Part II, Chapter III - A lame robbery

30 minutes before midnight. I made coffee for Sherlock, my wife and I, and fed to the dog a nice treat, pretending that it was a Scooby snack.

"Here you are, Jane" said I "A nice hot cup of coffee!"

"It's cold" she implied.

"A nice cup of coffee"

"It's awful, no offense"

"A cup of coffee"

"I'm not even sure it is coffee"

"Cup!"

Sherlock took a sip and told me "Just like my mum used to make"

"I feel bad for your mom, then" sassed Jane "It's still consumable, though"

We drank slowly the monstrousity that I had made.

10 minutes before midnight. I mentioned to Sherlock that robbing a bank seemed out-of-character for him.

"It's not like you" said I "Maybe you were once a robber?"

"No" said he, laughing.

"I know you remember something"

"I remember meeting the woman"

"No you don't! You had no idea who she was before I made you read A Scandal in Belgravia!"

"My brain is like a hard drive, my dear boy"

"Don't change the topic"

"Boys" cried Jane "Shut the fuck up before we fucking argue, it's only a few fucking minutes before we rob the fucking bank!"

"If I had an american dollar everytime I hear you two curse I'd be rich now" said Sherlock.

"Next" said I "You're going to say how many times you've heard us cuss"

"Three-hundred and Sixty Two including the recent F-bombs from your wife. I trust you had cursed more than that"

"What the fuck? You did count!"

"Three-hundred and Sixty Three. By the way, it's time"

"Who's gonna drive?" asked Jane

"William"

"I don't want my DNA on the wheel. Can't you drive?" said I

"I can" answered Sherlock "I choose not to"

"Fine"

I stepped on the gas pedal and off we went to the bank. The streets would have been pitch black if it were not for the lamp posts illuminating light. We reached the bank by 12:20am. Emily stayed in the van.

"You both know what to do" Sherlock broke the silence. We snuck in successfully

"The security is not tight" I implied

"The bank's not closed"

"But the lights are off!"

"Wait for it"

Within a second the lights went back on revealing a crowd of people. The bank was activating the generator.

"This bank is open 24/7" said Sherlock

"You couldn't have told that earlier?"

"Tut tut, my dear boy, It is time for Jane to start the distraction. Jane, you can start by stepping on the man's shoe approximately two steps to your left"

We watched Jane shake her cane at the ground and, using her instincts, stepped on the man's shoe.

"Oh my God!" she gasped "I am so sorry for stepping on you, sir. I am blind and I need help!"

two security guards appeared to guide Jane. Upon feeling one of the guard's hand, she hit his stomach with an elbow successfully making it look like an accident. She got the attention of everyone in the bank and faked losing her balance. Sherlock and I swung into action and snuck behind.

"Don't you think this is a bit out of your character?" I whispered

"I can do things"

We hid behind the corner of a wall upon seeing a security guard standing between the security room and the room to the vault.

"What do we do now?" I asked

"I got this" claimed Sherlock before meowing like a cat.

"Meow meow" he said in a high-pitch voice. It was actually quite convincing. "The guard is coming closer. Watch this"

He punched the man's balls causing him to fall down, but before he could scream in agony Sherlock punched him hard enough to knock him out. I followed as he walked away and towards the room with the security monitors.

"We can't just leave him there!" I whispered

"Don't worry, all the guards cannot leave their position, which, in this case, is helping your blind wife because they're more of a gentleman than you will ever be. Now here's the door to the monitor room, correct? There is no one in here, no one is watching"

"Because we passed one or two security cameras and we should've been apprehended by now"

"Indeed" confirmed he "Smell that? the monitor is having a donut break and will be here very soon. You need to be on your way to the vault now"

I nodded as he opened the door and closed it from the inside. The only way of communication now is via comms.

"This is Donutello to Would-I-was, come in Would-I-was!" I heard Jane from the comms in my ear.

"Would-I what?" I asked in confusion.

"C'mon! 'William'? 'Would-I-was'? It's obvious, dude!"

"Where are you?"

"I knocked out the security guards by accident"

"That's fantastic!"

"Yeah, but now I hear people yelling and trying to kill each other. I'm just standing in the corner, atleast that's what my hands are telling me. Would love to join them but i'm blind. Are you at the vault?"

"I'm getting closer"

"No no, William, you're going the wrong way" interrupted Sherlock through the comms "Go back and this time take a right. I'll use the cameras to point the way"

I looked at the cameras and they turned to a certain direction.

"I'm gonna start playing the footage from a week ago so you won't be seen. The monitor idiot is nearing. I can smell the donuts!"

I followed the cameras and found the vault. There was a guard sitting next to it reading a newspaper. I had an idea and went back as quick as I could to the security guard Sherlock knocked out earlier and wore his clothes, disguising myself as a security guard, I went back to the vault.

"Hallo" said I to the guard "Goddamn, I mean, god dag"

I pinched the part where his shoulder met his neck to knock him out.

"How do I open the vault?"

"Interesting!" jumped Sherlock from behind me.

"What the hell, dude?"

"I've done my part. I'm here to watch"

"Can't you help me?"

"We discussed this in the briefing that you were the one to open the vault and take the money"

"Fine"

I walked around trying to guess the passcode to open the vault. I even examined the vault myself. The panel for the passcode was off, so, obviously, I had to turn it on only to find out that once it was on you had to press the combination lock because of a timer set to 1 minute.

"I know!" said I, grabbing my phone "I'll look it up on Youtube!"

"Wut?" said Sherlock in a british accent.

The moment I tapped on a video entitled "How to open a vault in less than 30 seconds", appeared a 2-minute unskippable advertisement about Husk tea.

"No no!" I cried "An unskippable ad!"

"Closing the video then re-opening it works!" claimed Sherlock. I did what he said, and there was another unskippable advertisement, this time the duration was 6-minutes. I screamed internally. 10 seconds left before security alert. Sherlock stood up, grabbed the vault door handle and pulled it open. The timer finished its countdown and nothing happened.

"The timer and passcode are fraudulent" said he "It is only there to send panic to bank robbers"

"How do you know this?"

"Elementary, my dear!"

"Shut up, i'm gonna grab the money. Holy shit!" I gasped upon seeing, lying on the pile of cash, was a man tied to a chair and wearing the same death collar Cupcake used to enslave.

(Author's message: So sorry updates are slow. I've been making an animation)