Review Detail of AWanderingWeeb in A Glimpse of a Star

Aspiring Shameless Author here that is giving himself a 5 star. I just started writing stories and I know there is still a whole bunch I need to learn and improve in my grammar and story telling but nevertheless I want to shamelessly show this work of mine to all of you. I want someone to criticize this author here so that I can positively improve myself hehehe thanks everyone I hope you enjoy even a little this story of mine. P.S. I think I can manage 10 chapters a week