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Review Detail of Ducato in Alt-Line: The Family of Sin

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Ducato
DucatoLv158mthDucato

so far It has been a really good read, I haven't noticed much on the grammar department so I can't say anything on that. The story itself feels lifelike, in the sense you get sucked into it. If I have a complaint, then it must be due to the abrupt time-skip. I found it to be way to early, it would have been better to wait a bit.After all due to the mood change of the main character, and us not being able to see the development between her and Elaine the mother figure. it's a bit of a downer. The same applies to her application of her element, and chosen weapon.What I did not catch since I was so absorbed in the story, along with visualizing everything is how it was written. So I apologize author, I can't comment on wether you focus on show or tell. Instead I hope you will follow the saying show don't tell. Besides all this, it was a very nice read. I do hope you give the female lead a string instrument, this could be her auxiliary weapon for long range or mid range attacks. Her talent was vibration right? if so a string instrument would compliment her equally much as a gauntlet does.At least those are my thoughts, and it can Also work incredibly well with her sin of lust as she can charm her foes through the music. Another idea if she gets a second element then maybe give her something that correlates to her sin, or illusions. Reason for illusion is that it gives her utility and can work well with her sin. Gosh this got very long. You are doing an amazing job in my book, so I really hope you don't look down on yourself by saying it is your first work. Keep doing what you are doing, and sometimes it is better to focus on the flow of the story then having everything perfect.

Alt-Line: The Family of Sin

SyxKey

Liked it!

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Ducato
DucatoLv15Ducato

I wonder if I should type my review on PC instead... seems like whenever I write on my phone all the spacing I make disappears becomes one giant wall of text, apologies for that