Emperor And I

BAI SHEN HONG

THE DRAGON PALACE

Most heart broken people have this feeling wrestling within them, the curiosity of what the other person is doing while they are stuck with the heart wrenching pain. He was no exception. Did Li Lian feel remorseful? Did she miss him? What was she doing?

It was for this reason that Shen Hong had his people search for Li Lian, and it was about a week later that he was told that they managed to trace her. She was in the capital that morning with a friend, and Luo Meng was stalking them.

Shen Hong finished the morning court meeting around noon with Li Lian still in the capital. Ignoring all sense, he disguised himself and headed for the capital. A glimpse of her wouldn't hurt. Or would it?

Luo Meng waited for him atop a wine house roof, one that was more elevated than the others. This was perfect if you wanted to watch someone without obstruction or getting noticed. Around them, other people were also scattering around on different buildings' roofs—it was normal for people to sit on the roof near sunset, to catch their breath after a long day working.

"What are they doing?" Shen Hong could not tell, as Li Lian and her tiny friend had their backs to them. What they sat on was a nearby restaurant roof.

Luo Meng took out a glass―they called it a magnifying glass. The emperor took it from him and squinted his eyes. The tiny friend was busy painting.

"Bring me paper and ink, along with the messenger." The messenger was his trained bird that delivered notes. As this was being prepared, Shen Hong was caught up with shortness of breath. He shouldn't do this, but he couldn't help himself. He missed the same thing that made him ache.

Shen Hong: Good Afternoon

Once he sent it, he started to have regrets. Like he could not start it any other way? Good afternoon? He saw the messenger circle around Li Lian, figuring whether she was a safe destination point, before slowly landing onto her shoulders.

She took the note, read it, and flipped it over. She said something to her friend before they both looked around. Their mistake was not looking up, or they might have been able to make him out.

She used her friend's instruments to reply.

Li Lian: Who are you?

She replied on the same paper, just below his message. Couldn't she keep the letters just as he wished she would keep his heart?

Bai Shen Hong: Someone without a name.

Li Lian: Someone without a name or someone who wishes not to be named?

The messenger was highly trained. He never flew back directly to the sender. He flew back indirectly so that the receiver couldn't tell where the sender was positioned.

Bai Shen Hong: That's irrelevant. What are you doing?

He couldn't exactly make out what she was up to.

Li Lian: Knitting. What about you?

Bai Shen Hong: Looking at the most beautiful woman I know.

Li Lian: Maybe I will say the same if you reveal yourself.

Flirt.

Bai Shen Hong: I'm not a woman. I'm the man set to turn your world upside down if you let him.

Li Lian: I am aware of the fact that you are a man.

Bai Shen Hong: What about the other fact? Since I'm guessing you already know my identity. I know you to be clever.

Li Lian: Still to believe the other fact.

This was interesting.

Bai Shen Hong: How can I prove myself?

Li Lian: Give me freedom.

Freedom? He was the emperor, majesty who lived behind palace walls under rules. Rules for what you ate, what you do, how you walk. Rules for everything controlled him. That would apply the same for his wife. Freedom was something he couldn't give. Slowly, his eyes were opening to why their relationship ended up here in the first place. Maybe things were better this way?

Bai Shen Hong: Are you knitting something for me?

He wondered whether the clothes she wore were also knitted by her. It was plain cotton for  commoner status―what he decreed on her―but that didn't stop her from having it made stylish.

She didn't reply. The messenger came back with the same letter, nothing written on it. Conversation over? But he wanted to speak more.

Bai Shen Hong: Don't you miss the palace?

In other words, don't you miss me? It was a far shot, but he just wanted something that could possibly have him feel wanted by her.

Li Lian: I miss my mistress. And other people too.

Bai Shen Hong: Like who?

Out of nowhere, she got up and left with her friend. The messenger still followed her. Dejected, Shen Hong went back to the palace and attended to his duties, feeling worse than he did when he left.

Later, during the night, when he was dozing off to sleep, his window rattled. Flap, flap, flap. He was all too familiar with what that meant. The messenger had come with a note for him.

Li Lian: I am reading a book about love. Maybe I could love someday?

To be direct, maybe I could love you someday.

Shen Hong took a long breath. For so long he had waited. 'The flower has intentions, but the water has no feeling. While the dropping flowers pine for love, the heartless brook babbles on.'

Bai Shen Hong: Everyone has the capacity to love to some extent. And I think if you were willing to let yourself go and let it, then your heart would feel.

I liked you from the day you asked me to marry you, and with time, I came to even love you. Even without knowing it was you, I fell for you again. Because my love for you was not bound, it tried to break bounds and barriers. But again, lies, deceit, and miscommunication are chains too heavy.

Yes, maybe I could wait for you, yet... my heart babbles on in pain already. If I stay, the water with no feeling will become poison that invites death. I waited and gave you more than the time you were worth. The waterside flower pining for love has withered. It chooses to move on. Not to feel. Forever now, goodbye.

This was not just for him, but his wishes for anyone else who loved, once loved and would love someone not loving them back. It may have been love at first sight, after a couple of words said, a love as they watched from afar. Or like him, a love that was cultivated overtime that you didn't know whether you loved the real person or just a facet of your imagination. Love cannot be justified.

Love is love.

When the pain of loss comes, as if your soul was raptured, the question becomes: are you willing to face the truth and survive, or die along with the truth? To die with the truth means having hope, that somewhere as your heart babbles, maybe the tide of the waves will change. But again, what is the truth? Is truth the reality of things?

Li Lian was lucky that he loved her and had wanted her for so long. And so was he fortunate to have met, loved, and cherished her. She would always hold a part of his chested heart. Huizhong remembered how there was a story going on around the city concerning his love affair with the courtesan. She drew graphics of him and her, making a great best selling book. Since Elora was reading about love, she could also be inspired to write their story someday and call it, Emperor And I.

S.V