My first comment will be about your line breaks. They were too often and not appealing at all. There were moments when they weren't needed as well. Secondly, while you're providing a lot of information, at the same time i feel like you aren't expanding on the emotions enough or what's going on enough and so it becomes a bit confusing at times. But all in all, it's a very great write up that I'd love to read more about.
Iam_Cat
Liked it!
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