Ma," I uttered in a clinched jaw.

"She'll get better through the bond," Ma pressed on, frustration was evident in her voice.

"And what about me Ma?"

"What if she'll pull me down to conjure that balance of mates?"

"That's the point sweetheart," Ma countered.

"...what if—"

"You will never know, unless you try baby."

"And 'what if' she'll unravel strength you didn't know you even have?"

"Take a chance."

"Stop being scared and go for it— ."

"... and you know what's more scarier?"

"It's not about becoming weak or failing, it's about not trying then live a life of regret after."

'damn'

That hit me hard down to the marrows of my bones. I think the wisdom of the old is scarier than all those.

'ahem'

But seriously though, Ma's words got me silent and meek but—

... but just for a while, when the next words she uttered hit a nerve in mine.

"Your mate would be your companion in your lifetime sweetheart."

"She would be someone you can always lean on."

"You don't always have to be strong baby, it's okay to be weak sometimes and learn to receive others compassion."

"We are not born to live alone in this world."

'wow'

I huffed and forced a sarcastic laugh then went hysterical.

"It is never okay to be weak Ma!" I snapped, pushing back my chair.

"You are telling me this because you've never experience what I did—"

".. when I just watch my parent's throat being ripped apart in front of me."

"...when I just watch how the enemy took their last breath away."

"... when I just lay there watching because I was being weak!"

"Tell me—"

".. when is being weak okay Ma?"

I scoffed, "You'll never understand the horror that I'd been through," my voice cracked and tears started falling.

"No one will ever will," by then, I walked away from the muted Luna and trod the steps up to my room.

[*********]

Reaching my room, I was greeted by the domineering presence of the Alpha.

He was standing, looking outside the window with his palms clasped in his back.

I entered and closed the door of my soundproof bedroom that not even a werewolf's heightened hearing could eavesdrop to.

"I heard everything," my Pa uttered without giving me a glance.

'of course'

I stayed silent then his gaze turned to me.

"Stop blaming yourself baby," he said with so much compassion.

"No one is blaming you for what had happened."

'ugh'

I leaned my back on the door as tears again swelled up.

"Stop living a life of guilt," he continued.

"You have your mate now, start to live a life of happiness."

"You have to move on, we can't bring back the dead baby."

His words seemed to cut again the hidden wounds I painstakingly hid that my shoulders shook as I breakdown to crying.

With a swift move, my Pa got me in his firm and loving arms.

He wrapped me in his embrace which made me cry even harder.

"Stop pleasing father," Pa said as he gently stroked my hair.

"What happened isn't your fault."

"Stop over working to earn his recognition."

"You already have proven your worth."

"You are not born to please him or everyone baby— but yourself."

"If father won't look at you then so be it, you have your mate, you have me and your Ma, you have the pack— you have us baby."

'damn'

Words are really powerful— it can bleed someone to death, stir up bottled emotions and everything. And there I was, succumbed to another state of crying that my throat went dry in the process and the sound of my cry got hoarse.

"Live a life you can be proud of baby not a life other people expect of you," Pa said in a comforting tone while tightening his hug of me.

"I love you my daughter."