evolx24
A young writer from Switzerland who grew up in Japan. I am writing the Post-Futurism / Slice of life series inspired by movies, anime. I take my time before releasing chapters. Quality > Quantity.
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Now you -> So besides, saying that your novel is great etc, I'll try to provide more insights. Sometimes there were narrative perspective changes from explanatory to commentary, I think it kinda breaks the 4th wall. I found "some" of your dialogues structures to be a bit weird. Perhaps you should try to make it more alive. (Specifically in the very beginning). Try to play with "Name of the character & He /she", sometimes you repeat the same name too many times in one paragraph. It is better if you add names and who said what at the end of the dialogues. Personally, loads of people complained about that when I wrote dialogues without names - back in the days. Apart from that, it is a good read. The dialogues/description ratio seems also good. Good job!