Loyalty_1194

Overall Review: 4.1/5. I thought it was genuinely interesting and fun to read, and I’d certainly encourage others to give it a shot and decide whether it suits their tastes or not. No harem or yuri, and interesting concepts or ideas that are utilized (in my opinion). It was neither boring nor too exciting, which again, in my opinion, is good thing, as too much excitement could lead to some problems if not handled carefully. ¡Spoiler Territory down below! Okay, I’m going to extend upon my comment on the epilogue to fully explain my thoughts and feelings throughout the whole story, not just the ending. This is going to be a genuine review, the good, the meh, and the not so good. Let’s go. Writing Quality: 4.5/5. pretty good. Maybe a few errors or oddballs (structure, clauses, punctuation. The grammar and spelling was good) here and there, but nothing substantial or cringeworthy. Update Stability: 5/5. Not much to be said here, as chapters came out relatively quickly all things considered. I wasn’t waiting too long for more chapters, and they were of sufficient length that I felt the time it took wasn’t an issue (subject to change in future works, of course) [Not to mention, the story is finished, so future readers won’t need to wait for chapters like us ;) ] Story Development: 3.8/5. I thought it was rushed in some places, needed a bit more context, or seemed contradictory, mainly when concerning the material added to Tensura as a whole, and the system of power established in the verse. But, at the same time, it’s not quite clear if it’s because of an AU or something else. And based on my feelings about the last arc of the story, I felt it seemed either a bit rushed or not as solidly planned. Also, I found it almost poetic that just like in canon, Charybdis died, and that her Fate was unavoidable. I originally of that head cannon until the author’s note about the world not caring and the good trumps evil belief (I believe in the Karmic Wheel, so for me, I felt like it was biased against her, but again, that is opinionated, not factual. It’s to be mentioned, but otherwise separate of the review as a whole unless proven otherwise). Although whether it’s to be taken literally or not, is to be decided. Furthermore, it does leave the door open to her reincarnation if/when the Charybdis ressurection arc happens. Also also, not to mention, if Veldora is dead, Rimuru will not be able to eat him and become as powerful as he canonically is, which can open up some interesting storylines down the road in the next novel. (There’s many questions, but that’s neither here nor there, and will not effect the review unless it contradicts or retcons previously cemented facts/statements). Character Design: 5/5. I enjoyed your portrayals of the characters, and I greatly enjoyed the dynamic between the True Dragons and other important characters. Furthermore, I found the looks and outfits to be fun and cool, and everything was described pretty well to get a decent mental picture. World Background: 3.4/5. With the lore of Tensura, being as vast as it is, it would be hard to get every little detail correct, or even know about everything (depending on how invested in the story you are). But, with the timeskips and lengthy transitional periods, I found it a bit peculiar that the world building wasn’t as solid as I imagined it would be, especially concerning how our MC came to be. I personally found it a bit lacking about the setting, and how, since the MC was around near the beginning of the world, would’ve opened up some more interesting narrative happenstance. Not to mention they without an established timeline or frame of reference via mentions of canon characters or events, it was hard to really pinpoint which direction our MC was headed. Thanks for reading my review!

I thought the story was good until the ending. For me, it wasn’t the fact that Charybdis died, I’ve read stories where the MC dies and moves on to the next journey. My main problem was how it happened, and, in my opinion, your bias towards good. It feels like she was forced to lose just because she was evil. Not because good overcame bad, or because her actions had consequences (Her inaction is a different story). Everyone she fought had been evil aside from Ramiris, so the ending felt forced, as even the guy with MC plot convenience had called upon multiple gods and they all worked together to defeat her, as well as his thousands of skills, which…don’t make much sense if I’m being honest. So, while disappointed with this ending and how she and the rest of her nation went out, I am a little excited about the Last Flame, as well as the Malware story. All in all, I’d give it an 7.8/10

TFTC

I’ve tried reading further than I got, but I just can’t get into it. I have a few points of contention that took me out of the story that I feel I should be mentioned in my critique. The main character, despite at first seeming like someone who would succeed, ended up becoming someone else completely once she awoke some memories for her new life. It would be understandable to have made changes to her character as she got accustomed to her memories, it felt like the reincarnation wasn’t even needed in the first place, as the nonestablished personality of her previous life either didn’t carry over, or is the same, in which case my aforementioned point still resides. Furthermore, the further you get into the story proper, the more nonsensical it becomes. Even with justifying reasons given later on, it feels flimsy, as the execution and build up leaves much to be desired. The MC’s justification and reasoning of her actions could be excused if not for her very much sentient system which answers her questions on nearly everything, and informs her of when it can’t, of which she knows it can do and has done before. As for the reactions to her actions, they have little to no consequence aside from some suspicion and other characters vouching for her despite being a supposed nobody as was mentioned in her evaluation and seen in her memories. It feels as though she’s the main character of the story, rather than the protagonist of the story. The MC, while having the character flaw of making stupid decisions, didn’t lack common sense until the bloodline assimilation, which could be excused, but the Uzumaki aren’t stupid. Naruto and to an extent Kushina are very much outliers among the them due to their upbringings. The events that followed proceeded to make a mockery of the Character seemingly for laughs. She previously mentioned in a previous chapter that Kushina followed her around like a duckling, seemingly (in my mind) hinting that Kushina looked up to her, and saw her as someone to be friends with, or someone she’s comfortable around. It proceeds to be retconned as then new information arose in that She and Mikoto saw MC as a big sister and then “had” her give them free candies and food because of it. It feels shallow to have Kushina and Mikoto victimize her like that, and without a thorough explanation aside from a cursory explanation, they don’t feel like siblings. They feel like strangers taking advantage of a civilian nobody. When MC was outed to Kushina as a member of ANBU, it was understandable she’d be mad her “big sister” didn’t tell her, but considering she is a jinchuriki as well as a shinobi, she’d ought to know that MC literally couldn’t tell her because her station forbids it. Forcing MC to apologize for something she had no control over and even threatening to pound her head into mash is vile and doesn’t fit well with the Kushina that was being hinted at in the previous chapters. Finally, after cliche tropes like being afraid of Kushina for no apparent reason other than her famous temper, or the system constantly badmouthing her for no given reason, I decided to quit while I’m ahead. My location lead me and ended at Chapter 17, so I can’t accurately state if it got better the longer it went on, to which I hope it did, as the premise and summary got me here in the first place. I’m just disappointed I couldn’t see it through to the end. Note that this is not in anyway supposed to be hate or slander. This is just my personal opinion and analysis of the story that I had read. I haven’t seen any comments with constructive criticism, and I’m hoping this review helps with that. If it doesn’t, well it’s whatever. As long as criticism exists and is present, you can improve your story. TL;DR: It went from a story with promise, to a subpar crackfic with a hint of greatness, and an untouched pile of potential. Do with this what you will. Opinions differ, and as I have stated that this isn’t a definitive conclusion nor fact, I expect that to be taken in account rather than disregard my points because of opinionated reasoning. In fact, others might think I’m completely wrong or that I misread/misunderstood/misinterpreted what was mentioned/written. But the fact remains in that this is what my impression of the writing gave me. We may disagree on my points, but that doesn’t mean that it’s irrelevant because of it. Have a good day, and continue writing and improving. This review shouldn’t discourage you from completing your story. So long as the quality improves, no matter what is said, that is all that matters. I could even have the same problems with this story in the future, but as long as it’s fleshed out and makes sense, it would be a good problem rather than an actual one. TL;DR: Keep writing and improving, take criticism into consideration and forge ahead.

Hopefully you continue making this story, as it’s one of the best reads I’ve had on this platform. Rare Overlord/Marvel dub in terms of enjoyable fanfiction content.

Which of u Corncobs picked option one? I wanna play with the strings of fate more, not deal with family drama! I’m still gonna read it, but I’ll do so begrudgingly…

3

Same, this idea is awesome, I can’t wait for more chapters!

You’re a great writer my friend, so whatever you do, I’ll be eagerly awaiting to read it! So don’t lose your drive or passion, if I’m allowed to call it that, and don’t over exert yourself by forcing it. (This is meant to be uplifting after a long haitus and no doubt stressful schedule. Be proud at what you produced, as it’s amazing and fun to read, genuinely).

I wish you all the best, friend. While I don’t know you personally, I enjoyed the story you brought to life, and will forever look on fondly at this masterpiece of literature. In the event you don’t make it, I wish to let you know that this is single handedly one of the best stories I’ve explored and read by far. No cap, Artoria stories are very hard to come by and this has been an absolute joy to read, especially the abilities and the interactions between characters. Be proud of what you accomplished, even if you don’t feel it’s much, and I hope you pull through.