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Review Detail of EpicGamer123 in My hero: Molten mochi

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EpicGamer123
EpicGamer123Lv32yrEpicGamer123

You need to be more descriptive. We don't know what's going on when you just jump to another scene after only one line of dialogue. It's just moving too fast. Take your time in describing what's happening around him instead of only focusing on him. Describe what he's thinking. Explain things, like how he died, why he got three devil fruits instead of just one, and why he wants to be a hero. We have no read on who the MC is. Although we know that he is heroic, why is he heroic? Why is he helping people he doesn't know. Take your time to do these things, and not only will your fic be improved, your overall writing skills will be too.

My hero: Molten mochi

Dr_Mochi

Được 5 người thích

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Dr_Mochi
Dr_MochiTác giảDr_Mochi

Alright ill Attemp to slow down and add more detail as well as tell a bitvmore about the mc.