Review Detail of Raptor2244 in The Immortal in Star Wars

So I’ve read a couple reviews as well as the novel and I have to say that you’ve done a pretty good job in my opinion. I like how you didn’t have a ROB that’s always pretentious and illogical. I also like how you made his character OP but in a way that took some effort (and a lot of time). I like how the MC was transported back millions of years and can just enjoy growing and creating without having to deal with a disaster right off the bat. I also like how he’s not a hero of justice or a crazy evil lunatic. I also greatly appreciate the setting. There are surprisingly few good Star Wars fanfiction. Now, while it’s a very good idea, the execution is a so-so. I’m not a writer so I cannot tell you how to correct this but I can offer my point of view. First of all the story reads kind of like a grocery list. It’s pretty dry and if I didn’t enjoy the subject matter I would probably get bored. Second the MC personality is indeed a little lacking. Although I think this is because he has been alone for so long, a loner MC who doesn’t interact with others is a boring MC, unless the inner monolgue is interesting in some way. Third, your character doesn’t really have any overarching goal/purpose. Having a goal adds spice to a story because it gives drive and because there will inevitably be people who oppose that goal. Now I can’t offer you any advice on how to fix this but I can offer you some fanfics I’ve enjoyed that I believe did some things very well. First of all “The Lone Wanderer” series on ff.net fits your MC personality well. although in that story MC is forced and can’t chose where he goes, I believe your MC and that MC have a similar personality. Second you can look at “Harry potter and a galaxy far far away”. For this you either like it or you don’t but there’s long spans of working on tech/force abilities and somehow the author makes it not boring. Finally, I would look at “The questionable burdens of leadership of a troll emperor”. I dislike a lot of things in this novel, mostly the MC view on s*x and “free love” and there’s some racism but that doesn’t bother me as much because a lot of it is pretty accurate IMO. However the author absolutely nailed kingdom building, OP MC, and the consequences a long life will have on personality and view of others. Perhaps I gave too much advice and your not really that serious about writing. But either way I think you have an excellent idea and are doing a pretty good job executing it. You just need to tweak some stuff. Thanks for the fic.