nineteen

I pressed my lips together, remembering how she had talked about not knowing if she could  trust herself yet. I had to be careful. I can't lose her. I didn't know what to do.

~ ♡ ~

You woke to the sound of someone knocking. Looking at the clock, you saw it was 7am. You groaned and climbed out of bed, pouting as you shuffled to the door, your arms crossed over your chest.

You opened it to see Taehyung standing there, a very worried expression on his face.

"Tae, what's wrong? Are you okay?" You were glad to see him, but you'd never seen him looking so serious.

"I'm sorry Y/n. I wanted to text you last night, but practice didn't end till midnight, and I didn't want to wake you up. Are you mad at me?"

You smiled, taking his hand and pulling him into the room, pushing the door shut. You faced him, and stood on your tiptoes, watching his expression change, his body relax, as you leaned in, and kissed him, lingering just a few seconds before pulling away.

"Of course I'm not mad at you. I understand that your very busy, and you probably have inconsistent schedules. Don't ever think I'm mad at you for something like that."

He breathed a sigh of relief, finally smiling. "Thank you."

You reached up, caressing his cheek, amazed at how soft his skin was. "You're not like other guys at all, are you?"

"What do you mean?" His brows came together, eyes narrowed slightly.

"You were doing your job, Tae, something you don't have a choice about, yet...you were worrying about me, and feeling the need to explain, which isn't necessary."

"I told you I'd message you later. I just didn't know practice was going to last so long, and I didn't have my phone to even let you know that I wouldn't be done till late. We had to hand them over until we were finished for the night." He frowned, a cute little gesture that made you smile.

"You had to hand your phone over? I've heard of not being allowed to use your phone while working, but not having to give it up completely."

"We have a music show performance coming up in two days, so we need to be extra focused. Normally, we can keep our phones."

He let go of your hand, his arms going around you, pulling you against him. He hugged you, his chin resting on top of your head. You loved being held in his arms. You pressed your ear to his chest, hearing his heart beat.

"Tae? Can I ask you something?"

"Mmhm...anything."

You closed your eyes, feeling a little nervous, even though he obviously wasn't looking at you. "Are we...together?"

You held your breath, feeling him take a deep breath himself. Even though he had confessed feelings for you, and you had done the same, you didn't want to assume anything. You were still afraid of being hurt, but you didn't think he would ever purposely hurt you.

After a minute, he pulled away, looking at you, his eyes locked on yours. "I'd like that..."

You looked at him, sensing that he had more to say. You swallowed, feeling like maybe you'd assumed to much. "There's a 'but', isn't there?"

His lips formed a thin line, his tongue sliding out to wet them. "Can we sit? So I can explain..."

He pulled you to the edge of the bed, sitting, and turning to face you as you sat next to him. You were anxious, your leg shaking as you waited.

"Y/n, I'm not losing you because of some stupid rule I'm supposed to be following. But I need to let you know some things."

You looked at him, wondering if you were about to have your heart broken. He held your hands in his, looking into your eyes as he spoke.

"I know this might be hard for you to understand...but I hope you'll try. You're new to the whole k-pop thing, so I'm guessing you have no idea how... possessive... our fandom is."

You shook your head, a bit confused, not sure what he was even trying to tell you. Your hands were shaking.

"God, I wish this was easier to explain." He looked down at your hands in his, and squeezed them.

"BTS has a fan base, they're called A.R.M.Y.  They have literally brought us to where we are now. We'd be nothing without them. They're passionate, strong, and the best fans in the world. All 7 of us love our armys very much. We're able to do what we do because of them."

You nodded, knowing that all entertainment artists had fans. "I would expect you have fans Tae, that's not something that surprises me." You spoke quietly, still unsure of what he was getting at.

"The thing is, some of them are very possessive. They...they think we belong to them. They don't want to see us with anyone else." He bit his lip, looking at you cautiously.

"So what are you saying? That you can't have a normal life outside of BTS, because your fans don't allow it?" You were starting to be concerned for him, for all of them.

"This is where it gets difficult, Y/n. We've seen other k-pop artists who dated, and because the fans didn't like it, it hurt their success. They rebelled, stopped supporting their supposed favorite group, because they couldn't deal with them being in a relationship."

Your eyes widened, as you looked at him in disbelief. "That's crazy. How can they call themselves fans if they don't even care about your happiness?"

"They aren't all like that, in fact, most of them aren't. But the ones that are, well, let me just say, they can be dangerous." He gazed into your eyes, seeming to be searching for a sign that you understood.

"So, you're telling me that you're in danger from these possessive fans?" You were really starting to worry now.

"Not me y/n, you." He said quietly, looking at you with a pained expression.

"ME?" You squeaked.

Understanding was starting to dawn on you. You looked at him, your mouth opened, as you tried to untangle your jumbled thoughts, and form a sentence that made sense. He saved you by speaking.

"Y/n, in reality, I'm not allowed to date you, or anyone. We have a no dating rule. None of us are supposed to get into a relationship." His eyes were watching you, trying to gauge your reaction.

You closed your mouth, and looked up at him, feeling a lump in your throat.

"If anyone finds out that I have a girlfriend, you could be in a lot of danger. I'm not going to make it sound like anything less than what it is. You'll get death threats, and they may or may not be attempted. You won't be safe anywhere."

It hit you that he had said "if anyone finds out that I have a girlfriend" just now. He was referring to you as his girlfriend. Your heart jumped, and you weren't sure if it was due to excitement or fear.

"This has to stay a secret, y/n. Are you okay with that?"

You felt like a deer trapped in the headlights, not knowing which way to go. He sensed your fear, pulling you to him, wrapping his arms around you again, kissing your hair.

"I'm so sorry y/n, I hate this so much. I feel like I'm no better than that jerk who hurt you, because I won't be able to avoid ignoring you at times. It doesn't make it any better knowing it's for your own safety."

Hearing him compare himself to your ex snapped you out of your thoughts in an instant. You pulled back, looking him in the eyes.

"No Taehyung, don't you ever compare yourself to him. You are nothing like him. It's not the same thing. He made a choice, he ignored me willingly."

He looked sad. "I know, but it doesn't make me feel any better knowing that I will have to at times. I don't ever want you to feel like you don't matter."

The fear you'd been feeling melted away when he said that. You knew that you could do this. You could keep it a secret, because you were that sure that he would make sure you knew how important you were when he was with you without having to hide your relationship. You smiled.

"I'm okay with keeping it a secret Tae," you took a deep breath, then said quietly "just promise me you won't let anything happen to me."

He smiled at you, his eyes crinkling at the corners. "I promise y/n, I'll never let anything happen to you." He sighed. "This isn't going to be easy, you know that right?"

You swallowed, pushing the fear away. "Tell me what I have to do."

"As long as we appear to be just friends, things should be fine. The second anyone suspects that it's more than that, we'll have a problem."

You thought for a minute. "So, act like we did the night we met, when you were being a jerk, and obviously a sore loser?"

He smirked. "I didn't lose..."

"That's because you cheated."

He laughed loudly, pulling you into a hug, ruffling the bun coming loose on the top of your head. "You're cute."

You pushed him away, getting up and heading towards the bathroom to pee. "You did cheat." You mumbled. "If you hadn't started to sing, I would have never missed the first time."

He chuckled as you closed the bathroom door, knowing that he would never admit to cheating, even though he actually did start to sing with the hope that you would miss.