Review Detail of lick_ma_balls in Soldier Boy in (MCU)

Can you highlight the problem its my first time writing[img=Sigh][img=Sigh]

it's extremely hard to read like here hold on ill start translating a few paragraphs so you understand.

I hope you get what I mean. formating the sentences so they flow better, adding punctuation, rewriting the sentences so it doesn't sound like statements and more of a recap, but it would also help if you gave it more "life" you know what I mean? right now it sounds like a robot and you want the characters to seem more than just 2d. but it's a great idea just poor execution. I feel like if you rewrote the chapters but kept the plot it could be amazing.