Calculate

The agents were set to come after my session with Ava. They mostly wanted to debrief me, they had said. The director of public relations, the Chris Dixon guy from the conference, was going to be there too.

I was scheduled for a third session in four days, amd then after that I would be handed off to a local therapist.

This was one of my only chances to get everything about the aliens off my chest. Then I'd have to refer to them as "terrorists".

If I was even still, you know, ON EARTH.

Still hadn't come to a conclusion about that, yet.

"How did the service go?" Ava asked once both of us were settled in and comfortable.

I shrugged and said, "I mean, I guess it was fine. They didn't make me talk or anything."

"Is that a 'but' I hear?"

Talking with her wasn't so bad. It was kind of a relief because I didn't have anyone else to talk to about . . . anything, really.

"After the reception at the Stanley, we had to go to the park to see the memorial," I replied, fidgeting with my fingers.

She made a sympathetic sound with her tongue. "How was that?"

"Not great," I admitted with a sigh. "My brother sat with me, though, and they didn't make me stay long. I felt like I was going to be attacked at any moment like there was something out there watching me the entire time."

Of course, there had been, but that was beside the point.

"Did having your brother there help?"

"Kind of."

"Good. And don't forget, use your anxiety meds if you need them. There's absolutely no shame and anyone who makes you feel otherwise doesn't understand the pain you're in," Ava assured me.

I nodded and sighed. "I know. I'll try to remember."

She smiled at me. "You seem to have a lot on your mind today. Want to talk about it?"

It took me several minutes to work up the courage to broach the topic, and in the end I just brought up what had happened earlier that morning with my mom.

Ava gave me a knowing nod. "That was an intrusive memory. You may experience more of them depending on your specific triggers."

"What if next time I actually hurt someone?" I asked.

She took a deep breath and crossed her legs. "It would be unfortunate . . . so here's what we'll do."

For the next half an hour or so, she had me close my eyes and walk her through every moment that I'd experienced on the ship. She asked me to go over the emotions, my actions, and anything else that seemed appropriate.

There were several gaps I couldn't remember, though I thought I had everything down. How I got from that room to Wolf's medical table, the name of the two soldiers I'd met . . .

A lot of it was just gone.

I managed to talk to her all the way up to where I'd reunited with my friends and had to stop.

"I can't," I whispered, dabbing at my face with a tissue. "Please don't make me."

Ava nodded. "Of course. We can take a break. You did really good. The more we go over it, the more you'll be able to recognize triggers and react better."

"Sure," I muttered.

"We can talk about something else . . . Do you feel ready to return to school?" she asked me.

I grimaced. She smiled. "It seems so unimportant now, doesn't it?"

"I don't know. I'm tired of being in the house. I'm tired of not doing anything . . . but I don't want to go back. I don't want to see anyone," I explained.

"You can always do online schooling. That might be better," Ava suggested.

"Maybe . . . I'll talk to my parents."

"Good idea. As far as my opinion, I think things are still really raw for you but it might be a good distraction," she said, scribbling something down.

"I guess so."

She checked her watch and said, "You've still got about ten minutes before the agents arrive. Was there anything else you wanted to talk about?"

/It's now or never, Nichole./

"I, uh, I did have a question," I began, fidgeting in my seat.

"Shoot."

Again, it took me a minute to work up the courage, but I did eventually bring it up. I'd been toiling over how to phrase it and was satisfied that I pulled it off.

"I was . . . considering leaving. To go live in, uh, a different state," I said without looking at her.

Ava was quiet for a moment, then finally spoke. "Just you?"

"Y-yeah . . ."

"I won't lie, Nichole, I think that's a bad idea. At least right now. Your entire support system is here. Parents, extended family, friendly faces, a community you know," she said, trying to let me down gently.

My heart sank and my shoulders slumped.

"Who would you be living with?" she asked.

"A, uh, a friend. From online. We've . . . we've met in person a few times," I added. Hopefully that would be good enough to avoid stranger danger lectures.

She raised an eyebrow. "Is this someone you have romantic feelings for?"

"What? I . . . no, no!" I said, blushing. The idea seemed ridiculous. "Just a friend."

I didn't think Ava was convinced but she didn't press the matter. "Well, regardless, do they know about your situation? Your needs?"

"Yes," I responded confidently.

She gave me a long look and then sighed. "Well, I know it's not my place to stop you if you really want to go, but I think it would be a bad decision and you're still technically a minor, so it would be difficult, too."

Well, no, but I couldn't explain that to her.

"And have you asked your parents?"

I shook my head and averted my gaze. "No. I was . . . I was thinking . . ."

Her expression softened and she finished her sentence for me. "Were you thinking of running away from home, Nichole?"

My only response was to stay silent.

"I can certainly tell you that's a bad idea. And you don't need to run away from home," she said with a smile. "You are doing so good. Your parents love and support you, though I'm sure it feels like they don't know what they're doing."

I nodded and sniffed.

"I'll see if I can set up an appointment with them ASAP. We met briefly while you were in the hospital, but I didn't get the chance to really sit down with them," Ava said.

Finally, I looked up from my lap.

"I have a lot of resources I can share with them, things they can do at home to help you. They're still learning, too, so do you think you can be patient with them a little while longer?"

"Y-yeah. I think so," I murmured.

"Good. You're a tough, brave girl, but it's okay to lean on other people sometimes, okay? Having this support system will help you heal faster," Ava finished, smiling warmly.

I managed to force myself to return the gesture. Though I wasn't feeling better, per se, I was glad that I had least tried to talk about it.

Got just about the response I expected to.

"Anything else on your mind?"

Though I opened my mouth to respond, a knock on the door interrupted me. Ava told the person on the other side they were free to enter. The two agents walked into the room, followed by the man from the conference.

"Hello, Nichole. Ava," Agent Rawlins said, closing the door behind everyone.

"Hello," Ava and I greeted in response.

"Nichole, you remember me, right?" Dixon asked me.

I nodded.

"We just have a few questions for you and then we'll be out of your hair for good," Dixon continued.

Ava finished setting up some places for them to sit and the three agents made themselves comfortable. I hadn't noticed it before, but Dixon was holding a fairly hefty folder in his hands.

"Okay . . ." This all seemed suspicious.

Dixon handed the folder over to Rawlins and he thumbed through the leaflets. "Tell me, Nichole . . . is that the alien that was with you when you were found?"

He handed me two pictures and I warily examined them.

The first photo was from a distance, but it focused on the hulking mass of someone like Wolf. They were in what looked like a slaughterhouse. Beneath that one, there was an artists' rendering of their face.

It looked slightly different from what I'd given the artist in the hospital, but all the right features were there.

Someone else had seen them before.

With a grave expression, I handed the photos back. "Yes. It's the same race," I murmured.

"You don't seem surprised," Cooper remarked.

"I'm not. I already knew they come here," I said. "I saw what they do."

"So you know they hunt us," Rawlins assumed, putting the pictures away.

Dixon was sitting quietly in his chair, letting the two agents handle everything. He was making me a little nervous, but at least Ava was with us.

"Yeah. I don't know anything beyond that, though," I said. "When was that picture taken?"

Cooper and Rawlins deferred to Dixon, silently asking his permission. He shifted in his seat and said, "About fourteen years ago, in Los Angeles."

/I was three,/ I thought, doing the math real quick in my head.

"We've been tracking these guys since the eighties when we had our first documented encounter with survivors, but we believe they've been coming for quite some time," Cooper explained.

"You haven't tried to stop them or initiate contact?" I asked.

"The government believes it's best to let them do their thing," Rawlins said, rolling his eyes.

"These kill maybe a dozen or two people every decade. If we tried to stop them, like shoot down their ships, we're afraid it would spark a war," Dixon elaborated.

I pursed my lips. "One we wouldn't win."

Cooper nodded. "Exactly."

"We have been trying to get our hands on a live specimen, though," Dixon said. "They tend to blow themselves and an entire three-block radius up when they lose, though."

"If they lose," Rawlins huffed.

"Hey, they lost two in a row. We're getting tougher," Cooper pointed out.

Dixon added, "Almost had the one in LA, but it slipped through our fingers."

"So what do you want from me? Just to identify it?" I asked, hoping I could leave soon.

"Oh, right." Rawlins said it as if he'd forgotten I was there.

"We were hoping you could tell us what those other aliens were to him," said Cooper.

"We've never seen anything like them," Dixon muttered, his brow knit with concern.

I hesitated, chewing on my lip. How much could I tell them without betraying Wolf? It seemed like an innocuous enough question, though, so I just answered honestly.

"I think they hunt the bug ones, too. One stowed away on their ship and made it crash."

"And they started picking up anything they found to use for breeding," Rawlins surmised.

I nodded.

Ava leaned over and touched my arm. "Are you doing okay, Nichole? Do you want to stop?"

"I'm okay."

"I think we're about done here, anyway. We mostly wanted to make sure that these were the same aliens and then figure out how these new ones played in," Dixon said.

"They're all gone, right?" I asked. "The ugly bug ones."

The three of them shared a glance.

Cooper said, "Yeah, there are no more in the woods. Those are all gone. We scoured it for miles, going up and down the entire mountain, basically."

"There were a few stragglers, but between us and those predators, we killed most of them," Rawlins assured me.

"Most?"

Dixon answered me. "We took a couple specimens alive to study their behaviour. They're already back at HQ and the corpses we gathered are being prepped for dissection."

"Yeah, so you have no need to worry," Cooper said with a matter-of-fact tone.

If I hadn't been sitting, I would have collapsed. Already my heart was ramming against my chest and I suddenly found it hard to breathe.

Everyone watched me with slight concern until, finally, I found the words I wanted to speak, full of panic and piquing outrage.

"Y-you DIDN'T. You . . . you have to kill them, NOW!" My voice was hoarse.

Rawlins extended a hand. "I promise you, they're locked up safe. No way to get out and no way to reproduce."

"Secure?" I repeated dubiously. "They bleed acid! They . . . they worm into holes and they ambush . . ."

Ava tried to calm me. "Breathe, Nichole. Everything is okay."

"They're caged behind two feet of reinforced, bullet-proof glass," Dixon assured me. "There is only one door, and it'll only open with a code that only a handful of people know."

I failed to see how that was supposed to make me feel better.

He continued. "There's no other means to get in and out of that cage unless they can somehow get through the ventilation slits that not even a flea can get through."

"And," Rawlins interjected, "we can seal the vents remotely in case of emergencies."

"They're constantly being monitored at all times right now. They're not getting out," Cooper added.

Everything he said sounded well and good, but I remained unconvinced. "What happens if they do get out somehow?"

"Impossible," Cooper scoffed.

Rawlins said, "If they somehow escape, we flash the lab. If that doesn't work, the entire building goes into lockdown until reinforcements arrive."

"What does that mean? 'Flash the lab'?" I asked, my brow furrowed.

"It means," Cooper said, "we push a button and the entire lab burns to a crisp, hopefully incinerating the fuckers."

"I want . . . I want to see them!"

There was a bout of silence while they determined if I was being serious. The look on my face must have convinced them because they shared a chuckle at my expense.

"That's absolutely not going to happen," Dixon said.

Cooper shook his head. "You're lucky we're telling you any of this in the first place, so put that thought out of your head right now."

I leaned back and crossed my arms over my chest, pouting like a child. I thought it had been worth a try. I didn't even know what I wanted to get out of that.

Did I want to kill them myself?

Maybe I did.

Rawlins handed the case file back to Dixon. "If that's it, we'll leave you to it. We don't have any more questions, but we'll be in contact if we require your cooperation again."

"You're leaving?" I asked, leaning forward. They couldn't leave—not yet. Not until I could convince them to destroy those awful creatures.

Everyone nodded they were starting to stand and my panic was growing.

"We have to go back now, get back to other cases. We'll call if we need anything," Rawlins explained.

"No!" It was out of my mouth before I could stop it. Everyone looked at me with varying forms of curiosity and I blushed under their gazes.

Now that I had their attention, I wasn't sure how I was going to keep it. I floundered for a moment before spouting the first thing that came to my mind.

"I . . . want to know everything. About these aliens, both of them. I need to know!" I demanded, half standing out of my seat.

Eyes narrowed, Cooper crossed his arms over his chest. "Whatever for?"

My jaw bobbed up and down as I tried to come up with an answer, then I shook my head. "Because . . . because . . ."

Fuck. I couldn't come up with an answer I could actually share. An answer that wasn't "because those things needed to die" or "because I want to go live in space with an alien and would like more information first."

I definitely couldn't share the latter.

The three FBI stooges shared another look, then deferred to Dixon.

"If you want to know more, you'll have to get a job here in the FBI," Dixon said.

He looked smug, like that was going to deter me.

It did not.

"Then I want to work for the FBI."

All of them, even Ava, were gobsmacked. I waited as patiently as I could for them to digest my request. I was about to ask again, but Dixon finally said something.

"It's a lot of work getting into the FBI, missy. You have to have a four-year degree, have two to three years of professional job experience, and pass a physical exam. Among other things."

That did sound like a lot, but I was young. I had time. It might be overwhelming, but if I started early enough, if researched enough . . .

Dixon eyed me critically. "Do you think you'd ever be able to pass a physical exam?"

I set my jaw. "I'm starting physical therapy soon. I'll work hard. The doctor says I won't play sports professionally, but recreational is fine and I should be able to run and exercise and—"

"That's fine, Miss Shain," Dixon cut me off. "If you are serious, you'll have an edge over other candidates because of your knowledge. It won't be easy, though."

"I don't care."

All eyes were on me and I tried to stand taller, look like someone they could take seriously. I wasn't sure why I was latching onto this so hard. Why it suddenly meant so much.

Maybe because for the first time since that night so long ago, my future wasn't so uncertain. For the first time in forever, I knew what I wanted.

I wanted to learn everything I could. I wanted to get better, wanted to BE better. This was how I could do that. Becoming an FBI agent would do that and more.

Then maybe I could face Wolf as something a little closer to an equal.

Finally, Dixon relented. "Alright. Give me your email. I'll send you evey resource I can to get you on the right path. If it works out, it works out. If not, you'll have to be okay with that result."

Ava, who still seemed like she was shook by the turn of events, gave me a pen and a sticky note. I jotted down the email I used for important things and gave it up.

"I'll be in touch, Miss Shain."

With that, the three men left and Ava gave me a long look. When she spoke, she tried to act normal.

"Is your mom or dad here?"

"My mom's in the lobby, I think."

She sighed. "Alright . . . I'll go see if she wants to have a talk with me and your father about how they can help you with your PTSD. You'll need to be able to pass that psyche evaluation when you apply."

"Okay. Thank you. You're not against me going down this path?"

"It's better than running away from home," she muttered. "Are you coming with or do you need a moment?"

"I . . . I need a moment, please."

Ava left then and I sank down into the chair, staring at my lap. I had a plan. I had a vague goal. I had the will. I just had to execute it.

Now all I had to do was give Wolf the news.