marchobanes_09

the number of words in the chapter is still too short, you can add the number of words to make it interesting because your novel is still in the first chapter.... In terms of world build, I think it's interesting, because there are very few novels with elements of degeneration in their world settings for the dialogues, monologues and characters please work more hard... I see potential in this novel

1.) As for the quality of the writing, I can only say it's okay... because of how the function of society in the story begins to form. 2.) for the story development part, man, you're in too much of a hurry for everything that has happened, from the beginning of the MC meeting with Liora to the auction. 3.) for character design, honestly what I hate the most is the MC personality design itself. because of your hasty development of the story you destroy the character where he only accepts the reality he thinks is comfortable like sex but doesn't want to accept the brutal reality like slavery even though he already knows it... this makes me wonder if he is a child or not adults who have experienced the brutality of modern society.

I just hope his romantic relationship with his master lasts till the end ... Do you know ? sometimes I feel sorry and ironic with the MC for the love aspect he has,.... first, his first love was taken by his own best friend and made him YURI (lesbian), .... honestly this makes my stomach hurt from laughing 🤣🤣🤣 secondly, i like how the relationship story starts and ends with rachel.😀😀😀 (PS: honestly i'm confused with rachel's sister, sarah, ...everything about MC she always hates or dislikes, sometimes i have thoughts she has other feelings towards MC, you know HATE and LOVE are only separated by a thin line) 😏😏😏 the third, if I'm not mistaken his relationship with MIRA from the wind god temple ended badly as well as the first one being YURI,.... this made me cry and laugh for the charm of an MC who loses against women in a relationship 🤣🤣🤣 I'm wait for story continuation...👍👍👍👍

I like this charater design from MC and first Heroine ... MC like Sadao on Gintama ... 🤣🤣🤣 Really interesting, because i'm sick of handsome character and vulgar personality