2 The Proposal

The subterfuge ended in the confines of the walls she called her home. Truly it was no home. The subtle difference between a home and a house gnawed at her. After a hectic and tiring day, a house is where you have to go, to rest, to hide; and a home is where you want to go, to relax and rejuvenate. In a long time the fact seared through her heart that she really had no home. Even her perfect Barbie future was a ruse. Rohan was an asset, not a lover, and today, after spending more than an hour, sitting with a man who simply saw past her facade of self dependence, she felt vulnerable. Her meeting Mr. Mornington could have changed her day. She could have been basking in the glory that she had dined with the man who eluded everyone interested in him. Yet those piercing green eyes refused to leave her thought and it painfully reminded her that "he refused".

Sebastion's refusal to come up had left Nancy feeling exposed. She knew who he was and what he was capable of. She did not wish to bed him but she wanted him to enter the one place she was herself, surrounded by shelves full of books, teddy bears strewn all around, walls painted pink and blue, alternatively, to compensate her never ending longing and her forced loneliness. She had never let a man in here. But she had also never let a man peer straight into her tear filled eyes. In her own way she thought if she could bring him up he would look around and he would understand a part of her, understand the girl who was forced to grow up because her mother refused to. Perhaps then his probing would stop.

But his probing had stopped, forever. This was a chance encounter which had no possibility of recurring. Once the merger was done he would be her boss's boss and nothing more. They would never meet in person and if they did meet it would be within the enclosure of their office where her facade is well cemented to her soul. She was safe from him forever.

Then why did she not feel safe? Why did she not feel secure to be away from the human predator? Was everything he said and did a way to attract her to him? Was, even his words muttered under his breath that so moved her, a pretence to seduce her? It could not be. There was something more. There is much more to the man than his mere seductiveness.

Nancy glanced at the cuckoo-clock over the door. It struck two in the morning. What was she doing, sitting up so late and thinking about a man so much out of her league? She knew she had to have some sleep. She had to work the next morning and the next. Nancy loved the weekdays. It was the weekends she feared for her loneliness. Yet now she wished so much to be left alone, in her thoughts.

"This is stupid" she told herself, wiped her tears and rolled into her bed. She gave a faint laugh at her stupidity, and smiled and closed her eyes. She really was very tired. The darkness closed around her. Nancy lost herself in a dark maze with green piercing eyes and spades that pierced her heart. She woke up scared and found her room filled with an ethereal glow. It was morning. It couldn't be. She had only closed her eyes, or what she thought. She wanted to bury herself in the pillows for a few more hours but she had to be up. She was never late, save for yesterday.

She freshened up and got ready in a crisp pink shirt and a straight grey skirt. As she brushed her hair she felt the lack of sleep stinging her eyes. She got into the car and realised that her entire body weighed like lead. She saw her engagement ring on her finger which seemed like a great load. She was in no mood to show off her ring today and everyone in office had already noticed the solitaire. What harm could there be in taking it off for a day? She convinced herself that Sebastion Mornington had nothing to do with her action yet she couldn't wait to tell Richa what had happened last evening, editing the personal parts. But majority of it was personal. She would only tell Richa that she had dinner with him and he said that the merger was important. What if she probed further? She wondered. Richa wouldn't dare, she convinced herself.

It was a new day. Traffic was light for a weekday in Kolkata. Richa was on time. As soon as she entered the office the receptionist on the front desk asked her to go see Mr. Khanna, their boss. Nancy nodded and headed straight to his cabin. Her stomach churned in anticipation of the unknown. Then she reminded herself. She hadn't had breakfast.

The door squeaked open as Nancy knocked. It was left open. Mr. Khanna's kind voice floated from inside. He was already in an animated conversation with someone. He had company. Timidly Nancy placed herself within the doors. Mr. Khanna never asked her to come to her cabin. Whatever instructions were needed to be given he came over to her desk with a cup of coffee in one hand. This was new to her. She deliberately looked down to avoid eye contact. Whoever was in the room was good audience for she only heard Mr. Khanna's voice. A partition separated her from her boss's desk and his early morning guest. Nancy walked over the partition and stood dumbfounded. Green eyes peered into the nakedness of her soul. What was he doing here?

"Nancy," it was Mr. Khanna's voice that addressed her. There was a sense of loss in it she didn't understand. "Meet your new boss". And Sebastion Mornington beamed from across the table.

'You got to be kidding me!' was the thought that ran through Nancy's head. How could the merger be finalised so fast? Suddenly realisation dawned on her. Even last night he had specified the word with a slight more emphasis. "Takeover" the word popped out of her mouth and the nod of her old boss's head confirmed her.

Sebastion Mornington was silent and contemplating. His eyes roamed on her but now it fixed to the hand that covered her bewildered lips. No ring. Was it also false like the self dependence she portrays? He then looked into her eyes. They were still as vulnerable as yesterday. "Good morning Ms. Choudhuri." He greeted her. She could only nod her response. "Hungry? Let's eat." And he walked to her, held her other hand and glided across the office to the elevator. Nancy continued her silent stare.

From her half frightened, half disbelieving expression Nancy looked no more like a child brought face to face with Santa Clause. Sebastion studied her as they went down the elevator.

"What?" he was finally forced to ask.

"Why?" was her one word cryptic response!

"What do you mean by 'why', Ms Choudhuri?"

"You didn't like the proposal?"

"Khanna Pharmaceuticals wanted to use my resources to increase their infrastructure and achieve their own petty aim like marketing better and defeating rivals. This company has a potent weapon, an affordable cancer drug. I want it to focus all its resources on that without any distraction. A merger would not have made it possible but now as a majority share holder I can dictate the terms on which the company runs."

Nancy had been listening patiently as this genius explained his master plan. He had it chalked out before hand. Was this the reason he didn't wish to discuss the proposal over dinner? "But Khanna Pharmaceuticals has other products which have a wide market demand. You cannot stop the production."

"Khanna Pharmaceuticals is a managing firm supporting a modern research lab and funding the research. The products you speak of are manufactured in separate factories with independent infrastructure. Their manufacturing will continue and their products will be marketed by GM Industries. I want Khanna Pharmaceuticals to concentrate on the widespread distribution of the Cancer Drug."

This man does his homework. No arguing with that. "Where are we going?"

"Breakfast is on me. You paid for the dinner remember. There is a restaurant down the street. We will go there."

"It's a very expensive joint. You want to go there for breakfast?"

"I am a man of very expensive tastes Nancy. You haven't seen the beginning."

For the first time he had mentioned her name and it sent a thousand butterflies fluttering through her belly. She had to focus hard not to hyperventilate. Was he even real, she wondered! Now she realised she had never looked past the green eyes and the unruly chocolate brown hair. Here was a man whose face spoke of authority. Those square jaws implied nothing but discipline. The straight nose was meant for scrutiny. He was tall, really tall. And he was mesmerizingly beautiful.

Sebastion was aware of her stare. He was aware of her scrutiny, her interest. He was also aware of her missing ring. He felt satisfied. His haste had been justified. This girl was worth his late night and his lack of sleep and now, he was her boss.

"Why are you so quiet Nancy?"

"Why is this haste?"

Sebastion looked at her, stunned. Could she read his mind? He probed into her eyes for an answer to his unspoken question. There was none, only a disbelief in everything.

"I wanted to meet you, meet you on my terms, when you won't be able to overrule me. So I decided that being your boss was the best idea."

"This is all about me not letting you pay for my dinner?" she said in disbelief.

"The haste part of it is. The takeover was pre-planned. You only influenced the time frame."

This man is crazy, she thought. She shook her head, raised her brows and heaved a sigh. She was sitting side by side to Sebastion and looked down. Her hands were folded in front of her as if in prayer. Sebastion reached out from across the table and placed his palm on her hand. Alarmed she looked at him to find her gaze held by his. Tears filled her eyes and a blush coloured her pink.

This was unexpected. He didn't think he affected her so but apparently he did. They should have sat opposite to one another. Perhaps he could have resisted the urge to touch her. Now he was at a loss of what to do.

Nancy looked away and fiercely blinked her eyes pushing back her tears. She jerked her hands free then faced the bewildered Sebastion and said, "I don't like to feel vulnerable." Then she paused and as an explanation simply said, "Your proximity makes me feel vulnerable. I don't know why!"

"Maybe because I see through your facade of well being and recognise your insecurities."

Is this man bluffing? She really can't be that transparent! Even Rohan did not know her insecurities and he had been with her so long. She had met Sebastion Mornington only yesterday.

"I have no insecurities." She emphasised.

"Your emphasising that you have no insecurity is the greatest proof of your insecurity. No one is ever without any insecurity." He explained.

Nancy scowled at him in desperation.

"You have a child within you which you suppress for fear of your innocence being exploited." He simply commented. "You intrigue me and not on a physical level. Your reactions are hard to understand. You want to show you are independent but instead result in a show of obedience and submission. That is why your fiancé could leave you in the restaurant yesterday despite your sulking after a bad day."

"He apologised, profusely. Also, I was not sulking. I never sulk", she retorted.

"No you do not sulk. You simply shut yourself behind your pretence of self sufficiency and become completely reticent."

"You don't know me well enough to make such personal comments."

"I studied you yesterday." He simply stated.

"And your ogling of me yesterday made me self conscious for which I could not talk with him."

He seemed very pleased with her answer. "I affect you?"

"You know you do."

"I affect you when you do not even realise who I am?" he was sceptical.

"Strangers in general affect me."

"Like the rogue driver who had given you a lift"

"The kind"

"What kind of men doesn't scare you?"

"I am not scared of men."

"It is my mistake. What kinds of men don't intimidate you?"

"Educated, sophisticated, cultured sort"

"Have you really ever seen a man who is cultured and sophisticated?"

"Rohan is like that."

"I'll prove you wrong. You're talking about that fiancé of yours, right?"

"Yes."

"He works for Pretzel puritans, Is the CEO. Has been working for them for 5 years and has just been offered a position as MD. He is cheating you."

"Mr. Mornington, this is going too far."

"Are my facts incorrect?"

"No. They are all correct except the last one. Rohan is not cheating on me. He is educated, sophisticated and honest."

"When a man becomes sophisticated the first epiphany he has is that honesty is the worst policy. A man can't be sophisticated and honest in the same lifetime."

"Who do you think you are to vouch for all mankind and comment on my fiancé's loyalty? You, the most renowned womaniser is speaking of loyalty, is a joke."

"I do not support hypocrisy. I am a rich man. I can afford to taste a variety in women and wine."

"We women are not a commodity you can enjoy."

"'You' women may not consider yourself a commodity but there is a huge population of your kind which does. I am not a rapist and I am not a player. My women know exactly what they are getting into before coming near my bed. But of course, a celibate like you will never understand the pleasures that draw women near me," Saying so Sebastion took a sip of the lemonade that had been placed in front of them. He lay back on his chair head bent slightly to view Nancy's face. All he could see was anguish and rage.

Nancy was regretting her decision of coming with him to breakfast. His gaze made her feel vulnerable and his words violated her soul. She wanted to run away but looking down she murmured softly, more to herself than anyone else, "I am not a celibate."

"I was actually counting on that." His wink was almost deliberate and she hated it.

"I am engaged" and as she emphasised the word she raised her hand to show the ring which was not there.

"Isn't something missing there?"

Nancy received her hand, gushing. "I just put it in my bag. It ....must be here.....somewhere." as Nancy struggled with her purse Sebastion took his bite into his sandwich. He chewed it carefully, carefully eyeing her as she shuffled through her bag.

"Why did you take it off?" he said between two mouthfuls.

"Here it is." Nancy had found her ring and held it rigidly between her fingers. It was a solitaire with a single diamond framed in gold and surrounded with clusters of different semiprecious stones. Her face was triumphant and full of joy, a child's glee on recovering her favourite toy from a pile of junk.

Sebastion asked her slowly as if she were dim-witted, each word pronounced after a pause, "Why...did.....you....take...it ....OFF?"

She looked guiltily at Sebastion as if she had offended him. Her head was bowed slightly as she shame facedly admitted, "I don't like it much, it is too showy. I would have preferred a single small diamond in a plain gold band."

"Didn't you tell him that?"

"I did. But he likes this one and it's that....." she shrugged as if her choice didn't really matter.

"Where do you figure on his priority list?"

"Among the five"

"Top or bottom"

"It doesn't make a difference."

"It doesn't make a difference that he abandons you at a restaurant when you are already distraught and uncomfortable and goes to company his boss who has suddenly been stood up by her recent object of desire!"

Why does this bother Sebastion so much?

"They had a meeting. His boss was to meet someone over a business dinner but at the last moment she decided she needed Rohan."

"Because her so called client had stood her up"

"No. That is a lie." Nancy was this much confident.

"Oh! Really! And how do I know so much?"

"Obviously you sent a spy after me because I didn't let you buy dinner." Nancy said while wondering seriously, how did he know?

"I had stood her up." He said simply.

"You are seeing her?"

"I am doing business with her while she spends her time fantasising about me. Your guy called me up from her phone late at night, after I dropped you home, to reschedule the meeting. He introduced himself as Rohan Chatterjee CEO Pretzel Puritans"

"How did you know that it was my Rohan?"

"I didn't till I spent most of my night looking you up on the internet, Facebook, twitter and what not. The social network is a very effective way of gathering personal information. Why would I need a spy?"

"Why did you even bother?" Nancy was hurt. Not because he gathered information on her but because he pointed out Rohan's insincerity. She had always known that, always overlooked that. It was a part of the compromise she had made with her life. It was not that she would ever cheat on him but she allowed him the free will in return that he should ignore her past and her dismal background.

"Why do you tolerate it? You don't even love him. Any blind person who sees you together can see that you don't feel anything for him. Then why commit your whole life to him? Do you even have the security that this compromise that you so much call a relationship will last a lifetime?" Sebastion remembered her tears from the previous day and her words. It slips everyone by Mr. Mornington while we chase a mere impression of it.

"It's different, our relationship. Rohan needs his freedom. He is afraid of commitment, much like you. He needs me to show me off, introduce in society and have for his self. In return I get the security of his name, the comfort of his home and the certainty of a social acceptance, which no matter how short lived, won't leave me regretting that I shall never have one."

"What do you know about my commitment issues?" Sebastion was grave. He did not think this girl would be so irresponsible to comment without knowing but truly no one knew about Madeleine. Notwithstanding that minor detail she had hurt Sebastion where it hurt the most, Sebastion's dream of a family.

"Everyone who has heard of you knows you don't date, or prefer one girl for more than a single night. Rohan at least has agreed to share his home with me for a considerable portion of his life, even if it may not last forever. There is nothing called forever." The last sentence was meant only for herself.

For a few minutes everything was quiet, too quiet for Nancy's nerves. Then what Sebastion said was unexpected both to the speaker and the person spoken to. It was brief but both knew the significance of those words.

"Marry me."

Nancy looked at him in shock. 'He is really mad' she was convinced that much. She thought of pinching herself. Maybe she had not woken up yet. Why wasn't her alarm ringing? She was scared that this dream, fretful as it was would haunt her for the rest of the day, when she wakes up and realises that this is only a dream.

Sebastion too was shocked at his own word. He did not quite realise what he was saying till they were out of his mouth. The woman he had just proposed was silent. The fact that in between the fingers of her left hand, she tightly clasped her engagement ring did nothing to help. Sebastion reached out, unclasped the ring from her fingers and placed it on the table in front of her. She looked this time straight into his eyes, her eyes full of incredulity. Sebastion could not understand whether the source of the reaction were his sudden proposal or his imprudent action. He knew for one thing, he had met the girl only yesterday and Henry would have him committed to an asylum before he let him commit to this perfect stranger.

"We will sign a prenup. Anything you want as security is yours in case you decide this relationship is not worth it."

Nancy still looked on distraught, wary of what she could say to preserve this dream. The man who had just refused her yesterday now waited for her acceptance.

"All this is because I said you have commitment issues?" this isn't a dream. This is a freaking nightmare.

"Partially" he had to admit.

"What is the other part?"

Sebastion hesitated. This is something he never shared with anyone. But this wasn't anyone. Why was she different? She was not. Just his choosing her made her different. His choosing her had nothing to do with her. It was his sudden impulse. But she was already chosen. Maybe Madeleine wishes it so. He had to tell her.

"I have few months to get married. I had promised someone I would get married before I turn forty."

"You are Sebastion Mornington. Any woman would marry you, Why me?"

The question seemed simple but the answer was not. Why did it have to be her? Did the fact that she was too different from Madeleine help? Were her insecurities and fears a reason? Was the fact that she never missed a meeting important? This girl was too young, too scared and too lonely. She was too vulnerable and too easy to read. Did all this have any bearing on his choice?

"When I was twenty one I proposed to a girl. We were to be married in a month when she suffered a fatal accident. She died in my arms. I never had feelings for any other woman. I promised her I would marry before I turn forty. I don't want to break the promise. I also don't want to give any woman any hope of emotional dependence if she were to expect it from me." He sighed. "But I would give her everything else, not just security but my mind body and soul, just not my heart. Still I do not wish to marry someone who would be incapable of looking past my chequebook. To you the security matters. You care for the social aspect. The most important thing for you is not to fall behind in life. Still you have no use for a man's love. Yet you are committed. Your fiancé does not value your commitment but I do. For me when I give myself fully to a woman I expect her to do the same. We would be perfect for each other."

Nancy was still reeling from the suddenness of the incident. She was discussing her marriage to a complete stranger who for the past few hours was her boss. Her engagement ring lay before her, abandoned on the table. Was she too in his company, becoming insane, even to consider it? Without her knowledge Nancy rocked slowly in her seat in silent contemplation. After a long pause which to Sebastion seemed like hours, she finally looked at him again. "I have to talk to Rohan. What will I say to him?" There was a hint of panic in her voice.

"That meeting was scheduled for today. It starts in an hour. It may help to give him a small incentive. Knowing that his position in the company may be improved by breaking off his engagement I don't think he will object to the concept of 'us'. He is a self centred man as much as I see him."

"Rohan is a self made man." Nancy was still feeling that she was being selfish. Sebastion was too good to be true and Rohan was being dealt a poor hand. "You are actually joking right?"

"No."

Nancy still pinched herself harder. She was scared now. Scared how far her imagination could take her.

"Will this work out, I mean you and me together? You are a very difficult man to live with you know. You don't say a word to the other person for their benefit."

"But I speak the truth, the utter truth. I know this much from life that truth is the greatest medicine for sin. If you are truthfully sinful then the sins do not add up to a burden of guilt. That does not mean I am always truthful though. But I prefer that."

"You are Sebastion Mornington. Everyone knows you. What do you know of me?"

"You are Nancy Choudhuri born Nancy David daughter of Roy David and Tania Mukherjee. Your father died when you were young. Your mother remarried and became Tania Choudhuri. You finished school and graduated with English, did your MBA from Pune and joined Khanna Pharmaceuticals three years back as an assistant manager. Now you are the Executive Manager."

Nancy looked on in wonder. He couldn't have known all that from the internet. "Who is the spy?"

Sebastion laughed. "There is no spy. Mr. Khanna very much favours you. I only had to mention your name and he divulged everything he knows."

"I could run off with your money." Nancy suggested in a vain attempt to scare him.

"Once you say yes it won't be my money anymore. It will be our money and you can run with it where ever you want. In the end I will find you." Sebastion replied confidently.

"But why is it me, why not that Khushi or Rohan's boss? There is no dearth of women lining up for you. Why do I have to break an engagement and a man's heart for it?" Nancy was struggling with herself. This was after all the man who can violate her being without even touching her.

"I chose you. It is not necessary that you would choose me as well. You may choose the other guy and can always break my heart instead." Sebastion blinked his eyes like a girl and time stopped for Nancy. After a while she could speak.

"You intimidate me."

"I know that. A few moments ago you said that my proximity makes you feel vulnerable. Is it not better to live with your vulnerability knowing it as a part of you and overcoming it in the process. Accept it as a part of who you are and grow used to it so much that it stops to bother you altogether. In a few years this vulnerability will become a phantom of your past and you won't shirk from it or from me. Yes I will make you feel vulnerable, every moment, in every word, every action in every touch. You will feel violated. Your privacy will be stripped off you by the mere fact that I am looking at you. But it will be a part of your life. This is the intimacy that should exist between a man and his wife. My mere gaze makes you conscious isn't that sign enough that we are not chance acquaintances? Slowly you will grow used to it. Once you are accustomed to this intimacy, then what? Then this extra precaution that you take will go away and you will accept that there is someone who wants to remove the tears from your eyes and make you feel as you should feel, special, not because you are some corporate hot shot, but because you are the girl with the most clear eyes that speak the truth and you have one precious thing, hope. I know you don't believe in the hope. Still that hope keeps you going. I can give you the hope, more than Rohan can, more than anyone will want to, because I believe in hope as much as you do."

Nancy was listening to his every word with caution. Tears welled in her eyes. Yet the regret lingered. "But there is no hope of love." She did not realise that she was thinking aloud till she saw Sebastion look away. When he looked back at her the confidence in his eyes waned. "The decision is yours. If you believe that Rohan can give you that which I cannot I won't force you. But I want to spend my life with you."

"Rohan doesn't love me, never will. I know there is no hope of love for me. I wasn't thinking of you but rather hope that has ceased in its significance to me long ago." Nancy did not wish to hurt him. She was sorry she slipped her feelings.

Sebastion smiled a wry smile and sighed. "Then you better finish eating, we have a wedding to announce."