Love to read and writing thrillers and fantasy (Follow my IG: littleblackhorse)
2022-06-20 đã tham giaGlobal
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Little_BlackHorse2 years ago
công bố
It's an interesting idea, but somehow there are some parts that I think is unnecessary and the use of punctuation is not quite right, leaving me momentarily confused. However, the character portrayal is quite good as seen from the dialog. Good job author and keep up the good work!
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Little_BlackHorse2 years ago
bình luận
i feel this setence it's kinda filler. you can erase this and make it to narration it's much better
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Little_BlackHorse2 years ago
bình luận
split into two paragraphs
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Little_BlackHorse2 years ago
bình luận
aurora pov? it;s kinda weird
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Little_BlackHorse2 years ago
bình luận
I think these chapters end without any trigger for the reader to continue reading the story. Maybe you can change it
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Little_BlackHorse2 years ago
bình luận
"Gwen!" Aurora called after her sister who got to their house and barged in, "Mom!......
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Little_BlackHorse2 years ago
bình luận
wait, it's kinda weird read this
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Little_BlackHorse2 years ago
bình luận
I think this note is better at synopsis, it;s kinda weird have this on chapter 1