Review Detail of Dabombd1g1t1 in In Danmachi with a Template system
Xem lại chi tiết
The short: It’s good. Readable with a MC who might be a bit OP, but that’s not too bad, really. The only downside is the rather mechanical way characters talk; it’s not that noticeable, but their conversations feel a bit off. The long: Translation Quality- 4/5 - Its honestly not bad. The sentence structure isn’t that repetitive, and the author is varying his words enough to make it enjoyable. However, there are times where the POV switches from 1st person to 3rd person randomly. In addition, there are some minor mistakes that, while they don’t distract from the story, can be annoying to those who harp on that sort of thing. Updating Stability- 5/5 - full marks. Author seems to have a schedule and sticks to it. Nice. Story Development - 4/5 - The story isn’t too deep yet, but there seems to be quite a bit of factors at play. The main problem I have is that there just seemed to be so much stuff given to the MC without him working for it. That’s just a minor pet peeve of mine, so you don’t need to pay much attention to it. However, the story is shaping nicely, and the pace set is seemingly well done. Character Design - 3/5 - They’re flat. They have their own backstories and motivations, which is good, but that’s only surface level. Every conversation just feels like the same person talking to each other. The MC is supposedly 5 to other people, but they get over the fact that he does crazy things rather quickly. I understand that sometimes the plot just needs to move forwards, so I won’t gripe too much. Still, the author tries to make the characters believable, and the actions they do take are somewhat understandable. World Background - 2/5 - Sadly, nothing new or interesting so far. There’s the same isekai from a benevolent higher being trope, but that’s just cookie cutter at this point, so it’s not too bad. The main problem I have is that there are so many things to explore inside Orario as an orphan MC, but instead he immediately ditches the city. Mainly due to the handouts from the system, but again, maybe the author just wants to get the plot moving and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s nice that the author is experimenting with the setting, but it’s nothing too interesting.
In Danmachi with a Template system
ark_1
Được 7 người thích
giốngTrả lời5
You good. Honestly, its not too bad, but I do recommend not explaining everything all the time; people don't just spill everything unless that's the character you are trying to portray. For example, you can show a character as an overly trusting person by doing that, or conversely, you can have them respond with single, short sentences or phrases to show that a character is untrusting and maybe paranoid. You've got the content down, so I don't think you will have much problem. Though, tbh, you don't really need to heed any of my advice. I'm just speaking randomly in case you want to. Write how you want and I'll still read it.
ark_1:yeah hahaha i'm still new on the interaction, action i can write it a little better
though i need to ask the world building thing how should i improve it? like ill add a few new characters or?
Dabombd1g1t1:You good. Honestly, its not too bad, but I do recommend not explaining everything all the time; people don't just spill everything unless that's the character you are trying to portray. For example, you can show a character as an overly trusting person by doing that, or conversely, you can have them respond with single, short sentences or phrases to show that a character is untrusting and maybe paranoid. You've got the content down, so I don't think you will have much problem. Though, tbh, you don't really need to heed any of my advice. I'm just speaking randomly in case you want to. Write how you want and I'll still read it.
A lot of the world building I was looking for was descriptions of places, or just characters talking about whatever is going on. I was expecting the MC to learn more about Orario than just run off into the woods. For example, you could have added a small paragraph explaining the situation of other orphans in the city or something where he was treated differently because he was an orphan or homeless. idk how it is, its been awhile since I actually looked into Danmachi. Its not just adding more characters (that's totally fine btw), its more like how things work in the world. You're not doing horribly in world building as we have an idea of several factions that exist in the world, but they aren't really expanded upon. Of course, this is just the basis of fanfiction, so I can't really say too much on this front. In any case, I hope this helps. Tell me if you need more clarification, I feel like I was rambling at one point.
ark_1:though i need to ask the world building thing how should i improve it? like ill add a few new characters or?
oh i see hahaha thank you, first of all i want the mc to train first and then explore the world when the evilus event was over as we know that there are other places like the far east and other nation which is ares place and the elf kingdom 😁😁😁
Dabombd1g1t1:A lot of the world building I was looking for was descriptions of places, or just characters talking about whatever is going on. I was expecting the MC to learn more about Orario than just run off into the woods. For example, you could have added a small paragraph explaining the situation of other orphans in the city or something where he was treated differently because he was an orphan or homeless. idk how it is, its been awhile since I actually looked into Danmachi. Its not just adding more characters (that's totally fine btw), its more like how things work in the world. You're not doing horribly in world building as we have an idea of several factions that exist in the world, but they aren't really expanded upon. Of course, this is just the basis of fanfiction, so I can't really say too much on this front. In any case, I hope this helps. Tell me if you need more clarification, I feel like I was rambling at one point.