Crystal Snow

~"Kimi wo dakishimetai,

Kiete shimau mae ni,

Mou ichido~"~

"I bet my Ryan doll it's going to snow tonight," Namjoon stated, flicking his eyes upwards and surveying the dark clouds hovering above them. The second day of the 'Wings' final episode had ended just a couple of hours ago and Ji Ah had lugged him away, claiming he needed a breather and some free time before the last leg of the concert. It was nearing midnight as she and the rapper bustled down the streets of Gangnam, Namjoon's mask drawn up to cover his face. He didn't really need to since the pedestrian traffic was relatively less owing to the late hour but Ji Ah didn't want him to take any chances.

"Which one? Seeing as how you have only like…a thousand of them," she teased, rolling her eyes exaggeratedly and Namjoon pouted. Most of the shops they strolled by had been shut except for a few overnight ones which operated 24/7. Some of the storefronts were dappled with Christmas decorations, tiny Christmas trees positioned at intervals in the vestibules, twinkling lights draped over them which illuminated the colourful ornaments festooning their pine-crusted branches. The videographer admired the brilliance of the décor, her eyes appreciating the care with which they had been erected.

"On second thought, I'll retract my words because I'm sure it's going to snow," Namjoon huffed and Ji Ah chuckled, patting his cheek with her gloved hand.

"Don't worry, Joon-ah. If it does snow, I'll make sure to cover you," she assured him sweetly but the rapper merely raised an eyebrow. The night was crisp and the scent of cinnamon and waffles wafted in the air from a few cafés which were still operational in the area.

"With what exactly? Seeing as how we don't have any umbrellas," the rapper observed and Ji Ah grinned, stepping away from him and spreading her arms wide.

"With my love, darling. What else do we need?"

"How incredibly sappy," Namjoon murmured but Ji Ah didn't miss the red tint coating his cheeks as he blushed despite his flippant comment. She laughed and the sound bounced off the pavement in a cheerful hum. The brunette-haired woman wrapped her arms around the rapper's waist and he squeezed her in return. "You're uncharacteristically peppy tonight," he said after a few moments of blissful silence. "Are you going to prank me or something?"

But Ji Ah didn't answer, burrowing her face in Namjoon's neck and inhaling the scent of his skin: pine and berries. There was something bittersweet underlying every action she had engaged in tonight and the rapper had picked it up. Something was definitely off but he couldn't place a finger on it. "Ji Ah?"

"Relax, Joon-ah. If I was going to jump your bones I wouldn't have hauled you out here in the open," she joked but Namjoon could sense the forced nature of her statement. But when he pulled back to study her, the smile on Ji Ah's face wiped everything from his mind and he found himself returning it despite his concern.

"Well, I don't think I would've minded that," he replied cheekily, yanking her closer. "I would've rather liked it, actually."

A sly look crossed Ji Ah's face. "Well of course you would. I should be the one displaying any reluctance," she remarked seriously but Namjoon only laughed. After a few moments elapsed, the videographer joined too, chuckling with him and weaving through the trees dotting the sidewalks and glittering with sparkling stars and bells which swayed in the breeze.

"It's getting colder," Namjoon pointed out, eyes skimming the sky once again. "Shouldn't we find a warmer place?"

"I guess we should," Ji Ah agreed, her head swiveling around to detect a café they could take shelter in. Her gaze landed on one fit snugly between a small antique shop and a clothing store, dragging Namjoon by the hand across the road and into the quaint place.

The interior was warm and a complete contrast to the biting cold that persisted out in the open. Seoul had yet to experience its first snowfall of the season and the rapper stood by his conviction that they wouldn't have to wait long. The café was mostly empty save for a few couples and a small group of friends and family. Round booths formed a zigzag pattern on the ornate floor, shelves of potted plants and books lining the fringes of the area. One side of the wall was peppered in messages written by customers, the board serving as a memory of good times spent in the café. Ji Ah and Namjoon chose a booth positioned right beside it and the rapper picked his way across the space towards the counter to get them hot coffees.

"So I've always been curious," Ji Ah said when he had returned with their order, "when you guys composed 'Coffee', did you like include the ones which you'd had or were they completely random?"

The rapper chuckled softly, pulling his mask down and adjusting his shawl over his shoulders. His silver hair had been ruffled by the wind and he slicked it back deftly. "Yoongi Hyung and I love coffee, so we decided to go with the ones we liked best," he answered, his finger tracing the rim of his steaming mug. "Why the sudden question though?"

"I'm just marveling over how you guys have evolved; from dreams to coffee to youth to acceptance to growth to love." Ji Ah smiled but there was something wistful about it and Namjoon had the sudden urge to reach out and touch her, just to make sure she was real. "Y'all are the full package."

"Not to mention the fact that we're incredibly talented," he replied with a smug smile. "And handsome as Seokjin Hyung would say." The rapper made a few elaborate gestures with his hands and blew her a kiss which made Ji Ah whistle in appreciation.

"That I agree with completely," she asserted with a grin. "And by the way, you guys are killing it with the performances. Hyung Sik Oppa told me he can't wait to attend the concert."

Namjoon's smile widened. "I heard from Taehyungie that he's coming tomorrow with Seo Joon Hyung and Ara Noona," he informed the videographer. His eyes misted as they gazed at Ji Ah. "I can't believe it, you know. It's all ending tomorrow."

Ji Ah shook her head, a bright glint in her eyes, too bright, Namjoon thought with a sudden pang. "It's all just beginning, Joonie. Your journey is just beginning." And I don't want anything to bog you down, she thought.

But she didn't say this out loud, just continued to reassure the man seated before her, the man whose dimples did wonders, whose skin melded perfectly with hers, whose voice lulled her into a peaceful sleep every night. "How do you feel?"

Namjoon considered the question, a thoughtful expression on his face. "Exhilarated, nervous, excited," he listed carefully, eyes locking with hers. "But most importantly, I feel unfettered in ways I've never experienced before."

Ji Ah smiled softly. That's how it should be. "I'm glad! It makes me happy to see you like this, see you content and strong and ready to take on the world." She paused, sipping her macchiato and wincing at the bittersweet taste. "But I think I'll sue you for making me think macchiatos taste good." She stuck her tongue out at him and the rapper laughed.

"Hey, don't blame me! Yoongi Hyung has a thing for them and we were actually singing about caramel macchiatos, not that bitter double-shot black coffee you're struggling to slurp," he stated, stifling the urge to chortle at the scowl on Ji Ah's face. But instead of replying, the videographer merely reached across the table and lifted his mug, taking a swig from it. Namjoon's eyes widened at the smugness of her expression, remains of whipped cream collecting on the corners of her lips from his choice of beverage.

"I think I'll steal your drink since it tastes sweet," she declared defiantly but the rapper didn't answer, simply leaning over the table and kissing Ji Ah square on the lips, his tongue licking away the lingering traces of his coffee.

"That tasted sweeter." The rapper smirked victoriously and Ji Ah tried to sort her swirling thoughts at the sudden action, both flustered and irritated that he had such an effect on her.

~I can't be thinking like this right now.~

She settled against her seat, silent for a while and Namjoon watched her carefully, a crippling uncertainty incessantly tugging at him. Everything was as it should be; the wintry night, the darkening sky, the warmth of the coffee mug he had pried away from her nestled between his fingers, the heat of Ji Ah's skin seeping through her glove and into his flesh as she reached out to grip his hand, clutching it tightly enough to make Namjoon wince. Everything was as it should be and yet it wasn't. And this scared him. Something was wrong. He was sure of it now.

"Ji Ah," the rapper began quietly and she hummed in response. "Why couldn't this date wait until tomorrow?"

And just like that, the light in Ji Ah's eyes vanished as if she too had been ignoring the desolation that lurked beneath the surface, only to be reminded of it once again. "I thought it would be nice to spend some time with you, strengthen your morale, you know." She laughed jerkily but Namjoon frowned.

Why was she lying?

Before he could speak further, the videographer snatched a marker placed near the wall of memories, rising to scribble her name along with Namjoon's on the already cluttered wall.

HJA & KNJ: Two halves of a whole.

"Let's see you beat that," Ji Ah said in a chirpy voice but Namjoon could clearly discern something else underlying the challenge in it: tension. He accepted the marker from her outstretched palm in silence, turning to the wall and writing what he had been intending to tell her all night.

From this moment on, right until the end of time itself, your hand is something I'll never let go of. No matter what.

Ji Ah's chest constricted and she struggled to swallow the lump in her throat. Namjoon was looking at her with a scorching intensity which made her want to confess everything right there and apologize for what was coming. For what needed to come if they were ever to find their way back to each other again.

"Namjoon," she began, gulping and the rapper's eyes flared with anticipation. "It's…" But before she could continue, her gaze flitted towards the glass windows and her breath hitched as the first drops of snow cascaded down from the skies. It was as if the heavens themselves were lamenting their fate, doing everything in their power to stall the oncoming hurt. "It's...snowing. You were right."

The rapper turned around, jaw going slack while the videographer grabbed his arm and towed him outside. The snow was pattering the sidewalks, the street, the jutting partitions of shops and the jagged branches of trees. It fell steadily, lathering their heads and Namjoon reached out to brush a few crystals from where they had settled over Ji Ah's eyelashes. "It's the first snow of the season," he whispered softly and the videographer's subsequent shiver had nothing to do with the cold. "And I'm honored to be able to experience it with you."

Ji Ah's eyes burned, a stinging sensation overtaking her senses and she intertwined their fingers, feeling the need to carve Namjoon's touch upon her very bones so she would never forget it. "Me too." He pulled her closer, his arms enveloping her in a tight embrace and Ji Ah was certain then.

He knows.

"Tell me that no matter what happens, we won't change, that no matter where we are, we'll make it to the end regardless." Namjoon's voice was soft against her hair, quivering slightly and something in Ji Ah's chest splintered into a million pieces. "Even if it takes time, tell me that we'll be fine. Promise me, Ji Ah."

"I promise."

                                 ***

"ARMY," Namjoon addressed their beloved fans, his members flanking him as they made their ending statements before performing one last song. "We couldn't have made it this far without you. Your support means everything to us as does your passionate love." He sidled his head, studying each of the boys in turn.

Seokjin had an arm around a teary Yoongi who was trying hard not to sob. Jungkook was openly crying, tears streaming down his face while Jimin snickered and grinned in an attempt to make the maknae smile. Hoseok and Taehyung stood still in their positions, latching onto every word their leader was saying and Namjoon felt the strong urge to hug them all. "I've experienced quite a lot over the span of the past few years. When we had just started out, I was scared, so scared that we would fail, that people would hate us, that we wouldn't make it."

He bit back a sob himself, clearing his throat loudly. "We didn't trust ourselves but you all did. And that gave us all the strength we needed to make it. Now, we have made it and we're so honored. We're grateful every single day, every single minute. People tell me we're lucky and I know that we are." Namjoon smiled then, his eyes lighting up with love and affection and gratitude for the six men standing beside him and for the galaxy of lights illuminating them. "I'm lucky to have these talented and hardworking members who've trusted me from day one, trusted me even when I didn't trust myself. And I'm so thankful."

The rapper almost choked up, his body heaving but he had to say the next words, the words which mattered most of all. "And like someone once told me, if our music, our work, our performances give you even a little bit of strength to chase after your dreams, then our existence is justified." He sent a silent thanks to Ji Ah, hoping she knew how much her words meant to him, blissfully unaware that the videographer was watching him backstage, her eyes welling up with unshed tears, brushing off So Min's inquiries as she grabbed her handbag and walked out of the Dome.

"So ARMY, thank you so much!" Namjoon screamed into his microphone as the arena erupted in cheers. "We love you!"

The boys danced that night like they never had before, sweat beading on their foreheads and their hearts beating with a ferocious fervour. And they relished every minute of it. Once the concert had ended and all their fans had started filing out of the venue, the members made their way backstage, Namjoon itching to meet Ji Ah.

But the minute they stepped into the foyer, So Min's face told him something wasn't right. Ji Ah was nowhere to be seen and even Jae Chan had a pained expression on his face. Dread spread through the rapper's veins until he couldn't feel anything anymore.

"Where is she?" he asked, his voice strangely calm as if he already knew the answer. But something inside of him wilted anyway when So Min replied with a tinge of sorrow in her voice.

"I'm sorry, Namjoon. But Ji Ah's gone."