No prob, a good rule of thumb is to mix both external means to identify and names. Which you already kinda do tbh. Just feels to stiff and formal when she uses names to much. For mixing… “What do you think Nat?” (Addressing a person directly which already establishes to the reader that ‘hey this Nat character will be speaking next’ From there the conversation can flow in third person… “…” the buxom red head said with an almost smug grin. Or whatever else El might say about a person, then you just use names when addressing a person. “El was just telling me about that”, or if multiple people are in a scene utilizing El to clarify who is speaking while Mara just speaks normally. Honesty it sounds more complex than it is but just read the character dialogues as if you were actually there speaking with someone you knew personally and see if it’s something you would say in a direct conversation with someone. Leave the clarification on who is speaking to El’s third person pov and have Mara use pet names like “Baldy”, “Pirate”, ect if you feel like you are overusing the third person pov. Granted I’m not an expert on these things so I may also be horribly wrong in how these things go but yea that’s my experience at least.

To add on a little, the best dialogues were between the two MC’s because of the pet names which bypass the whole name thing. But when it’s… “Yeah Mara…” “Thanks Natalie…” “To be expected Mara…” See what I mean? Idk I could be wrong

One thing I noticed is you use names to much. It took me a while to figure out why some of the dialogues felt off (kinda unnatural but not really in a ‘it’s bad’ way just not how normal conversation went) and i think it’s the names. Humans are lazy inherently, especially Americans and Brit’s when it comes to language. So like… “It was a good choice Mara. Do you want to try anything else?” “Good choice, wanna try anything else?” In writing being proper, having good sentence structure and punctuation is always crammed into our heads but we don’t actually speak like that. What we say doesn’t need to actually make sense for the other part to understand what we are trying to get across to them. Like if you fumble your words or can’t think of the proper word the other party might go “oh yeah so and so” because of context and tone which is hard to convey in written. Not a big deal but maybe something to help out? Even just dropping using names so often would make it flow smoother.

The police outside:

She knows about the secret society?!

See normally I would agree given the HP setting, but his personality is fine. It was already stated that Hogwarts isn’t a school, it’s more akin to a military institution where they are training future soldiers. An instructor told a group of trainee’s to “follow his orders”…kinda normal no? They need to get used to following orders and becoming more disciplined.

I mean let’s be honest, they could have been a lot worse. Nothing in overlord is black and white

Read this on night mode lol

betting on Kira

Some may say… “It ain’t that deep bro…It’s just soccer bro…”

It’s kinda funny when you realize he became this revenge crazed psycho because his brother didn’t want to play a certain position anymore lol Like dude just realized Japan had a weaker team than the rest of the world and became a midfielder, which made his brother despise him because only strikers matter!

Maybe?

We have instincts ingrained in our subconscious mind even if we don’t notice them. When you’re walking and you see a red light in front of you, chances are you stop moving thinking it’s a stop light or something? BOOM dead from an explosive tag. She is thrown towards a body of water? Uh oh better get ready to swim! Wait? She could have just walked on it!! Man how stupid…ect. For humans in modern day society our base instincts have taken on a mold to fit our environment. ‘Danger’ to us may be missing a deadline at work, or running low on money. Thus our mind tricks our body into believing there is a ‘threat’. Shinobi, even though they have the same base instincts as we are both humans, have a different mold shaped by their environment. To them ‘danger’ could be a jutsu or a shuriken flying at them.

Oh nvm thought it said he was a bolder that rolled him off xD

All about that late game team setup. He’s playing a completely different game than the rest of them. He’s obviously not taking Rin when he beats them and the other two don’t fit his style so prob will snipe Bachi in the 4v4. Nagi might convince Kira to take Reo but King is prob best even with the personality clash. Reo imo is more toxic than King. That’s 5 which means they pass. Tho to be fair, he might not even play them. Things might play out like in cannon for Isagi with Kira facing the other teams. Might take Shido or someone else as his 4th 5th

Last couple chapters had a really good length, I understand the actual matches can but harder to write but there isn’t really much suspense at the current stage. Which isn’t your fault Author, it’s pretty natural that Kira would dominate matches. In which case I think longer more detail oriented chapters are better than the reactionary suspense type which a lot of the previous matches had. The way you were writing was actually really good for matches like maybe the next arc the third selection arc where tbh I don’t think Kira is strong enough to win. I think he will surprise them but I think those chapters are good to build that suspense and character growth. Even if you need to take longer to write this current arc I do think longer chaps with more details would be better, however, write however is easiest and most enjoyable to you. Just some minor advice as a reader :)