Depression

***Paul***

Althea looks too vulnerable at the moment and I hate my self for the main reason for that.

My Mom and Dad agreed that I will stay here to my Aunt for the whole year while I am in my 1st year as a licensed architect. When I was still in province, I talked once to Rexor over the phone and told me that he will help me for seeking a job. Luckily, I am too lucky that one of the companies in their city where Rexor's live asking for my convenient time for an interview. I took my flight as soon as possible and took the opportunity. And that where everything starts when I found out that it was Althea whom Rexor pertaining as his younger sister who was giving birth in the hospital.

At first, I was too shocked when I saw her lying in the bed while wearing the patients' lab gown. It hard to accept that the person who was lying in the bed is the same person I know once in my college life but I cant forget whatever I did for almost one year.

But everything was back to normal when my eyes darted to a baby who silently sleeping beside her. I was too excited that I almost forgot that the people sorrounds us knows nothing about me and her. I almost run to the other side of the bed just to hold and kiss my baby. A baby whom I wanted to abort badly.

I tried my best to keep my self at ease. I don't want to burden her so I keep my mouth closed. But there was a limitation for my patience. When I thought I can't hold myself anymore, I shared my story to my aunt. Rexor's mom was too angry at first. She said that she despites the man who left Althea all alone ever since Rexor shared Althea's story. But when I tried to explain to her the reason why I wanted to abort the child, she somehow understood me knowing that we were still both a students who wanted to strive hard for success. That's the time when she let me guard Althea the whole night so that I can have a time with my baby.

Since I was too occupied of my son, I didn't noticed immediately that Althea was already in a short hair and not in her long black wavey hair. But damn it, she looks prettier than before and hot while wearing the huge lab gown. Tell me if I'm insane but that was I felt during those moments.

I was too careful of myself all along because I don't want to have an argument with Althea. What I want is to take care of her and the baby. But all the times when I'm with her, she was always pissed off eventhough I didn't do anything to displeased her.

And earlier, I hurt her again and cause her to cry. I know and understand why she was too emotional during these days. What she was going through all along is not easy. She was too brave to stand in her two feet with courage. And I just hate myself reminiscing how coward I was before.

Right now, I was carrying her in my broad chest when she fall asleep in the couch earlier when Aunt comforted her. She cried terribly earlier because maybe she felt alone. That no one was willing to stay beside her. Rexor and I felt guilty after what happened not considering her situation she have right now. Prince Paul is sleeping again after I let him take his milk. Althea was too annoyed and emotional earlier that she throw her anger to the baby and didn't even took him a breastfeed. The situation was controlled when Aunt enter the room.

Both aunt and Rexor advised me to take both Althea and the baby to the room. They even told me to move to Althea's room so that I can help Althea taking care of our baby and have always a time for her to rest if I'm around. But I refused when I thought Althea would probably oppose the idea. And I don't want to bring more trouble to her.

I carefully lay down Althea to the bed to avoid her waking up. I slightly move the crib to the other side of the bed then my instinct is dictating me to lay down beside her and I just follow it. Althea is sleeping soundlessly in my right and Prince Paul is sleeping lovingly inside the crib in my left side. It is like a perfect family but the reality is far behind of my imagination. I don't know what I'm feeling right now but I truly enjoyed the moment until I didn't notice that I also fall asleep.

I was waken up in the middle of night when suddenly Althea shouts. She is having another nightmare again. I hurriedly take my sit in the bed to comfort her. I want to assure her that all is fine I'm just here.

I hug her tightly to comfort her. I think she was too afraid of her nightmare that she hug me back tightly like someone is chasing her. I caress her back up and down using my right hand while my other hand holds her hair while pressing her head not too tight to my neck. She was crying.

"It's okay. It's okay. I'm here. Don't be afraid, I will stay here tonight if you want." I offered. She didn't answer but I feel her nods while still leaning her head on my shoulders indicating her permission for me to take the night with her.

"Are you alright?" I asked worriedly when she pulled herself and saw her fearful expression. She nods tardily. I assist her when she decided to lay down again. I pull her white blanket and cover her body.

"Do you want to set up the aircon higher?"

"No, it's okay." she answered shortly.

I pull the mat fold neatly at the top of table and starts to lay it on the floor near the crib. There is an extra pillow in the bed that I used earlier.

"Can I borrow this?" I asked her a permission to use it though I pull it already.

"What are you doing?"

"Preparing to sleep. Why?" I curiously asked.

"I mean, why on the floor? It's cold. Why don't you sleep here in the bed?" then she pat the space beside her. "It's a queen bed anyway and I am not a fat woman." I am now darting a curious look to her between the dim lights.

"Are you sure?" I asked curiously to make sure that she's asking me to sleep beside her. As far as I remember, she was furious earlier when I was about to sit beside her in the living room. I thought she don't want a narrow space between her.

"You don't want to sleep beside me?"

"No! I didn't mean it. I thought you don't like anyone taking your space. That's why I was hesitant. I'm just afraid in the middle of night that you might push me out to the bed. What if I will fall hard to the floor? I think that is painful." I said in a humorous tone for her to relax atleast a little bit. And I was thankful when I found her giggling.

I thought she hate me to the full extent. What happened to a short tempered Althea? Why she is in a good mood now all of a sudden? I'm suspecting her in the beginning for agreeing easily when I offered to accompany her tonight. Second was when she allow me to comfort her by hugging. I thought that is unusual for her. And now, she's suggesting for me to sleep beside her.

"Thank you. Anyways, I don't want to suffer a back pain due to the coldness of the floor." I simply commented while I pull over the mat back to the table.

"Good night baby!" I bend inside the crib and planted a kiss to Prince Paul's forehead. Then I slowly lay down to the bed afraid of her sudden changes of mind.

I feel a sudden rapid heartbeat. I was laying down at the edge of the bed leaving a huge space in the center.

I am facing towards the ceiling waiting for her to talk. I'm not sure what should I do. I'm afraid to open a conversation first. Basically, I don't know what topic should I choose that would not lead to an argument again. I'm afraid also to look her side to check if she is still awake.

I decided to move a little bit to check if she sleep already after almost 30 minutes of waiting without a conversation with her. Exactly when I face to her side, she spoke.

"Do you know that I have a problem about sleeping these days?" she said while staring to the white ceiling blankly. She continues when I didn't respond. "I hate when I slept too much during the daytime but I'm having a difficulty sleeping at night. In addition to it, I'm having a nightmares almost every night." I stared to her while listening intently. She moves a little bit enough to look at me and found me staring her.

"I wish to have you a good night tonight Althea. Don't think too much. Don't think of anything. I'm just here and I won't leave your side." I said assuring her.

She fall asleep first between the two of us. I just stared to her angelic face while a lot of things comes up. I decided tonight that I have to win her heart back. I keep myself steady and prevent my eagerness to hold her. To comfort her. But not until I thought my heart suddenly stop from beating and will explode any moment.

Her right leg landed to my hips while showing her white skin. Careful not to disturb her, I slowly hold her foot to move it backward and pulls the blanket below to cover her body. But few minutes after, not only her leg was on me but also her arms. She is now hugging me. Her face is only few inches away from me. Damn it but it's tempting me to kiss her. How can I sleep tonight if I am in this hard situation?