Heyo. Foxner here. Just saying hello to the world... Hello~ P.S. My old username was Flounder62. Decided to change things up.
Bài viết
đang đọc
129
Đọc sách
(Sorry for the super late reply, I mostly stick to Royal Road) So I'd probably just write that she was panting hard and drenched in sweat.What would you do after exerting your self to an extreme degree. You probably have sign of exhaustion. If you spit out blood, you would probably be concerned why blood is in your mouth (at least I would be deeply concerned where that blood came from).
I really hope this story makes use of mycorrhizal networks.
Lol, glad you enjoyed it!
I'll be honest. I usually try to stay away from romance novels. Most of the romance novels I've read were by accident. I went into many of them thinking they were just fantasy novels, but by the time I realized they were romance, it was too late; I was already hooked, unable to put the book down. Like Thrown of Glass by Sarah J. Maas. Oh, Air Awakens by Elise Kova was also one of the romance series I was tricked into reading. Man, that one hurt so much and I couldn't put it down. Although I never read the last book in the series, I could tell where it was going and I didn't think my heart could take another heartbreak.
Your prolog is good. A lot of people will pick up a book and give it 5-10 minutes to see if they like it. I think yours will do a good job of getting readers interested in reading more.
Consider an em dash so she is cut off instead of trailing of on her dialog.
Just in case you are curious. I am an astrophysics major at university.
Just a pet peeve of mine as I am a scientist. People don't just randomly spit out blood. They have to have some internal bleeding for that to happen; the bleeding had to have happened somewhere in the mouth area or the lungs. I get it is common in anime, but I just wanted to point this out.
Consider the other characters launching attacks, too, and having the crystal render everything into oblivion simultaneously
Again, be careful with what you write during this part, this seems to be the climax of the chapter and you don't want to distract people from the tension. This is also a fast pace moment and the narrative should reflect this nature. Remember that the main focus in fights is adding tension and suspense, not describing the alluring looks of a character unless if it is important for the fight. Keep in mind, what I said is just my opinion. At the end of the day, it is your novel, you can write it however you want. It is an art that is individual to each author.