HandsomeWriter

Your worldbuilding is good, your execution needs work. Dumping the backstory upfront only works if it's short and entertaining, most of the time it's best to mix it in as the plot unfolds. Your paragraphs are kind of blocky and difficult to read, varying paragraph length in your work makes it easier for your reader to work through. There are a few grammatical errors throughout- I highly recommend copy-pasting your chapter into the online Hemingway Editor [Completely Free] and following their tips before posting it on here. I can tell you've put a lot of effort into your work and that you have a lot of potential, that's why I'm being super honest. You'll grow faster that way. Keep going!

The first chapter sent a shiver up my spine. The interplay between the accusing mob and the praying saint was absolutely riveting. You could already tell a lot of Sorin's character, a genuinely earnest and compassionate person who feels betrayed in the deepest way. I'd love to watch his slow descent into evil, or even watch him fight against the temptations to come. It's already set up in a very compelling way. My only complaint would be that the background between him and Lucifer is not clear. It seems that Lucifer has always been the Divine Angel, or have I read it wrong? This has the makings of a really good story.

Minor error here, 'When he opened his guys'. It should be changed to 'eyes'. I hope...

Writing quality is excellent, the descriptions are vivid and pull you into the scene. At times they can be too much, but it matches the tone and style of the story. My only complaint would be that the romantic conflict is almost retrospective. There is little initial barrier, very little tension. They're swept into a whirlwind romance and only after the smoke settles are they pulled apart.

Thank you, DubiousTone! It's a bit slow at the start but filled with clues for what's to come.

You're making me blush, you know :) Thank you for your very kind words. I can't wait for you to see what happens later in the story, really picks up from ch16 in my opinion!

Fantasy with post-apocalyptic elements. The writing quality is excellent, scenes are described with just enough words to allow you to clearly picture them but not so much that it feels padded or long-winded. Paragraphs tend to be on the chunkier side but are simple enough to be read without any difficulty. The setting is quickly introduced, and though there is a somewhat large chunk of exposition in the 3rd chapter it is not overwhelming and answers questions that naturally pop up in the readers head in the earlier chapters. Characters don't yet feel very distinct in tone as of chapter 5, but there's been so much emphasis on fleshing out the world that I don't think it could have fit. Overall, excellent read. Good job by the author!

I like that each character has their own way of looking at things and that comes across in their viewpoint. However, the story often feels chaotic and disorganized, with viewpoints often shifting during the same chapter. The POV switches are loudly announced, but they each feel distinct. The buildup is very slow, taking around ten chapters to hit the inflection point. The first person perspective is refreshing but may not appeal to many readers. I think that splitting the chapters to more align with POV switches will greatly improve the reading quality, as will sharpening the fist few chapters.

The story is well-written and reads fluidly, the exposition is largely interweaved throughout so you don't get a massive chunk of it all at once which is great. The pacing is neither too fast or slow, you get a real sense of where it's all headed by the third chapter. The scene descriptions are great, little details make it feel like a real old mansion and not a cardboard cut-out of one. Despite these types of stories not being my standard fare it actually wanted me to read on. Great job by the author!

Fatty Wan can't cultivate, pretty much. Neither can Jin, for different reasons. You'll have to read on to learn more.