This story is hopeless. The paragraphs are so damn long that even a bookworm will avoid reading. Second, small paragraphs attract readers to read. Long paragraphs make it boring even if the story is interesting. Third, when dialogue is spoken, there is needed to be a paragraph. And dialogue wise paragraphs are necessary. Fourth... You need to study do not tell but show law of writers. If not... this story will not be far from the textbook story. Final... Improving this story is damn needed. The whole writing is soo damn small. Hire an editor, so he can edit it for you and show you how it is done. Or just reoky this comment and give me your email.. I will edit some chapters for you for free!!!!
West_walker
Liked it!
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